Our site has received an angry letter from Poland complaining about the unnecessary complexity of the People's Cube puzzle. "Despite your claim that this 'ultimate egalitarian tool' guarantees equal outcome for all players, after two weeks of strenuous efforts we gave up resolving the puzzle," the letter states, concluding that "something must be fundamentally wrong with the puzzle itself."

The letter, signed by Slawomir Sierakowski, editor-in-chief of the Polish "Krytyka Polityczna", organ of the progressive wing of the Communist Party of Poland, indignantly criticizes us for misleading the masses into a "sinister bourgeois trap" of believing in a "competition with a human face."

Below is the full text of the letter from Polish comrades:

Dear American Comrades!

Your puzzle will make the average member of the Communist Party of Poland feel dismayed and lose confidence in the idea of equality for all! If even we, the left-wing intelligentsia, who are by definition more conscious than an average comrade, failed to complete the task, how can it be possible for an ordinary Polish communist? We cannot allow mass distribution of this propaganda tool among our people, for fear that it may damage the high self-esteem of our Party members.

Setting goals for the masses demands a class watchfulness. To aim toward a bright future one must have a clear understanding of what is possible for a simple comrade and what is not. Remember that anything is possible for comrades as a collective, while a comrade as an individual is incapable of a single meaningful act. Forgetting this simple truth can mislead you into a sinister bourgeois illusion that competition may actually be winnable. And that is the case of your so-called People's Cube.

Still worse - it gives the impression that there are some different ways of finding the solution, some different possibilities of resolving it. Don't you remember, comrades, that there should only be One Way, One Thought, One Idea?But heads up! We found the solution. After long and exhausting consultations with general Jaruzelski, Adam Michnik and Professor Zygmunt Bauman, we are proud to announce the Polish People's Cube!

The first cubes produced were given to the leaders of the free countries: Eternal Castro of Cuba, Kim Jong Il of Greater Korea, and Chavez the Bolivar of Venezuela. We also distributed it among the leftist leaders in Poland. We are now waiting for who will be the first to resolve the puzzle.Hail Revolution!

Slawomir Sierakowski
Warsaw, Poland

The People's Cube commentary:

Dear Polish comrades! We congratulate you on your scientific achievement. You have advanced the progressive Marxist theory to even further limits. A non-rotating one-segment model is indeed the ultimate phase of the progressive idea, suitable for the final stage of societal evolution when all competition shall wither away along with the notions of state, family, and private property.But in America where we have the misfortune to reside, your model may appear too radical, which may alienate some of the moderates. A few decades of proper conditioning and subliminal re-education are required before your version can even be considered for mass distribution.

The sad fact is that in this country, in this day and age, some forms of competition still continue to depress the toiling masses. Therefore, our traditional model will better accommodate their perception of reality. We propose a peaceful co-existence of the two models. While your version of the People's Cube is more suitable in the countries of victorious socialism, let our traditional version continue to educate the toiling classes in the non-socialist economic region of dying capitalism. That will allow our respective Parties to set proper goals for the masses most effectively.Red Square
ThePeoplesCube.com

I still can't solve it!!!

We have to cut it out for ourselves?

Who will provide the paper?

Who will provide the scissors?

Will they be sharp scissors with capitalist tendencies or the safer, less assuming blunt-nosed safety scissors of which Engels spoke so highly of in his kindergarten memoirs?

The glorious state must immediately execute the oppressive bourgeious and reclaim from them the Polish People's Cubes unlawfully stolen from the proliteriat! Only then will the people be lifted from the burdens of cutting and gluing their own cubes.

Viva le Cuben revolucion!

Mr Snuggle Bunny wrote:Only then will the people be lifted from the burdens of cutting and gluing their own cubes.

We think Mr Snuggle Bunny is on to something here. Instead of "cutting and running" our strategy must be redefined as "cutting and gluing." Or is it the other way around? I'm confused... Of course, when we say "glue" we mean it as in "Collectivism is the glue that holds our group together." Or do we mean the Elmer School Glue? You must excuse me comrades, it's been a long day here at the Politburo, filled with the usual daily grind related to resolving the People's Cube puzzle.

All cubes are equal, but this cube is the most equal I have seen- its equality is more identical each time I witness it. I look forward to the day when the awakening of the masses is complete and finally as a single unit we can adopt this cube universally, and then immediately recall with pride that we had such a equal cube all along.

I await the order to begin adjusting records and photographs.

I've tried and tried to put the Polish People's Cube together! I can't do it. Where do you cut and where do you glue? Mine always comes out looking like a party hat. This is hard.

Dear Margaret! We are sorry about your predicament. Please don't feel bad about your failure, which is of course not a failure but simply a different kind of success. We are sure the Party hats you created are the best Party hats ever - and making them is, in fact, harder than making the Cube!



So instead, please try this new progressive People's Dice of Equality!
Karl Marx Treatment Center has just released this test model as a follow-up to the People's Cube puzzle. Soon coming to public schools everywhere.



In Soviet Russia, crap shoots you!

Red Square wrote:

Mr Snuggle Bunny wrote:Only then will the people be lifted from the burdens of cutting and gluing their own cubes.

We think Mr Snuggle Bunny is on to something here. Instead of "cutting and running" our strategy must be redefined as "cutting and gluing." Or is it the other way around? I'm confused... Of course, when we say "glue" we mean it as in "Collectivism is the glue that holds our group together." Or do we mean the Elmer School Glue? You must excuse me comrades, it's been a long day here at the Politburo, filled with the usual daily grind related to resolving the People's Cube puzzle.

If I may suggest a few things. We might not want to use Elmer's School Glue. Because everyone is equal, some people may be offended at having to use glue meant for children undergoing their early indoctrination. I suggest we use Gorilla Glue. Not only is it almost as strong and tough as Comrade Stalin was, it's emblem, a gorilla, represents man's progression. Human kind's progression through evolution is similar to how dialectics tells us capitalism will be replaced through progress. It invites thoughts on how enlightened human kind will be in a brighter, socialist future. Also, we may have to post a warning. The state through the Party is always right, and a big bureaucracy is always good, and should have a larger role in the lives of the proletariat. So therefore I suggest we post a warning that the masses should not run with the scissors. After all, those warnings on cups of coffee are necessary...not everyone is aware that the contents could be hot. Directions may be needed also, so that the proletarian masses know what side of the cube to "strategically redeploy" with glue to its matching side.

Excellent point from the comrade delegate of the Colorado province. Branish, correct? Warnings regarding running with scissors shall be implemented in the following releases of the Cube model. Recalling already distributed models and replacing them with the updated ones would be unpractical - even if one of our differently gifted customers injures him/her/itself while running with scissors and decides to file a class action lawsuit, we have the ACLU and the NLG on our side. We will sue them instead.

Regarding the Gorilla Glue, we have two suggestions:

2. Change it to Primate Glue, to bring up the points you've raised about the societal evolution


- or -

1. Rename it into Guerilla Glue and adorn it with the image of comrade Che Guevara: Bonds Rich White Liberals, Felons, Terrorists & More!

What a glorious day for progress and socialist construction! I even heard from some residents at Gulag No. 24 in Berkeley Kalifornia that the North Koreans and the San Francisco board of supervisors are already in the works of making an even more progressive equalizer, they are calling it "The Peoples Ball". Supposedly this "ball" will have no sides, no sharp edges or corners and will come in two sizes, "San-Fran Fanny" size for convenient cavity storage and "Dear Leader gut size" for terrorizing the South. Even though it's a good idea, I heard the North Koreans are having problems engineering this "ball"; their balls keep coming out lopsided and flat every time so both the supervisors and Kim Jong Il are still using the much more uncomfortable cube in the mean time....

I fully appreciate Your attempt to strengthen the class attitude of European Comrades according to the different kind of dynamics within the local productional process. Still I`m quite a bit of upset concerning the optical aspect of the tool You offer for cutting out the cube.

Various Comrades I talked to in the nearest University café take the view that it could be interpreted as a camouflaged fascist reference that the Comrade who wants to cut out the cube has to cut out a longer distance to the Right than to the Left when You take the measure from the vertical line on. Therefore I beseech You for turning the dice outline into the opposite direction, so that the primal direction of cutting out will be the same direction that the progress of mankind will gladfully lead us. Otherwise I will surely have to face the duty of self criticism before my Comrades from the Green Partys and SED/PDS and SLARP (super left wing autonomistr radical party) student`s group in Göttingen or the FU Berlin in a very painful way.

On The People's Dice of Equality, the enemies of the People will always roll boxcars, and those boxcars will take them East to settle the New Lands in Siberia.

In Soviet Russia, boxcars roll you!

Laika the Space Dog has just sent us a transmission from orbit, urging us to revise the concept of the People's Dice.

Comrade Laika believes that this version will better suit the spirit of total equality. The one dot also signifies the eye of the Party that sees all. A roll of 2 shall be called Party Eyes...

Make every roll a Party Eyes roll!

Comrade Clyde wrote:On The People's Dice of Equality, the enemies of the People will always roll boxcars, and those boxcars will take them East to settle the New Lands in Siberia.

In Soviet Russia, boxcars roll you!

Comrade Clyde,

You must keep your keen observations about boxcars to yourself, you may roll "Party Eyes" and continue to shoot "Craps".... Communists Really Are Progressive Socialists.

Everybody is a winner in this CRAPS game....NO LOSERS!

I am chastened. Where shall I report for re-education, comrade?

Vee Halfv Pleen-tee ovf Roohm Heer at Deehp Cy Beri ...Deehp Si -beer -ion Gulag Ewe Moo-st Brink Ohwn Digink tewels Ant vot Evr Colt wether stuph ewe can..Behtty Has not cent sheep-ment for sum tihme so eet be- four trahne box Cahr brink ewe.Ohh and brink sizz-owrs and gluhe ...

Sorry for the delay of supplies, with election season going on, more must be given to party members running for office than people in danger of working themselves to death in sub-zero temperatures.

Comrade Clyde wrote:I am chastened. Where shall I report for re-education, comrade?

No Comrade, no need for re-education, but what goes on in Vegasgrad stays in Vegasgrad.

L.

Another one of the progressive game sets: The Dice of Axelrod. Make your bets, comrades.

Comrade Cons. Underground sent us this picture with a note saying "Life once again imitates the Cube" and a recommendation to issue a Fatwa against The Looking Spoon.

Red Square wrote:Comrade Cons. Underground sent us this picture with a note saying "Life once again imitates the Cube" and a recommendation to issue a Fatwa against The Looking Spoon.

The attachment Obama_Dice.jpg is no longer available

Comrade Red Square!

I hearby DENOUNCE the Looking Spoon for these dice!

They are reactionary and in no way reflect the CURRENT truth of our glorious Leader's (PBUH) regime administration.


I hearby request we co-opt improve this design by utilizing the correct "Guard the Change" logo!

.
I swear to Marx — I transmit this thread to Comrades in Poland ! NOW !


Postcard from PL :


( if Anglo-speak has any weaknesses, it's this : no idea how to form real heartfelt diminutives. )

Now : (pol.) słoneczko is to słońce (sun) like (en) mousie is to mouse ( huh, (pol.) myszka to mysz ).
(and it has that intimate touch, like in buddy, like in sweetie, like in kiddie)

ZAPROSZENIE (invitation) : to an exhibition (initiated in 2003, opened in 2008),
its title : ZGASŁO SŁONECZKO LUDZKOŚCI = The SŁONECZKO of Mankind Disappeared.

(ach, Soso - promienne słoneczko w naszych sercach !)
(alack, (Batyushka) Soso - the shining sun in our hearts !)