Long live the glorious comrades at Absolut Vodka who have joined the progressive cause of humiliating Yankee imperialists by creating an ad with the map of the United States that would please the most radical members of Atzlan, La Raza, and Mecha. The ad was part of a new campaign with pictures of various pipe dreams accompanied by the slogan "In an Absolut World," which is translated from Swedish as "when pigs fly," "when the hell freezes over," or "in the Progressive World of Next Tuesday," whichever comes first.
We immediately decided to join the struggle and throw a few of our own ideas into the mix, especially that we already have experience with influencing Absolut in making revolutionary products...
We didn't make the map; it's been making rounds on the Internet anonymously for years, and we thought it was fitting to use it for the occasion.
And a welcoming world it is!
All comrades are required to post their own visions of a perfect Absolut world of Progress below. We will be checking regularly.
4/5/2008, 9:50 pm
Red Square
Just thought of another one... It's a picture of a beach in the People's Republic China sent to me by Commissar Theocritus a few days ago.
4/5/2008, 10:07 pm
Chairman M. S. Punchenko
Glory be the Party! Now I can post my Absolut images!
4/5/2008, 10:47 pm
Superkommissar Maksim
4/5/2008, 10:51 pm
General Mousey-Tongue
Splendid, comrades! When I beheld these stirring images of hope, I became so excited that I had to make a dash to the litter box.
The genius - turning an advertising campaign against capitalism itself! Such selfless, bold, socially-aware leadership must not go unrewarded. I shall drink a toast to the People, the Party, and to the creative genius behind this advertising campaign that inspires us all.
4/6/2008, 4:29 am
Lenin 'n' Things
I regret to inform the Party that I am an Absolut idiot when it comes to computers.
Until very recently,I was a neo-Luddite and wanted nothing to do with the evils of
technology.I believed that our world was headed towards a technocracy,where evil geniuses, such as President Bush and his cabal, would own us like cattle.
So,I am unable to perform my duty to the Party at this time, and would like to request an abeyance from this assignment.Just until I can figure out how to upload a picture.Surely,not everyone in the Party knows how to do this...I can't possibly be the only one,right? I mean,it's not like you have to know this to be a good Party member,right?
Nevermind,I'll go get my shovel.
4/6/2008, 10:47 am
Commissarka Pinkie
You are not alone; I am also severely challenged in this area. And I think we should be financially compensated for it. You know, all that "from each according to his ability to each according to his need stuff"?
Therefore, Lenin 'n Thingies and I demand that we be rewarded with large chunks of cash for our incompetency and refusal to learn new skills in regards to Photoshopping and image-uploading, and that those with the most talent for it should pony up the most dough.
That's only fair.
4/6/2008, 11:02 am
Laika the Space Dog
Is that The Mime™ flapping past the Moon?
I too am not a photoshop literate. Maksim? Could you put batwings on The Mime's head?
You need to add Impeachmentland too.
4/6/2008, 12:43 pm
Superkommissar Maksim
Nourishment for the bunker.
4/6/2008, 12:44 pm
Red Square
We're not the only ones doing it. Here's from Ace of Spades. (Not to be confused with Commissarka Pinkie, who is Ace of Shovels.
And this one came to Ace's site through a complicated network of channels and dead drops, so its origin is unclear.
I am Sorry not to produce funny cartoon.But I am doing the peoples work in the socilst utopia of Zimbabwae.counting Votes for the glorius leader of wealth redisturbution Mugumbe.
But i am to much laughing with hillarrity at the cartoons. But will it not make our islamic commrades angry. ??
4/7/2008, 2:35 am
Red Square
Laika the Space Dog wrote:Any way to animate the wings?
In an Absolut Netherland (Impeachmentworld)
4/7/2008, 2:40 am
Premier Betty
Beware! BEWARE!!!! The wing'ed mime cometh! The stories are true! He eats children, decimates villages and kills everyone, all in the name of peace!!!
Anyone care to start spamming that pic on his site?
4/7/2008, 3:05 am
AbecedariusRex
Laika the Space Dog wrote:
Nourishment for the bunker.
Help! I'm choking with laughter!
It reminds me of two things...
A Bugs Bunny cartoon where Bugs keeps on screwing with magic phrases, turning Dracula into that image of the Mime.
You mean...
This one?
This one's good too...
4/7/2008, 8:42 am
Lenin 'n' Things
I send out a non-religious blessing to Commissarka Pinkie and Laika the Space Dog.
In admitting your own inadequacies, you have lifted me upon your shoulders and
have made me feel less down-trodden.
Can you not feel me up there on your shoulders? (alright,quit complaining..I'm not heavy,I'm your comrade)
4/7/2008, 11:17 am
Margaret
Lips that touch Absolut will never touch mine. Screw Absolut.
Tito's, it puts pretentious Eurotrash vodkas to shame. From good old Texas, (where else?).
4/7/2008, 11:39 am
Navigator
8.34 Billion Absolut reasons to tell the French to have sex with themselves.
Pernod wins Absolut vodka in $8.34 billion deal.
updated 9:34 a.m. PT, Mon., March. 31, 2008
STOCKHOLM - Sweden's famed Absolut vodka will become absolutely French — in ownership at least — following a successful $8.34 billion bid from Pernod Ricard SA.
Do yoots educated in public schools know what is safe to put to their lips?
Barack (don't call me Hussein) Obama; Absolut horseman of popular jihadist apocalypse mythology.
4/8/2008, 7:17 pm
Lenin 'n' Things
Red Bubba wrote:Barack (don't call me Hussein) Obama; Absolut horseman of popular jihadist apocalypse mythology.
At first glance,it sort of looks like Halle Berry......it's HalleBama!
4/8/2008, 8:00 pm
Red Bubba
Lenin 'n Thingies wrote: At first glance,it sort of looks like Halle Berry......it's HalleBama!
That's some powerful wodka if it looks to you, komrade, like Halle the Berry.
4/8/2008, 11:32 pm
AbecedariusRex
Red Bubba wrote:
Lenin 'n Thingies wrote: At first glance,it sort of looks like Halle Berry......it's HalleBama!
That's some powerful wodka if it looks to you, komrade, like Halle the Berry.
It's not Halle the Berry, it's the Barack Obamessiah.
Saving us all from the evil Bushitler!
4/8/2008, 11:35 pm
AbecedariusRex
Awhoops! My bad, comrades. That's the Bush in his other incarnation as pandering idiot.
Here's the real Bushitler so you don't get confused and wonder how a complete moron can also be a maniacal dictator bent on destroying Barbara Streisand's civil liberties... (I know I'm confused)
4/9/2008, 12:39 am
General Mousey-Tongue
Ewww - my little furry head is spinning. Stop it! Stop!
Bushitler and BatMimeTM in the same thread! If Darth Cheney appears, it will bring mass hysteria, dogs and cats living together, the end of the world as we know it.
I laugh so hard I have Tsingtao coming out my nose...and I've been drinking vodka martinis. A toast to my favorite Looney Tune, comrades!
4/9/2008, 1:47 am
AbecedariusRex
More on the Hitler!
Still searching for the moron...
4/9/2008, 1:54 am
Premier Betty
I hate that video. I will be looking for a video of Admiral Akbar Cereal, and that always shows up. Stupid BusHitler ruins everything again.
4/9/2008, 8:32 am
Lenin 'n' Things
AbecedariusRex wrote:More on the Hitler!
Still searching for the moron...
Watching that,I imagine that's what it's like to be on acid.........very freaky-deaky!
4/9/2008, 8:40 am
Lenin 'n' Things
Red Bubba wrote:
Lenin 'n Thingies wrote: At first glance,it sort of looks like Halle Berry......it's HalleBama!
That's some powerful wodka if it looks to you, komrade, like Halle the Berry.
Absolutely no more Absolut wodka for me........starting tomorrow.
4/13/2008, 9:35 pm
Iosef
Absolut Truth- as decreed by glorious climatology tribunal of Al-TedHeidi
4/13/2008, 10:15 pm
Red Square
A good one, Comrade Stalin. We didn't expect less of you.
You look different. Did you pluck your eyebrows or something?
4/13/2008, 10:28 pm
Commissarka Pinkie
Perhaps he got stuck in the telepod with Brezhnev.
4/14/2008, 12:07 pm
Anonymous
Commissarka Pinkie wrote:Perhaps he got stuck in the telepod with Brezhnev.
Da, but note that I have twice as many eyebrows as Leonid Ilyich!
4/14/2008, 8:16 pm
Red Square
4/14/2008, 8:50 pm
Navigator
How did we survive that era?
Leonid, tear down this wall ... if you would be so kind pretty please?
4/16/2008, 12:56 pm
Iosef
[quote="Navigator"]How did we survive that era?
Leonid, tear down this wall ... if you would be so kind pretty please
My money's on Lenny...
4/17/2008, 1:52 am
Premier Betty
Muuuaaahhhahahahahahaaaaaa!!!
4/17/2008, 5:21 am
Kelly Ivanovna/келя ивановна
The King of Rock and Roll is not dead; the great prescient president Richard Nixon used him and the Memphis Mafia for Project HAREM SCAREM. Elvis' brand of sex and rock and roll (but only the drugs that are Absolutly needed) have been going around rescuing women from oppressed Arab states. Remember his prowess with a handgun, too. He now actually has Osama Bin Laden in custody in Dubai, from where Narcotics Agent Elvis will accompany bin Laden (along with the new army of ex-burka'd women) to Vegas where the singer will hit the varmint on stage with a big Karate chop. This is to be broadcast Live! From the Sands! Via Sattelite!
The only problem is that Colonel Tom is all p.o'd about breaking their agreement that Elvis was never to perform overseas. Elvis is trying to explain he didn't perform music overseas, but Colonel Tom is a little confused about that, since he is really truly dead.
______________________________________________________
Who the he** is that bat guy???? he's driving me battty!!!!!!!!
4/17/2008, 8:00 pm
Conservative Flower Child
Mikhail T. Kalashnikov wrote:Take that, Karl Rove!!!!
-Mikhail
I don't know what's more suprising; that North Dakota is for Kerry or that Portland Oregon is for Bush?
4/27/2008, 7:38 pm
Dr. Strangelove
Iosef wrote: Absolut Truth- as decreed by Al-TedHeidi
Isn't that a recycle of the public people's service announcement from the Clinton Era "Have you visited your proctologist today?" campaign? Except it looks like Katie "Pravda" Kouric was p-chopped out. At least Mr. Jane "Butt Cancer" Fonda was left in...
4/27/2008, 7:55 pm
Dr. Strangelove
IN AN ABSOLUT UNIVERSE!
(Goal #26: The Sexual Revolution)
4/27/2008, 9:30 pm
Red Square
I like the stylistic approach in this video based on old Soviet poster art, but I wish they would use real Russian words instead of Cyrillic-looking dummies. The only two real Real Russian words appeared in the beginning: "beer" and "missive." Everything else was just "speaking in tongues."
4/29/2008, 6:31 pm
Comrade Krotchsky
Red Square wrote:And some more...
I actually get blurry vision and motion sickness looking at this one. Cool image, though!
5/6/2008, 8:37 am
BigFurHat
Dike Bridge Valor: in an Absolut world of Ted Kennedy
5/9/2008, 5:12 pm
Irony Curtain
Oh, that it were so that Ted should display such courage. But then, it would've deprived swooning Camelot Comradettes of seeing him in that "hot" neckbrace.
5/15/2008, 9:10 pm
Peter der-Grosse
...an Absolute World indeed...
Women Leaders' Network Leaders Exhort APEC Leaders and Ministers
Arequipa, Peru, 14 May 2008 -- Women throughout the Asia-Pacific have a message for APEC Ministers: women are critical to regional economic growth. Throughout meetings in Arequipa, Peru, the network has considered the negative impact of the marginalization of women as economic contributors and has issued specific recommendations to APEC Leaders and Ministers.
Crunch Time for Doha Round of Trade Negotiations
Moscow, Russia, 13 May 2008 -- Leading business representatives from the Asia-Pacific region have made a strong call for actions by governments to bring the Doha Development Round of multilateral trade negotiations to a successful conclusion within the next three months.
We march on Brother and Sisters!!!
-From the PeoplesCube of Domino Stability
5/16/2008, 12:00 am
Red Square
Speaking of the People's Domino...
And if you put several advertising campaigns together you get this...
I didn't realize it was still circulating on the Web! I had almost completely forgotten about it.
Glad to see the ol' map still has life in it.
This makes for a great Internet-age "message in a bottle" story. No pun intended.
Glad to find the author and to know that it's our good friend Zombie. I have stories about my own pictures circulating on the Web anonymously. After one of them was mentioned by Rush without attribution, I started signing them all.