New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg is... The Wizard of 16oz
He wants to ban 16oz fizzy drinks, but Dorothy and her friends believe this is part of a more sinister puzzle... Coming soon to a restaurant near you.


Everything in this world has a price. If you want the government to be in charge of your health, you must pay for it by letting the government control what you put in your body.

This post developed from a tweet I made today on #BloombergMovieTitles. This was yet another hashtag game, and here's what we whipped up together with General Secretary:

The Wizard of 16-Oz
No Country for Old Menu
There Will Be Blood Cholesterol
Harvey 2% Milk
Food Police Academy
Cholesterol-Free Willy
West Side-Salad Story
My Big Fat-Free Greek Wedding
Fast Food Furious
Slim and Slimmer
The Silence of the Libs
What to expect when you're expecting a salad
Trans-spotting
A Clockwork Orange Crush
Raiders of the Lost Pounds
How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Trust the Government
The French Restaurant Connection
Miracle Whip On 34th Street
The Big Intestine Theory
Sweet 'n' low Home Alabama
Sugar Free Breakfast at Tiffany's
Hotdog Billionaire
The Nanny State Diaries
The King's Snitch
Escape from New York
The Treasure of the Sierra Mist
Pepsi to the Dark Side
Citizen Cane Sugar

Drinking soda and smoking cigarettes is now a patriotic duty.

So many possibilities:
*"Pay no attention to the man behind the voting booth, in fact, just pay no attention to the booth at all"

*The Wizard of 16OZ got tired of the Munchkins and the Lollipop Kids uppity singing, a ban of fuzzy drinks would only be the beginning of calming down this sugar-high bunch.

*Wizard of 16OZ: Just be thankful Dorothy that I'm banning all the fuzzy drinks and only that, unlike the wicked witch trying to force Pepsi on everyone as the only thing to drink at all!
Wicked Witch: *showing a Pepsi can to a Munchkin* Yes, look at the new logo my pretty, believe in the hope and change, heheheheheheh

"Everything in this world has a price. If you want the government to be in charge of your health, you must pay for it by letting the government control what you put in your body."

Too true.

Maxim - your movie poster tops mine. Beet of the Week Award for you!

The Chronicles Of Nanny : The Frying Dismissed & The Soda
The Assassination of Seven Eleven by the Nanny Mayor Bloomberg
"No Sense Please, We're Liberals"
A Quantum Of Saltiness
A SweetCarb Named Desire
Trading Places (New York & East Berlin)
Pie Rates of the Carribbean : Tax Man's Chest
Mis-Adventures In Babysitting
Bad News Scares
I Saw What You Did Last Supper
The Mouth That Roared
Fatman Begins
3:10 To Yummy ('cause you won't get it here)
Salt Wars : The Phantom Menace
Doctor Pepper And Mister Hide
The Outlaw Pepsi Sales
The Man Who Shot Liberty
Titanic (Overreach)

@Terry_Jim

Poor fat people, they missed the PC boat — which is a shame, because they probably would have sunk it.

Look. I've explained it before, and the fact that you people don't get it actually reinforces the point. Blolomberg is doing this FOR YOUR OWN GOOD, you stupid proles. As every Progressive knows: those who are not members of the Party, donors to the Party, or the right kind of foreigner, are simply too stupid to make any decisions for themselves. This business of letting the desires of the consumer drive what will be produced and how what is produced will be sold is simply asking for chaos. Bloomberg is adopting the proper, collective solution to the problem by issuing a state diktat as to the proper size for soft drink cups.

Solving the problem. What I think is creating the confusion here is that some of you may have been confused by exactly what the problem is. It is not too many fat children in New York. It is not the fact that the Prole, in his folly, will make the wrong choice. It's the fact that the Prole HAD a choice in the first place. That is the unacceptable situation here, and one that His Honor has rendered a bit less intolerable by setting a state mandate that narrows the choices of the Prole.

I say hats off to Mayor Bloomberg.

I for one am extremely relieved now that I don't have to think about how much liquid intake I need a day other than the Motherlands glorious Vodka. He did exclude Vodka, no?

Irony Curtain at IOwnTheWorld is on top of the issue:

Was this a stand up audition for the "Wizard of Odd"?

Did I miss something?

Brain in party-approved jar wrote:As every Progressive knows: those who are not members of the Party, donors to the Party, or the right kind of foreigner, are simply too stupid to make any decisions for themselves.

Of course. They know best.

Remember the girl whose mother packed a good luncheon for her but she had it taken? She had to eat chicken o'nuggets and pay for what she didn't have the next day.

This was obviously inferior food but the point is that the Government knows best, not her mother. After all, what is her mother but a brood mare? That's the logical end of the choice movement, you know. Women are brood mares when they want to be, and unencumbered when they don't want to be.

"Fuzzy drinks"? Lol I assume that's supposed to be "fizzy."

Grammar KGB, just doing my job...

Red Square wrote:Maxim - your movie poster tops mine. Beet of the Week Award for you!

Tops yours? What kind of a fool do you take me for? I know a trap when I see one. Put your ice axe away, you'll never get close enough to use it.

oh, but thanks for BOTW!

Vrag Naroda wrote:"Fuzzy drinks"? Lol I assume that's supposed to be "fizzy."

Grammar KGB, just doing my job...

Comrade Vrag, Leninade IS, in fact, fuzzy, due to the lint that makes its way into the bottles in the factory. In point of fact, the lint is what gives Leninade that extra progressive zing we all know and love.

Comrade - is it possible that YOU have never, in fact, drunk Leninade? HMMM????

Premium Rush 64. 64 calories.

Me and Leninade go way back.
Why, thanks to that remarkable people's beverage..... my head shrank to the point where I could wear my trademark revolutionary sombrero !

The shoes and spoon, however, are an entirely different matter........

Sodas and burgers and fries, OH, MY!

I have just finished watching Saving Private Citizen from Himself, the story of a Do Good Nanny Mayor who makes decisions for the People so the People do not have to.

Leninade? How lovely. You take a sip, then strangle a kitten. Another sip and you go out and shoot a neighbor. Another sip and you start murdering people in Ukraine.

Leninade! Better than Five Hour Energy! Get through that 2 PM slump! Murder 30,000,000 today!

R.O.C.K. in the USSA wrote:Comrade Vrag, Leninade IS, in fact, fuzzy, due to the lint that makes its way into the bottles in the factory. In point of fact, the lint is what gives Leninade that extra progressive zing we all know and love.

Comrade - is it possible that YOU have never, in fact, drunk Leninade? HMMM????

Nyet comrade, I must confess I have never drunk Leninade (my name isn't "Enemy of the People" for nothing). I'll save time and just ship myself to the gulag now.

" Nyet comrade, I must confess I have never drunk Leninade (my name isn't "Enemy of the People" for nothing). I'll save time and just ship myself to the gulag now."

Comradress V.N.,

This " self-sentencing " action that you have taken regarding " Leninade " reeks of efficiency, which you should well know is not tolerated by The State.

So just sit back and relax. We will be coming for you soon enough........

The masses must see your show-trial first !

I laughed, I laughed and I laughed some more each time a boot came down on a proles neck.
Hilarious fun, I highly recommend it. I give it Four Lenin Stars!

Shovel, I think that you've photoshopped Doomberg's belly; he hasn't had a belly like that, oh, forever. Forget the leopard print skirt. Don't you know better than to show a fat socialist?

Michael Moore doesn't apply.

Comrade FPT,
Concerning " Leninade "..... is it true that most of the general populace ( even some here on The Cube) might believe that " portmanteau" is a town in Quebec ?

Krasnodar, I've heard that but I believe that "portmanteau" is a fat Frenchman. Or perhaps it's "manatee" in French.

Oh! I just did some research. It's the term which was first used to describe luggage but which is now in France universally used to describe the junk in the trunk of our Many Titted Empress.

Vraiment, elle a la plus grosse portmanteau!.

This gave rise to the story about the 1996 White House Easter Egg hunt. A man took his son there and our MTE came out. The boy tugged at his father's coat, "Daddy, she's got a large bottom."

"Hush, Johnnie! She'll hear you."

The kid tugged again. "Daddy, she's got a HUGE behind!"

"Shut up, Johnnie! She'll turn you to stone if she turns on the snakes in her hair."

About that time our MTE's beeper went off (this was the 90s), and Johnnie yelled, "Run, Daddy! She's backing up!"

Father Prog Theocritus wrote: Forget the leopard print skirt.

Father Prog; Forgive me for I may have sinned against the State.
But you can see how I may have become easily confused.

Oh, Shovel, it's so easy to be confused with Kathy Griffith. I think that's her name; Griffithski? Look at her ladylike demeanor. Have you ever seen such grace in shooting a finger? I haven't, either.

She reminds of the old test a century ago about whether or not all of a galloping horse's hooves left the ground at the same time. They set up cameras with trip wires. Do you think that this filly's feet all leave the ground at the same time?

I'm wondering about Margaret Cho too. She's a prog comedienne. Sort of like a cut-rate, low-life version of Roseanne.

Poor Cathy. I think that all the collagen in her face is starting to clump together.

Father Theo,

Thank you so very much for your definition of the word " portmanteau ".

It is obvious that you have read copious volumes concerning the subject, and therefore know more about it than anyone else .... especially George Bush ! ( spit )

Superkommissar Maksim wrote:

Red Square wrote: Put your ice axe away, you'll never get close enough to use it.

(Speaking as Pinky from "Pinky and the Brain") "Okay, Maksim, but wouldn't that ice axe melt by the summertime anyway?"

(Speaking of "Pinky and the Brain")

I am so glad to see the cartoon characters of the world
continuing to spread the workers "revolucion" FORWARD!

Remember that great George Clinton and Parliament Funkadelic line?... they had to change it to "Did fries go with that shake?"..... I love Pinky & the Brain...

I love that you didn't have to change Escape from New York.

Boss asked me to post these:

Lord of the Drinks
Lord of the Fries (yeah.. they're close, but pretty different stories)
Moolander
Fried and Prejudice
Dogma (doesn't need changing either)
Smokin' Ban Aces
The Sound of Meusli

Coen Brothers editions:
Bloomberg Fink
Far gone
The Gut-Sucker Proxy
Food Simple
Oh Burger, Where Art Thou!
The Big Poplosski
Burn Calories After Eating
Raisin Arizona

'kay... enough Coen Bros...

Chasing Liberty (it's s stupid movie, but the name doesn't need changing either)
Death to Smoothy
The Hunger (another one that doesn't need changing)
Angel Heart Attack
Ghost Hot Dog
Garden Salad State
Almost Famished
Weight Club
Non Chocolat
Carb Wars (had to be done, even if it hurts)
The Inedibles
... The Cook, The Thief, His Wife, and Her Mayor (okay... so it's a bit obscure, but I like Peter Greenaway films)
Midnight In the Garden of Food and Evil...

I could just keep going but where would I stop?... How bout now...

Oooh! I thought of another obscure "art film" title that we can adulterate... just to give us a bit more left lib artsy cred... since I'm sure they think none of us watch art house films...

Man Doesn't Bite Dog...

Yeah... not exactly mainstream and pretty harsh content-wise, but... hey.... it's a film...

Are there any Speakeasies yet in New York City's newest Prohibition?
If so, please send (coded) directions.

Red Square wrote:
New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg is... The Wizard of 16oz
He wants to ban 16oz fuzzy drinks . . .

Aren't they "fizzy drinks" instead of "fuzzy drinks"?
Or is Mayor Bloomberg actually a Luddite who wants to ban fuzzy logic?

Dig4Utopia wrote:(Speaking of "Pinky and the Brain")

I am so glad to see the cartoon characters of the world
continuing to spread the workers "revolucion" FORWARD!

Pardon my ignorance Komrades, but I always thought that Pinky and the Brain were the codenames of our Agents, Bill and Hillary C.

She is the Brains of the Operation...

Comrades, comrades, don't be misled. A 32 ouncer was always 20 oz. of ice and only 12 oz. of soda anyway!

This is crony capitalism at its finest! You should rejoice.

And technically, Coke is mostly water with a little syrup mixed in. 16 ounces of pure Coke is enough to make 64 gallons of what is poured into drink cups. Who would drink 64 gallons of the mixture, anyway? Who cares about Mayor Dumbberg.

The other obvious argument against your complaint is that if you want 32 ounces, just buy 2-16 'ers. Carry your own 32 oz. mug if you don't want to hold them both. Pour into your cup, be satisfied. Is he going to outlaw the private ownership of 32 oz. cups?

Quit whining, for God's sake. The dictator's got your back.

I forgot, kick your waitress' ass if she won't give you a refill on your 16 oz. drink.

Or go out the out door, become a new customer, and sit at the uncleared table you sat at before. Give her a nice tip coming and going.

How is he going to enforce his edict, comrades? Issue soda-pop ration coupons? Maybe you could come up with a design...

Cube of Influence wrote:Are there any Speakeasies yet in New York City's newest Prohibition?
If so, please send (coded) directions.

Mmmm.... "Bathtub Big Gulps!" Yummy...

If it were Chicago and not NYC, they coulda done what Capone did during prohibition, and driven up to the Kanadistanjian Steppes, to the notorious bootlegging town of Moosejaw (which now holds tours of the underground warren of maze-like tunnels running throughout the downtown area) where the Chicago Mob had their business partners, which included some of my relations, hide their barrels of hooch... Of course, now it'd be barrels of syrup and large canisters of CO2... and large waxed cups and lids... long straws...

I think NY's only option now is to do what we're doing 'up here' for other smuggling ventures... go through the First Nations reserves. After all, that's how we're getting all our illegal guns and tobacco products into Kanadistan, from our neighbours to the south. I mean, that's what NAFTA's all about, right?

Soon, we may once again be using the western Kanadistanjian Steppes for smuggling, but this time it'll be for petroleum products from the oil sands of Alberta down to you via this route, as they've nixed an actual pipeline... a black market for black gold, as it were...

But back to Speakeasies and Bathtub Sugar Beverages... the very thought has me in a Party™ kinda mood and Head Hunter's avatar has me craving guacamole and Doritos... are those banned in NYC too? Doritos... not guacamole...

How could I resist?


I'm going to find my Deathsauce (my favourite hot sauce) now... guac and nachos for brekkie... mmmm....

And just to stay on topic... and since I borrowed Head Hunter's avatar... another movie title...
Bring Me the Head of Fettuccine Alfredo Garcia... Oh!... wait... some more popped into my head... which is sorta scary....

Gravy Stupid Love... mmm... gravy....
Don't Eat, Pray, Love... or should it just be , Pray, Love?...(Damn you, Julia Roberts!)... okay... G-rated...
Dolphin-free Tuna Tale... mmm... just so-so...
Fatterland... meh... how about some animation...
Hoodwinked Too! Food vs. Evil... sphthew!... another go at animation...
Open Seasoning... (the original or either of the sequels... or would that be considered gluttony?)...
Let Me Eat In... .. ... ech!.... but at least it's not fast food... it's people!
My Soul Food To Take... hey... both would be horror films...
Snacker Reloaded... (it's early... I haven't had my coffee... with cream AND sugar in it!)

... Good Lord... there's actually a film called:
Sugartime... (speaks for itself... though I spose I could change it to White Sugartime...)..
The Ides of Marshmallow...
The Kids Are All Left... I know, I know... it's not food, but I couldn't resist...
Any Given Sundae... mmm... Sundaes.... and on an ice cream theme...
The Parfait Roommate.... ... and they actually mean the same thing...
A Scanner Darkly Chocolate
Gulletproof

... Good Lord... there's also actually a film called:
Perfect Pie...
Cooking and Screaming... I dunno... it's a Will Ferrell, Robert Duvall kids soccer movie...
Sexy Beef...
The Bonfire of the Varieties....
The Right Stuffing....
The Inner City Subsidized Breakfast Club...
The Cell-ulite... ow... ow ow ow... my bad...
Fried Chicken Run...
The Non-Alcoholic Cider House Rules....
Food Crimes and Misdemeanors...
Dieting Miss Daisy....
Cry Freedom... 'kay... nothing to do with food, but again, I couldn't resist...
Diet Hard....
End of Sundaes... ok... I know... more ice cream, but it is Apocalyptic, if you think about it...
Erin Broccoli-vich.... did someone already do that one?...
Eyes Wide Butt... ... ... well... the movie sucked too....
Ice Cream Age... hey... we've had a couple mini-heat waves in T.O.... so BACK OFF...
The Jerk Pork... mmm... Jerk pork.. or chicken.. or pulled pork... or.. crap!... now I'm hungry.
Jurassic Pork... ... damn!...
Creamer vs. Creamer... .. ... yeah... I need coffee... with cream... and sugar...
Like Water Not Chocolate...
Local Hero Sandwich....
Midnight Run To Seven Eleven For The Muchies... (that one's for the your President...)
The Milagro Jellybeanfield War....
Mission To Mars Bars.....
My Snack With Andre... ... wait... did someone do that one too already?
The Nutty Allergy Professor...
Pushing Thin....
Rebel Without a Coke....
Regarding O'Henry Bars...
1,200,000 Angry Men....
Willy Wonka and the Factory... ... wait for it... wait for it.... let it sink in.... heheheheheh... I actually really like that one...
Sugarland Express (Damn you, Spielberg!)
Indiana Jones and the Tempura of Doom (Damn you again, Spielberg!)

'kay... I did these at like 6:30-ish in the morning with no sleep and in a lot of pain, and with a really bad cold, so I'm feeling kind of goofy... so don't go too hard on me... But really, it's me, and it's movies.... so you have nobody to blame but yourself... really...

Honestly, Boss.... what were you thinking?
Sis...

Father Prog Theocritus wrote: Remember the girl whose mother packed a good luncheon for her but she had it taken? She had to eat chicken o'nuggets and pay for what she didn't have the next day.

Ahem...

Red Rooster wrote:

Father Prog Theocritus wrote: Remember the girl whose mother packed a good luncheon for her but she had it taken? She had to eat chicken o'nuggets and pay for what she didn't have the next day.

Ahem...

Dear Big Red Comrade Cock...

You do realize that pineapple chicken balls aren't really made from chicken balls, don't you?... or is it the fact that it's fowl at all that is upsetting you?... in which case, get over it!...

For years, my pod of Housekeeping cetaceans had to put up with Meow ordering Salad Niçoise from CubeService™, even before tuna was guaranteed dolphin-free... just knowing our brothers and sisters were dying in nets for his lunch, even as we were forced to wash and fold (never mind touch... do you know how much of my budget I blew on Tyvek and biohazard suits?!) his panties... eeeewww!

And apparently, Soylent Green Is People!

So... get over yourself... Head in Jar is just a head in a jar, and I don't hear him bitching (to quote Roman Polanski, "Do I say 'me and my head, or me and my body?'...")... If you can't sacrifice your nuggets for your Party™, you have no right to call yourself Red. Our Glorious Leader once told me that, very early on in my time at the Cube, and before anyone realized that I was actually really a woman... and I still sacrificed my nuggets for my Party™... At least nobody's plucked you... and then tarred and feathered you...

Cock-a-doodle-doo...
...off to fin some innocent sharks using my Grizzly paw...
Sis

Comrade Red Rooster...

I was up all night with this... well... I guess it's actually pneumonia now, which makes it sound more alarming than it really is... and my mind kept wandering back to my post regarding your nuggets... which I usually take as a sign. And so I asked myself, as I do in these situations, "What Would Papa Theo Do?"... Now, this has, in the past, often gotten me into a great deal of trouble, required me to beg those closest to me to post bond, and generally not always turned out quite as my imaginary version of Papa Theo had promised, and it could simply be the really high fever that I have, but I think I was kind of hard on you... and your nuggets... and for that, I apologize. For all the reasons I stated earlier, I too would be off-put if someone threatened my nuggets, or those of my species in general, so I guess it goes both ways. And I can understand your sensitivity towards things like chicken nuggets, or sweet and sour pineapple chicken balls, for that matter... And, of course, it has often fallen to me to move Brain In Jar out of the sun when 'the boys' have thought it would be interesting to put his jar in the window on a bright day, or add things to his fluid... So I can understand your sensitivity toward the idea of someone other than another chicken, hen or rooster, taking an interest in your, or any other chicken's nuggets...

Please accept my sincerest apologies at my insensitivity towards your plight. It was speciest of me, and that is even more reprehensible, coming from a dolphin. Papa Theo is probably laughing at me right now... or wondering if I'm delirious... which is quite possible, but it really doesn't matter. For all his sharpness of wit, pen, tongue, and keyboard, he would never make fun nor willfully hurt the feelings of another creature simply in a fit of pique brought on by his own irritation or pain or grumpiness... unless it was brought on by a dreaded... you know... it starts with an 'r' and ends with... well... another 'r'... but they don't matter because they are neither animal nor vegetable nor even mineral... simply a slurry of something that has passed through something's bowels and become excremental, probably upsetting whatever poor creature it came out of on its way... something to be trodden carefully around and which is not even fit for fertilizer... you get the idea...

In any case, as I have a great deal of admiration for Papa Theo and try to model my behaviour after his, (and our Glorious Incarnadine Trapezoid Leader's... and Comrade Otis'... and Laika's... it's easier with Laika, since he controls what gets fed into our tinfoil hats) in almost all things... which is sometimes confusing and difficult because they don't always agree... which might be the reason I have to get bonded out so often... but I digress... my admiration for Papa Theo's broad wisdom and innate compassion (as with Red Square's ability to cut straight to the heart of the matter and see things for what they truly are, Comrade Otis' quiet, dry, but sick sense of humour as well as his willingness to take on things he's never tried before, and Laika's ability to sniff out the merest whiff of even the most well-hidden and Byzantine of conspiracies... they are my heroes) leaves me feeling that I have been less kind than I would like to have been. I should have treated your nuggets with more sensitivity. I am ashamed at my lack of empathy. I was feeling like a bag of realtor... um.... poo... myself and should not have taken it out on you. That's no excuse. It was thoughtless and not very empathetic of me.

You have every right to be annoyed at the notion of someone mucking about with your nuggets, and I promise I won't make fun of your nuggets ever again... Please forgive my thoughtlessness.

Sis...

Mao Zebloomberg

This equal piece of visual agitation was emailed to us by a fellow traveler by the name of Symbiote. A larger size is available.