1/4/2008, 9:32 pm
GREETINGS, FELLOW PROGRESSIVE!
A year of hopeless misery has passed, to be replaced by a year of disastrous crises:
- Brutal dictator Bush remains at large, slaughtering hundreds of millions, crushing dissent, and creating the worst Presidential Crisis in history.
- Millions of troops are still bogged down in the worst Military Crisis in history, instead of doing what they enlisted for: Cleaning up debris from natural and man-made disasters, and participating in social experiments.
- Millions of Americans become homeless every day because of the worst Mortgage Crisis in history.
- Millions lose jobs every day because of the Unemployment Crisis caused by the looming Recession Crisis due to strike any day now.
- Millions of Undocumented-Americans become victims of the Immigration Crisis, forced to risk losing their cultural roots on a daily basis, by sneaking into this country as if they were criminals. Is it fair to deny them the same rights Bush has taken away from the rest of us, after they've sacrificed so much more?
- Millions are dying every day because of the Health Care Crisis, since people can't afford to buy health insurance after they buy a pack of cigarettes (Smoking Crisis), a cup of coffee (Starbucks Crisis), and fill up their tank (High Oil Prices Crisis).
- Millions more will soon die from the Global Warming Crisis--unless you raise the awareness of all the world's leaders, and force them to stop all industrial production NOW!
DO YOU FEEL MISERABLE AND GUILTY? YOU SHOULD--BECAUSE THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT! OBVIOUSLY, IN THE PAST YEAR YOU DIDN'T CARE ENOUGH!
As soon as the number of guilty and miserable people reaches a tipping point, progress will occur.
YOU MUST NOT DELETE THIS LETTER, NOR THROW IT AWAY. YOU CANNOT IGNORE ANYTHING IT SAYS. YOU WILL NOT FIRE BACK AT THE SENDER WITH HATE SPEECH LIKE, "Why don't you move out of your mother's garage, get a job, and stop sponging off my tax dollars?"
THE DEBATE IS OVER!
IT IS A MORAL IMPERATIVE THAT YOU FOLLOW THESE INSTRUCTIONS IMMEDIATELY; OTHERWISE, THE CHAIN WILL BE BROKEN AND THE FOLLOWING ATROCITIES WILL DESCEND UPON US:
Children will starve due to cancellation of school lunch programs, the elderly will be forced onto the streets, hurricanes bigger than Katrina will strike the U.S., flooding cities as far inland as Dallas and Denver - cities which, due to Bush's siphoning of funds to the illegal war in Iraq, have NO LEVEES AT ALL!
Ice caps will melt, drowning hundreds of millions of cute baby polar bears with big brown eyes, darling baby seals with sweet button noses you just want to rub with your own, and adorable baby penguins with happy feet.
The world's oceans will rise, killing all inner-city residents because Bush-controlled FEMA will keep secret from them that they need to get the hell out of there.Another justice will retire from the Supreme Court and get replaced by a knuckle-dragging extremist who will tilt the court rightward for generations to come. This will result in the violent deaths of millions of women from back alley abortions, and the births of millions of babies who will be snatched away by predatory military recruiters, shipped to Iraq, and murdered for Bush's unquenchable thirst for blood and oil.
Finally, Bush will confirm our worst fears since the stolen 2000 election and proclaim himself absolute dictator of Planet Earth - FOR LIFE!BY NOT ACTING NOW, YOU WILL BECOME BUSH'S WILLING ACCOMPLICE! IF YOU DON'T WANT THAT TO HAPPEN, FORWARD THIS LETTER AS INSTRUCTED!
If you do, in three days you will receive the following:
- 100 carbon credits
- 1,000 necro-proxy Democrat votes, good any year at any polling place.
- 10,000 signatures you can apply to any petition for a resolution that states any of the following:
- Impeach Bush and Cheney!
- No blood for oil!
- Stop climate change!
- Free haircuts for everybody!
ACT NOW! CHAIN LETTERS DON'T SEND THEMSELVES!
