6/15/2008, 2:23 pm
The new plan is centered around a hi-tech website that will allow Americans quickly and conveniently to calculate their budgets for fuel, food, and energy consumption, which they will then be obligated to submit to an impartial UN panel of international experts. The panel will review every submission within a two-month period, after which it will instruct the US authorities to turn on the heat, water, or electricity in the homes of those Americans whose energy consumption does not exceed the limits established by the government of Zimbabwe.
Non-Americans are encouraged not to use the wasteful automobile air conditioning settings demanded by Americans.
Household appliance manufacturers have been forced to accommodate increased demands by Americans who are too lazy to pre-rinse or even load their dishwashers properly.
Hot water heaters sold in America must be capable of consuming energy at an extra high rate and of delivering water at alarming gallons per minute rates.
"Their questions range from the size of an automobile they can drive to the temperature they should allow in their dwellings, to Global Warming, to whether they can get extra fries with their burger," said Morningwood. "When we were no longer able to process the questions, we set up this website that automatically generated all the correct answers. It was only logical that we eventually took it to the next level, involving expert advice and mandatory compliance.
A pilot study is underway testing a prototype version. Kevin Olgermester-Stubb, an Obama supporter and one of the first users of the new system, remains enthusiastic. "I was pretty sure they wouldn't allow me to use real beef hamburgers for my Memorial Day picnic, but they did - as long as I served an equal number of veggie burgers and my guests arrived by hybrid vehicles. It's nice to be part of the solution for a change!" he said glowingly.
Another near term objective is to establish a 24-7 phone bank in case some Americans exceed their equitably allotted budget and they don't have a pedal-powered computer with internet access. "We need to provide them a means to submit budgets and obtain approval from the panel when they don't have electricity," explains Morningwood.
Obama's advisor justified the urgent need for change in American energy and resource usage by saying that it has long been perceived as being disproportionate when compared with that of other countries. She provided several examples of manufacturing sector responses to the problem of chronic excess in consumption by the American citizen (see sidebar).
Mr. Obama has received international acclaim for advancing the premise that everything that Americans discover, build, buy, rent, lease, or barter for, has been stolen from the other peoples of the world and ultimately harms the environment.
Stereos used to be "one size fits all" until America's need for subwoofers required more power.
