Two recently published children's books written by convicted felon Scooter Libby prompted thousands of progressive activists to gather in front of the White House today and demand a presidential pardon for Libby, Dick Cheney's former Chief of Staff who is serving two years in federal prison for "not covering up a crime he didn't commit."
"I don't know why a beautiful person like Scooter Libby is in prison while others are free to roam the streets, selling gasoline and trans-fats," said Ed Asner, spokes-sentient-being for the group.
Ed Asner: "No justice, no peace. Free Scooter now!"
"While he is indeed guilty of being a Republican in the Bush Administration," Asner said, "he has redeemed that crime by sending a cautionary message intended to prevent youths from joining the Republican Party. A betrayed conservative, Libby has the best inside knowledge of the dangers young people are facing when they get associated with such negative behavior as individualism, personal responsibility, or patriotism."After realizing his mistakes, Scooter Libby felt obligated to reach out to young people, with a message debunking the glorified image of Republican membership. He decided to channel his message through a series of children's books entitled Scooter Speaks Out. All the proceeds from Libby's books have gone to non-profit organizations including Disabled Victims of Capitalism and Mothers Against Electoral College.
Muslim women worldwide demand the release of Scooter Libby
The books are now being used in schools and juvenile correction facilities in the United States, Africa, and France, raising awareness of the destructive potential of conservatism to the growing generations of world citizens.
Speakers at the rally offered words of encouragement and heartfelt appreciation. A thirteen-year old girl said that in the past she had had shameful ambitions, trying hard to get ahead and compete with her classmates. She admitted she had been earning money by selling cookies, investing it in mutual funds and buying shares in Halliburton. But after reading Libby's book she decided to make a change.
"I read about Scooter's life and the road he went down and I don't want to be like that," she said to massive cheering and applause. "That's why I sold my Halliburton stock and purchased a gigantic stash of weed because I want to just have a good time and advance progress."
While many children and adults have been genuinely touched by Scooter's writings, some critics argue that his "literature" is nothing but a ploy to trick liberals into starting a massive grass-roots campaign to release the author. Conservatives obviously wouldn't gather into such massive protests since they have jobs.
President Bush is said to be seriously considering the group's demands.
The first book, Scooter Had Five Socially Conscious Parents, describes an ideal family made up of star football player Scooter; his mother, an ACLU attorney;
Scooter's stay-at-home dad; cat Whiskers and dog Spot who are not pets but rather shared life-partners as indicated in a jointly filed tax return; and Oreck XL21 - a live-in Appliance-American who is also a dependent. Together, they struggle against bigotry and ignorance of their typically American neighbors. The day Scooter mentions in class he thinks the presence of dinosaur bones proves that the Earth is millions of years old, a fundamentalist mob rouses Scooter and his family from their home, pelts them with leather Bible covers and snakes, and attempts to burn them and their books. The mother saves the family by giving an impassioned speech against hatred and intolerance.
Libby's second book is a cautionary tale called If We Don't Sign the Kyoto Accords, We'll All Die and Penguins Won't Have Any Place to Live. In it, undocumented teenage sleuth Teresa Fulana decides to hunt down the killers of a group of scientists on the verge of perfecting a form of renewable energy derived from Love. When she follows a suspicious group of Neocons to their secret lair, she discovers that they plan to have the president illegally declare war on every peaceful Middle Eastern country and steal their oil. After bribing politicians to reject an increase in CAFÉ standards, the Neocons would then have arranged to increase greenhouse gases and leave on a spaceship hours before the planet exploded from the heat. Knowing that she shouldn't act unilaterally, Teresa breaks out some freedom fighters from a secret prison who, in turn, blow up the Neocon lair by selflessly martyring themselves.
This news story is based on a submission from Nelson Guirado (Funnimetric) who is also known in the Party's Inner Circle as Comrade Chad.
