The People's Cube - Political Satire

AP BURBANK, Calif. - Riding on the success of last month's "Beer Summit," President Barack Obama utilized the same winning negotiation technique by sending former President Bill Clinton for a round of beers with North Korean leader Kim Jong-Il, so that the two world leaders could share a few chuckles and discuss the release of two American journalists imprisoned for playing peek-a-boo on Kim Jong-Il's property.

President Obama, being unable to attend the meeting himself due to prior commitments with the Anheuser-Busch Corporation, read the following message from his teleprompter: "This is history in the making. I believe that this will be the way of resolving all future conflicts. An end to war and violence. This is what dreams are made of. It worked for me and Michelle. The Hatfields and McCoys. The Kennedys and Kopechnes."

On how President Clinton was chosen: "It had to be someone who is diplomatic, dresses nice, and can hold his beer," Obama recalled during the Q&A. "After all, you don't buy beer, you rent it. So I could only see one man right for this task - Slick... I mean my Secretary of State Hillary Clinton's husband."

"The real difficulty was deciding what to name our new venture," Obama admitted with a charming smile. "It was a long, time consuming decision. So I decided that anyone who wanted to name it had to put five dollars in the pot, write a suggestion with their name on a piece of paper, and put it into a hat. Beer Summit! That's the winner. Kudos and $35 go out to HUD Secretary Donovan for the imagination and lovely penmanship."

"We're even thinking about expanding the program," the President continued. "Offer pretzels, chips and dip, maybe even Chex Mix. What? Hot Wings? Slow down, slow down. That may be taking it a bit too fast now. With something like that, you have the 'Spiciness Equation' to worry about... and napkins... and maybe more than one beer... it's all really too complicated to get into right now without first knowing if A + B equals C. See? Now, don't get me wrong, the possibilities are endless. Just right at this moment, we want to keep it simple before we know if we need to put another 100 billion in it or 150."

Asked about the upcoming Beer Summit, Bill Clinton stated, "I want to make it clear: we don't deal with tyrants and terrorists; we have dinner and a movie. Maybe a glass or two of Thunderbird. Go halfsies on a hooker. And, of course, a beer. But no deals whatsoever."

Clinton cited logistical difficulties, explaining that "Due to the lack of cell phone reception in North Korea, we weren't able to actually talk to (Kim Jong-Il), so we're just going over to surprise him. Does anyone here know if he likes Coors or Bud?"

The beer finally chosen was Lucky Lager. "There was a sale at Circle K," said Clinton. "Always trying to save the American taxpayers some money, that's me."

After former president Clinton returned home with the two American prisoners, President Obama praised the success of his foreign policy as he read the following message from his new teleprompter: "There's just no telling just how far we can take this. We can achieve peace in the Middle East. Imagine, if you will, Muslim and Jew, with beer in hand. And me in the middle, topping off the mugs."

Finally, somebody willing to turn over the manure on this one! There was a time when I couldn't watch the 5 O'clock news with my own kids. The idea clinton and my wife and daughter might travel together in an elevator was unthinkable.
"Daddy, what did the president and that Monica lady do in the oval office?"

Of all the nocturnal perverts to send to a communist country to wrestle American damsels in distress....clinton?

The gift that keeps on giving.

It should have been Dick Cheney and a size 12 boot up Kim Jong Ill's asshole.

Now hord on just one minute, Comrade Navigator! Birr Crinton now one of my bestest buddies. You no say bad things about him or I have you shothanded over to [email protected] for poriticar reeducation.

Or worse, I contact the rocar cerr reader ObamaCare Coordinator for your town's criminar band of SEIU thugs drunken union brawlers. Wait, that didn't come out so werr , did it?

Kim Jong Illin' - you may now consider changing your avatar to the one depicting your cordial meeting with Birr Crinton.

Kim Jong Illin' wrote:Now hord on just one minute, Comrade Navigator! Birr Crinton now one of my bestest buddies. You no say bad things about him or I have you shothanded over to [email protected] for poriticar reeducation.

Or worse, I contact the rocar cerr reader ObamaCare Coordinator for your town's criminar band of SEIU thugs drunken union brawlers. Wait, that didn't come out so werr , did it?

Eye so sally Charlie.
Eye know ewe don't speek so good engrish so eye tiepe sloree.
Tiz such shame hour comeon wack of valewes don't twavel well across net.
No need two weeport me to Thought Criminal Headquarters as I half alweady done sew.

I'm inkwooding my favorite foto of ewe when I last vactioned in yoar bweeeeutiful contwee.
I hope your health is mush imroved!
Could you autograph and send back?
I've included banned prayboy and sufficient Us dollar as bribe for task

Comrade Navigator

konnichiwa,

i can see north korea from my palace.


domoarigatou,
emperor kakubakuhatsu

Could we call it "The Great Pyongyang Kegger"?

--
ZB

My nomination for future summits to The Peoples Democratic Republic would involve Comrade Cheny and Comrade Ill meeting in a quail field. The conversaion would be...explosive.

I think that the best way to come to a diplomatic understanding would be for Dear Leader to put on a pair of false boobs, and get Slick Willie President Clinton just a little tipsy. I'm told that Dear Leader has had a string of lovers, both male and female, and if we remember Gennifer Flowers' statement, "Hillary Clinton has fat ankles and Bill Clinton has a small penis," then we can be assured of a match made in heaven: one little prick for another.