9/1/2010, 6:28 pm
Like many media organs, we had reserved a template page for the most ridiculous protest signs. All we needed was to photograph those signs and fill in the blanks to match our pre-approved hilarious captions. But the untrustworthy Beck preempted our planning by forbidding all signs. It forced us to revise our talking points. The new and improved Current Truth states: the lack of hand-written signs means that the rally lacked a discernible message. It can also mean that none of Beck's followers can read or write, and that these illiterate home-schoolers have never mastered the essential skills of holding a crayon or finger-painting.
Organized by Rev. Al Sharpton, labor unions, and the A.N.S.W.E.R. coalition, they were a shining example of what a real grass-roots spontaneous mass protest looks like. One might even call it a very, very shining example - in part, due to the abundance of glossy mass-produced placards, cameras and other electronic devices, as well as sparkly chains and other jewelry carried by the oppressed, protesting masses.
Considering that Al Sharpton's counter-rally was in every way superior to Glenn Beck's meager showing of illiterates, this is what this report will be focused on.
Let's start in chronological order with the anti-progressive rally, whose attendants began to arrive as early as sunrise in order to reserve seats - a silly thing to do since, as you can see in this picture, only several dozen of them showed up.
Click here for a larger picture
As you can see, many of these people are not sitting down. They are moving back and forth very fast, in order to create the impression that there are more of them and to cheat the honest counting efforts by the media.
What may seem like people sitting on the ledge below are, in fact, crudely Photoshopped pidgeons.
See? Not a single placard. They either have nothing to say or they don't know how to write words on paper. All of these people are living proof of the dangers of home-schooling. This is how our world would have looked without the pleasures of crayons and finger-painting.
Luckily, during the rally the haters were being kindly re-educated by a marching group of younger progressive activists.
In an easy, accessible form that bigots could understand, they explained that Beck and Palin were f'kin racists and there was absolutely nothing to hate, fear, or even dislike about the non-presumptuous and non-arrogant progressives.
"I look like a scarecrow, wear skull and bones, and cover my face like a bank robber or a terrorist. If you are scared of me, you're a racist!"
What would Jesus do in a situation like this? Duh! Of course he would ride the Yellow/Green Line, you ignorant racists!
"Fear leads to the Dark Side, anger, hate, and suffering!"
Spoken like a true jedi, only we wish the sign ended in "...you, God-fearing rednecks!" or a similar clarification as to who fears whom.
Otherwise it may appear as a gigantic Post-it "note to self" written by a tormented progressive, whose fear of fellow Americans is taking her to the Dark Side through anger, hate, and suffering.
Same as above. Without a clarification, the sign "Beck your words incite Hate and Fear" may also mean that the person holding it grows hateful and fearful when he listens to Beck.
As we have just learned, fear of Beck leads the progressives to anger, hate, suffering, and the Dark Side.
They better quit before they find themselves serving the Emperor.
This sign is not very respectuful of Dr. King, but who cares if it serves the progressive cause. Besides, the dream has long ago been redifined as "living in a nation where I will not be judged by the content of my character." This one is a fair sample.
"Come join OUR Tea Party!!!! We ran out of intolerance... But we have cookies!"
Who writes his jokes, the National Organization for Women? It's not funny. And by the look of him there aren't any cookies left either.
Luckily, no light bulbs were involved.
"Hey, Glenn! Why do you want us all to be poor, militarised, and racists?"
Not bad, but next time you should also try the classic version:
Glenn Beck's rally ended at about 1:30pm. It was followed by a smaller rally near the Washington Monument - a brief town hall meeting hosted by Michelle Bachman. Just as it was winding down, the street next to the park became filled with thousands of chanting protesters with signs, banners, and T-shirts stating that they came to reclaim the dream, while at the same time admitting that their dream had already come true and was residing in the White House in the human body of Barack Obama.
This was Al Sharpton's counter-rally. Observe the tolerant message on the white muscle shirt.
Yes we can...
Obama...
Yes we did...
This picture is the least contradictory, albeit a rather ambiguous one. Michelle is not going to like the look of this baby...
Dr. King only offered a dream; SEIU guarantees a dream job and a dream president.
Meet FDIC workers and Dept. of Labor workers.
The affection for Obama and Red Bull can only be matched by the hatred of Palin and tea.
This man seems confused. Where are the haters and whom is his sign referring to?
Friend of an immigrant. Are you my friend too? There's nothing written on your shirt in Russian; I feel excluded. Ouch! I think I'm going to sue the ANSWER Coalition for the pain and mental anguish inflicted on me by this racist T-shirt.
Reclaim the Dream through Sleep Paralysis!
Your eyes are getting heavy... You will now go to sleep but you will continue to hear and obey my voice...
Now you begin to dream... As you dream you see yourself in a world that it is not the world you know... It is the Progressive World of Next Tuesday... A utopian world nourished by the motherly love of Big Government... If you need something, all you have to do is put your demand on a sign and go out into the street demanding it... The Big Government sees everything... It will magically produce the things you need out of thin air and hand it over to you... As long as you follow the proscribed route and don't step over the line...
No justice no peace? Perhaps the D.C. Court House Workers of Local 32BJ (SEIU) can help...
This is actually what peace looks like.
And this is what "No justice no peace" looks like. Although there is a justice walking behind him, next to the weird white guy with a bizarre sign.
If only we could see what's on the other side of his sign, it might make sense... Or not.
You don't have to be an immigrant to struggle with the English language.
And this is what social justice "chistians" look like. They also have trouble with the English language. Hey, you're supposed to confuse the enemies, not each other!
Other than that, you are correctly stating the Current Truth version of Dr. King's and Jesus's dream - the government should take away your individual responsibility, charity, spirituality, and free will - and replace it with a gigantic regulated bureaucracy governing your every move.
After all, Jesus did say, "Give to Caesar what belongs to God, and hope Caesar will provide." Or something like that.
And this is what progressive smugness looks like. I can imagine that as a preacher, Dr. King would be pretty disappointed in her for questioning the existence of God. And so would all the ministers and black church groups marching with her. The last-moment change from "us" to "them," however, indicates the acceptance of the changing nature of the Current Truth. She may yet grow into a good useful intellectual.
The adjusted Current Truth to be distributed through progressive churches:
"Do unto others nothing; the government can do it better on your behalf with your tax dollars."
The shirt says "DANGER: Educated black woman."
Now pay attention to the white woman in the back of the next picture. Does she also want to appear dangerous or is she simply educated?
Could this be the same white woman in the back, or does she have an educated sister?
Does she have a daughter working for a communist front group ANSWER - or is this an independent soon-to-be useful intellectual?
"Fund People's Needs - Not the War Machine" in the context of this picture is easily translated into paying for this guy's weed from defence budget. Wouldn't it be great if we all stop defending ourselves and just sit around and smoke pot - and hope someone, somehow, will take care of our needs?
The rest of the pictures can be seen at the Gallery of Visual Agitation.
