On May Day the masses responded to Laika the Space Dog's call for action and gathered on Soviet Union Square in New York with Party-approved slogans and literature. Mysterious enemies had messed up our correspondent's camera (the Bush administration will answer dearly for this!), so only about a half of these pictures are ours. The others have been lifted off other web sites and forums in a true collectivist fashion. So there.
For thousands of years, since the end of Ice Age, international workers gathered in their caves on May Day to organize, protest, and represent. They sat around bonfires chanting Party-approved slogans and denouncing U.S. imperialism. But now, in a truly Orwellian fashion, we are being told that May Day really is about rejoicing and merrymaking around some stupid Maypole. That is ridiculous! Reclaim May Day as International Workers' Day or bust!
In your face, George Washington, you dead white male right-wing extremist! We shall reclaim May Day and we shall overcome you and your stupid country!
What do we want? More video beheadings!
When do we want them? Now!
Get the troops out and let the bloodbath begin!
Let hundreds of thousands of Iraqi collaborators with the U.S. get their heads chopped off, and their families too - they deserve it!
Jobs to the unemployed Iraqi mass grave diggers!
(the sign on the shirt: "instant asshole")
Defeat U.S. imperialism! Support bin Laden, Sadr, al-Zarkawi, al-Qaeda, the Taliban, and other progressive forces in the fight against so-called liberty!
Defend Iraq from American contractors!
Wait a minute! Is that CCCP written on his shirt? These two must be our undercover Russian comrades disguised as Mexican day laborers. Great cover - but stop munching on piroshki with caviar, you're giving yourself away!
Impoverished immigrant worker risks brutal attacks as he demonstrates for his rights, still wearing his sweat-drenched working clothes after a tiring day in the fields picking tomatoes for a criminal ketchup cartel.
THIS JUST IN :
We interrupt our broadcast for an official announcement:
The American dream is over!
Let the progressive-drug-induced-utopian-collectivist dream begin!
Prominent expert in Stalinist jurisprudence explains legal intricacies of jailing Bush for demonizing the opposition.
When a street activist dies from a coke overdose it's a loss for all of us. But when a union leader dies from a coke overdose it's a crime. Why can't union leaders just say no to coke? At least the one that's been brought from Colombia?
Again we interrupt our broadcast for a public service announcement: High on drugs? Poor self-control? Have a Killer-Coke! The drink that represses!
Even the dubious "satirical" group "Billionaires For Bush" showed up, following Laika's small voice in their heads. They took the stage to chant "Money, united we'll never be defeated!" and to sing Party-approved songs. Although the original songs had come from the oppressive bourgeois culture, the lyrics were changed to contain a Party-friendly message. Yet their mike got cut off in the middle of the song because the supervising Party officials correctly deemed such blasphemy an equivalent of dancing on the graves of Marx, Lenin, and Stalin.
There is still hope for "Billionaires For Bush" if they can learn better Agitprop methods from their North Korean comrades. We do hope that they don't get too attached to those clean fancy clothes and change back into the usual greasy overalls immediately afterwards.
In-the-annuals of men?
Did they decide to err on the side of caution while trying to spell annals?
Another success story of People's public education. If you define education as cleansing the children of conservative parents of bourgeois falsehoods, and conditioning them for the life in a progressive society, by instilling the correct ideas of multiculturalism, moral relativity, and collectivism, our schools present an ideal learning environment.
BUT WHO ARE THESE RIGHT-WING EXTREMISTS WITH AMERICAN FLAGS RIGHT SIDE UP?
Definitely a failure of People's public education system. An ACLU representative will be assigned to investigate how come these young female persons grew up to be Republican. Someone will have to answer for this at the Department of Education. Purges are coming!
A commissar of public morals on duty silences them with the power of his trained throat.
And what are you dreaming about, Republican girl? Is that the American dream you're dreaming? In case you didn't see our official announcement above, the American dream is over! Start dreaming our progressive-drug-induced-utopian-collectivist dream or else!
And why is this man a Republican? Who gave him the permission to be a Republican? Not us! Where was the Commissar in charge of Ethnic Collectivism when this was happening?
The Republican ring leader. There's something terribly wrong with his shirt, too. How can a communist be also a murderer? Especially our dear Comrade Che who is so popular on college campuses? Incomprehensible! Let's just write it off as "wardrobe malfunction."
This is embarrassing. Somebody call 212-633-6646 and tell them the draft is being postponed until after the revolution.
We hate to say it but this Republican infiltrator with the hand-made sign is right. There's no draft. But you must admit that the progressive sign is prettier and glossier.
Polish Solidarnosc in New York? We should've crushed them at home with the tanks while we still had them!
Communists For Kerry Klara Zetkin and Dolores Ibarruri (La Pasionaria) with Venezuelan flag. Wait, doesn't that translate as "dump Chavez?" Must be a Spanish slang term for "make Chavez president for life!"
And why does that Ann Coulter poster look familiar? We think we saw it in a recent issue of Time Magazine. There was some scandal around that picture. Either
Communists For Kerry blasted Coulter, or Coulter blasted
Communists For Kerry, but it was all very ugly.
Rosa Luxemburg of
CommunistsForKerry.com reaffirms the Party's message that traitor non-person K. had been purged from the Party's ranks and the People's memory.
The Menshevik fraction of the Party, however, insists on rehabilitating Kerry and allowing him to continue his useful work in the U.S. Senate due to his recent
successful disclosure of an American spy.
The two factions are currently fighting one another in the best traditions of Stalin and Trotsky. But the masses needn't worry. Whoever wins, the struggle shall continue under the renewed, even stronger leadership after the traitors have been reassigned to shoveling permafrost in the tundra.
IN CASE YOU WANTED TO TAKE A CLOSER LOOK AT THESE REPUBLICANS -
In desperate need of re-education! Desperate!
Just why can't our progressive female persons be as pretty? Is there a scientific explanation to this? Need to ask our resident scientist
Al Gore.
