The People's Cube - Political Satire

Inspired by House Speaker Nancy Pelosi's independent diplomatic trip to Syria, Associate Justice of the US Supreme Court David H. Souter suggested Tuesday that he may also take independent diplomatic trips to the remainder of the "Axis of Evil" countries, and deliver his own message to Ahmadinejad and Kim Jong Il. Justice Souter plans on his message to be "unique", "inspiring" and a "media-frenzy" which will completely muddle any previous messages sent from President Bush and Speaker Pelosi.

"If there's no longer one branch of government that shapes our foreign relations," Souter told the reporters, "how come we in the Supreme Court can't also have our own foreign diplomatic trips? The Constitution defines three branches of government - the Congress, the President, and the Courts - and I insist that I and other Justices have equal rights in formulating and advancing our independent foreign policies on par with the Speaker and the President."

While in Tehran, Justice Souter plans to invoke eminent domain rule and acquire the entire Iranian territory on legal grounds without a shot being fired.

"Since it appears that all the world's citizens are guaranteed rights under our Constitution, they must therefore be also subject to our law," he said. "And if the Common Good™ is the law of our land, it gives me the right to perform a compulsory expropriation of any land as long as it is devoted to 'public uses,' which in my book means generating tax revenue for government programs. Instead of advancing American hegemony by Bush's militaristic devices, we might as well give peace a chance and advance American hegemony by progressive means."

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi criticized Souter's planned trip to Iran, saying that an unauthorized visit by a representative of a different branch of the U.S. government sends mixed signals to the region and to the government of President Ahmadinejad. "The American people have spoken, and I clearly remember them saying that they wanted me, Nancy Pelosi, to represent this country on the foreign arena, impairing U.S. President's foreign policies. I don't recall them saying anything about Judge Souter," Pelosi said.

"As a compromise I might include Souter into my next trip to Tehran - on condition that he doesn't get in the way and wears a flowery print headscarf, so that people will think he's me and I can take credit for whatever he says," she added. "And no 'eminent domain' tricks! The last thing we want is victory, let alone hegemonic expansion."

President Bush dismissed planned foreign trips by representatives of other branches of the U.S. government as "no great shakes." At the very best, he said, "that's going to disorient the evildoers and make them lose resistance to our foreign policy. At which point we'll just send in the Marines."

Nancy Honoria Pelosi. Are you headed to Iran to offer Ahmadinejad your Congressional pin as proof of your wilingness to marry him, and thus offer half of the Western Empire as you dowry?

Rik

Propaganda Department wrote:Instead of advancing American hegemony by Bush's militaristic devices, we might as well give peace a chance and advance American hegemony by progressive means."

I AM HORRIFIED! Spreading the revolution, this early? Has he forgotten of what Comrade Stalin preached, of "socialism in one country"? We must only spread the revolution after Speaker Pelosi has finished off Bushitler and after Reverands Jackson and Sharpton have purged reich wing talk radio! Justice Souter is a Trotskyist! Oh where are you, ghost of Stalin?

Propaganda Department wrote:House Speaker Nancy Pelosi criticized Souter's planned trip to Iran, saying that an unauthorized visit by a representative of a different branch of the U.S. government sends mixed signals to the region and to the government of President Ahmadinejad. "The American people have spoken, and I clearly remember them saying that they wanted me, Nancy Pelosi, to represent this country on the foreign arena, impairing U.S. President's foreign policies. I don't recall them saying anything about Judge Souter,"

BRILLIANT!!!!

It makes me want to sing:

So'yuz neroosheemee respooblik svobonik
Splo'tila naveki veli'kaya Rus!

OH! SORRY!

--
Zampolit B. S. Blokhayev

.

Spreading the revolution, this early? Has he forgotten of what Comrade Stalin preached, of "socialism in one country"?

We haven't even completed all 167 of our 5 year plans yet!

Comrades, comrades! You forget that Iran has oil. The Bushitler really did not want Iraq for oil; you forget that we made that one up. And--close the doors, Lupe, make sure we are alone here--we even called him the Bushitler as mere projection. The poor fool really did have the idea of removing a dictator who thwarted 12 years' of demands. He also had the idea of spreading demokracy to the Middle East and for that we had to destroy him. After all, if people can vote and their votes matter, then where are we? We could not infiltrate Al Jazeera as we have filled ABC &c and the other usual suspects with posturing air-heads like Dan Rather and Cokie Roberts--kill that Krauthammer; he thinks.

It's the oil, comrades. It's the oil. The joint ventures that Meow and I have for producing WiFi routers which control thoughts need more money for research. Some Libertarians have proven rather too resistant to Groupthink and must go to Continuing Eduation™.

Commissar Theocritus wrote: He also had the idea of spreading demokracy to the Middle East and for that we had to destroy him. After all, if people can vote and their votes matter, then where are we?

Commissar, there is nothing wrong with spreading demokracy, just the kind the fascists in the Administration want to spread. The democracy we Democrats want is a peoples' democracy, like what all true progressive countries like Cuba, China and the DPRK have! In those true democracies, the Party already knows people are going to vote for Party members, so the choice is simplified, and citizens are coerced, I mean, given the choice to vote for who the Party wants them to vote for. We have a start here in Amerika. Every election we know people mean to vote for Democrats, so if they don't, we make up those allegations of voter fraud!

An yes, Comrade Branish. I forget that words do have meanings but exactly the opposite of what they once meant. Yes. Democracy. Let people vote all they want, and then when they get what we want to give them, we can say, "You have no right to complain because you voted."

Then we will make them complicit, just as the Mafia binds people to it by making them commit crimes--all are guilty and none can leave.

All shall bear the guilt. All shall be responsible. Do you recall the Donner party? The ones, the ones who survived, and who ate the others could not look at each other as they ate. All were guilty, bound by the guilt. As were their descendants.

Yes, Branish. By all means let's have a full slate of candidates. All of them apparatchiki, whose families are hostage to insure their willing co-operation.

Commissar Theocritus wrote:All shall bear the guilt.

Shouldn't that read:

And the guilty shall get a "bear" ... up the tail pipe!

--

Yes, what an inspired idea. We could have versions of the Hildo 7.1. The Russian one, which is merely the normal Hildo 7.1 but with a tip called Martin, which is, I think, what gypsies call their bears.

And what about a Barbie Hildo 7.1? That would explain Susan Estrich.

Tailpipe--snatch. What's the difference? A hole is a hole is a hole. And it just occurred to me that this is a case of synecdoche--conflation of something with a characteristic. Walking up the aisle for getting married. Hillary's hole for a hole.

But did you hear the lastest? Monica's come out with a book, and one of the chapters tells us that Bill has French asthma--he can only catch his breath in snatches.

Sorry. Cheech and Chong. "I didn't inhale."

Right. Yeah.

The Russian one, which is merely the normal Hildo 7.1 but with a tip called Martin

How about calling the tip Martini, after Ted Kennedy's lust of drowning women in a drunken state for his own sexual pleasure?

Wonderful! And we can debut it at a special showing, hosted by Sigourney Weaver, of the new movie <i>Kennedys in the Canadian Mist</i>!