The People's Cube - Political Satire

In today's evolutionary struggle we progs are the fittest species. Conservatives are so easy - accuse them of committing a sin and they resign and disappear from public sight forever. We in the progressive community are much smarter - we don't believe in sin. It makes us invulnerable to criticism. That's why we're taking over this stupid country.

However crazy, irresponsible, and outright criminal our behavior is, you can't call us sinful because that would be forcing your values on us. You can't call us hypocrites because we never said we were perfect.

You can't say we've lost shame because we can't lose what we don't have.

Human imperfection is our standard, our goal, or breeding ground, our primordial soup if you will. We stand for nothing and have no values except those that may hypothetically exist in a distant socialist utopia that may or may not happen.

The only human imperfection we don't allow is greed and selfishness. We oppose it religiously and consider it a deadly sin. In fact, the only way the Conservatives could expose us as hypocrites is to show that, while publicly denouncing greed and calling for a total and universal self-sacrifice, we continue to live comfortably and enrich ourselves by all possible means, including theft, bribery, and extortion.

And if the Conservatives aren't calling us on it, they must be really, really stupid.



There is, of course, a magic bullet that could kill us off completely. It's the spreading of the idea that moral relativity is a logical fallacy and that ethics and morality can only be absolute and objective, following our human nature as rational beings, as it has been engraved in the Judeo-Christian tradition of reason and objectivity. But that will never happen as long as the media, academia, and trivial entertainment outlets remain progressive.

That's why it is so easy for us to bring about the end of the GOP reign thanks to Mark Foley scandal and resignation - how dare they stand for family values while allowing one of their own to be gay and hit on teenagers? They are hypocrites!

Of course this could never happen to us. We may be gay and hit on teenagers all we want, but if that is consistent with our beliefs, where's the scandal?

Not only do we promote alternative lifestyles, we also promote freedom for child molesters, as follows from the recent Vermont case. That's why, if Foley were a Democrat, we could easily make him a national hero - just like we made Rep. Gerry Studds (D-Mass.) a hero for actually sleeping with a male page - while simultaneously ousting Rep. Dan Crane (R-Ill.) who did the same with a female page.

Please note that Foley didn't have the guts to do what he believed in either way - he had no physical contacts with the teens, nor did he become a Democrat. Gerry Studds did both - and he received three standing ovations in Congress and got reelected for three more terms!

Thanks to the rules we have set up in today's political evolutionary struggle, progs will soon become dominant species - unless, of course, someone changes the rules.

I call this to the attention of the world workers!

Ted Kennedy(D-Mass.):
It would be better if that page had drowned than to have received those emails, but now that he's 16 maybe I could compensate by having Patrick and me give him driving lessons.

it is important to remember that only Comrade Senator Kennedy is a fully trained and trusted member of the People's Under Water Weapons.

So what if one cosmopolite must die! She is of no consequence! Only the good of Sub-Commander Kennedy is all important.

Confirm distance to Oldsmobile

One Ping Only

I agree, I agree. We are superior, we are immune from scandal, as matter of fact, we celebrate when we do something wrong and then get away with it. Lets see, we have beer parties in the rose garden after lying under oath about porky interns and getting away with it, give standing ovations for our pedophiles who get re-elected ect. ect. ect. I'm not a hypocrite though, never have been. I am a totally commited communist that has always advocated for equality, social justice and wealth redistribution from the wealthiest 1%, I live modestly and in virtual poverty. Oh my, my toaster oven just beeped, my 90K must be thawed out now, I have to go...

* Gasp! * Does that mean what I think it means? I'm INVINCIBLE!!!!

Chairman Meow S. Pun wrote: Oh my, my toaster oven just beeped, my 90K must be thawed out now, I have to go...

Is this not twice within ONE WEEK, comrade Meow??? Surely you are not holding out on the Collective (and Her Royal tHighness), are you?? Hmmm, once is possibly understandable. Twice means suspicions are high, and you may have to be re-educated.

Shall we convene the Politburo for a review, Premier Betty? It is protocol, after all.

Of course we are invincible! Do we not laud the moral authority of the Exalted Cyclops of the Klu Klux Klan, Robert Byrd, while garnishing 90% of the black proletariat? Save communist manifest destiny, how do you explain a man who wrote that he vowed never to fight:

"with a Negro by my side. Rather I should die a thousand times, and see Old Glory trampled in the dirt never to rise again, than to see this beloved land of ours become degraded by race mongrels, a throwback to the blackest specimen from the wilds."

Our final solution...errr....revolution is at hand. We can for once and forever remove God from the human experience, and live happily every after. Our weak enemy allows themselves to be kicked repeatedly, then slinks back to lick our jackboot, begging our acceptance.

Rik

I AM OFFENDED....

Of course I'm not holding out comrade Pravda! Your just jealous that I get all the bribes and have more money to wire to Her Excellency... Ok, your right, . I'm showing my hand and I'm a mess, its the Nov. 7th revolution jitters and all those yummy tax-dollars the Party is going to steal. This is not good and a review would be whats best, televised with a script, and special FX. Better yet, a full investigation to show the nation just how tough the Party is on corruption when dealing with its own members, that will show them that we are not hypocrites (and give us a chance to convince those idiot swing voters we are more ethical). Give me a time and a forum for the investigation, I have left a trail of evidence to support the charge that I am a money grubbing crooked official that is keen on doing whatever it takes to pad our candidates with exurberant amounts of soft-money, oh and a hypocrite... help me comrade Pravda! help me!

Oh my, my toaster oven just beeped, my 90K must be thawed out now, I have to go...

.......to Zurich and deposit this and another $250K into Hillary's account. There, I finished the sentence for you, Chairman Meow. That wasn't soft or hard , was it?

Hillary

Chairman Meow S. Pun wrote:I AM OFFENDED....

Of course I'm not holding out comrade Pravda! Your just jealous that I get all the bribes and have more money to wire to Her Excellency... Ok, your right, . I'm showing my hand and I'm a mess, its the Nov. 7th revolution jitters and all those yummy tax-dollars the Party is going to steal. This is not good and a review would be whats best, televised with a script, and special FX. Better yet, a full investigation to show the nation just how tough the Party is on corruption when dealing with its own members, that will show them that we are not hypocrites (and give us a chance to convince those idiot swing voters we are more ethical). Give me a time and a forum for the investigation, I have left a trail of evidence to support the charge that I am a money grubbing crooked official that is keen on doing whatever it takes to pad our candidates with exurberant amounts of soft-money, oh and a hypocrite... help me comrade Pravda! help me!

Now that's what I'm talkin' about, Comrade! You are now with the "program". <does finger quotes like Dr. Evil>

It warms the heart of this old humble servant of The People to see yet another one of these vile fascist fail. It humors me to watch as their lapdog mouthpieces (Limbaugh, Hannity, ad nauseum) try to explain this as a failing of an individual. HA! Our friends within the media and the DNC expose this to The People for what it truly is; a failing of the entire RepugliKKKan party and the Neo-Nazi-Con-Artist movement!

WE judge what is "ethical", "moral" and "legal". WE set the "standards" and if they are "double standards", so be it! This silly "Foley affair" proves once again that WE hold the high ground. RepugliKKKans are one step closer to being ground into the ether of irrelevant history. What a glorious time for our Revolution!

Remember comrades, that as I write this, it is a Friday in October in an election year. Prepare to receive more information on RepugliKKKan failings at a little after 3:00 PM EDT today!

Commissar M wrote: WE judge what is "ethical", "moral" and "legal". WE set the "standards" and if they are "double standards", so be it! This silly "Foley affair" proves once again that WE hold the high ground.

Thank you for your words of wisom, Commissar. I had previously been confused about some of our own Comrades and their exagerated "lapses of judgment" (Bill Clinton, William Jefferson, Ted and Patrick Kennedy). They have "standards, but we have double standards! And if having standards is good, then having double standards is twice as good!

Branish wrote:
Thank you for your words of wisom, Commissar. I had previously been confused about some of our own Comrades and their exagerated "lapses of judgment" (Bill Clinton, William Jefferson, Ted and Patrick Kennedy). They have "standards, but we have double standards! And if having standards is good, then having double standards is twice as good!

EXCELLENT POINT, Comrade Branish!! This clarifies our position to the RepubliKKKans in an indisputable fashion! Salute!

Oh that Branish! I do declare, his reasoning is brilliant, like a young James Carville. Comrade Pravda, I am happy to back with the "program". High taxes or death!!!

Well said, Comrade!

I will immediately post this in the London Times under the heading: "Once Again Doublethink Triumphs"

I'm sure Big Brother will make your article the main topic in XX Party Congress of Oceania that opens Monday here in Airstrip One.

Keep up the good work and always remember, "Oceania Tis For Thee"

Branish wrote:

Commissar M wrote: WE judge what is "ethical", "moral" and "legal". WE set the "standards" and if they are "double standards", so be it! This silly "Foley affair" proves once again that WE hold the high ground.

Thank you for your words of wisom, Commissar. I had previously been confused about some of our own Comrades and their exagerated "lapses of judgment" (Bill Clinton, William Jefferson, Ted and Patrick Kennedy). They have "standards, but we have double standards! And if having standards is good, then having double standards is twice as good!

Comrade, I say to you that Double Standards always lead to the Double Cross which is so beloved by Big Brother himself.

Why just yesterday BB attacked Eastasia, whom Oceania was allied, and made a new alliance with Eurasia.

Survival of the slickest is in the news again with Eliot Spitzer. While he may not survive as a governor, the attempts to protect him in national media and the progressive blogosphere - and, most importantly, THE ARGUMENTS THEY USE - prove the original point most eloquently.

Uhh wasn't Mark Foley in a WWF Cage match with the undertaker?