The People's Cube - Political Satire

"WANT IS WEALTH
POVERTY IS PROSPERITY
SQUALOR IS LUXURY"

It is truly a Glorious Day in the Progressive World of Next Tuesday™ we live in, Comrades! Our Glorious Government Scientists have come up with a new product:


Just in time for the Glorious 0bamanation single-payer takeover of all health care functions from evil, greedy KKKapitalist doctors and hospitals, this one Magical Mystery Cure will take care of every medical need. Government science has applied the Theory of Everything of make-believe physics to medicine and reduced all medical science, from treating an annoying cough to performing the most complex neurological and transplant surgeries, into a single elixir.

The old medical science just didn't work – just like the old KKKapitalist way of doing business didn't work. Now that old medical hocus-pocus has finally been rendered obsolete. This one government-issued product will cure every malady known to man and womyn, and continues our long forced-march as Government Science again moves us FORWARD!!
~
Here are just a few of the endless benefits of 0bamadon'tcare Magical Mystery Cure:

• No more surgeries! The magic properties of this potion, made from rainbows and unicorn farts – the same ingredients that run the 0bamanation economy and fuel our Proletariat Energy Plan™ - completely heal and reverse all organic malfunctions and trauma-induced injuries which formerly required surgery with just one or two swigs a day.

• Cures everything! Whether you've got a sniffle or a systemic flesh-eating bacterial infestation, the Magic Healing Properties of 0bamadon'tcare Magical Mystery Cure-all are all the cure you need!

• Easy-to-use! Just take it until you're cured. (Duration of treatment varies.)

To dispense and control this incredibly precious and valuable 0bamadon'tcare Magical Mystery Cure potion, unionized teams of 0bamacorpsedocs are being trained and given authority to break down the doors of enter every domicile to roughly and rudely gently and politely check on every 0bamanation prole resident, survey medical conditions, and prescribe 0bamadon'tcare Magical Mystery Cure as required.

Yes, the 0bamacorpsedocs make hovel calls!

And don't worry about fees or charges, Comrades! In the 0bamanation, everything is free, and everyone participates in wealth redistribution! The 0bamacorpsedocs will use a Government-sanctioned scientifically-determined formula to calculate what their service and the 0bamadon'tcare Magical Mystery Cure are worth to you, up to and including all your worldly possessions. Remember, You Didn't Build That™, you didn't earn it, either, and this cure is worth everything to you. Without Dear 0'leader, your Caring Savior, you would have nothing – all you have is His!

Think of it, Comrades. At last we will be freed from the tyranny of evil medical insurance companies *spit*, hospitals *spit*, and doctors *spit-spit* who have greedily stolen one-sixth of the former US of KKK's wealth. Now, in our Glorious 0bamanation, all that wealth will be appropriately redistributed among the Prog Elites The People™, as Lord Caesar 0bama commands!

*Ushanka doff to Comrade Red Square based on a contribution from Superkommissar Maksim inspired by a concept by Red Square

Now I understand Obamacare ......

Empowering government with managing our healthcare will accomplish two things:

1. We will cast off an un-needed one sixth of our population that drains away government revenue ( the pre-natal, the old and the sick ). Good riddens !

2. The government will steal ..... loot.... acquire another one-sixth of the country's wealth.

It's a win - win for everyone* !

[img]images/clipart/Prog_Off.gif[/img]
* Unless you happen to be within the pre-natal, old or sick catagories.

Look how well it worked for this comrade, comrade! Gaza missile victim cured of shrapnel wounds by Obama's Magical Elixir.

SURGEON GENERAL WARNING:
Magical Mystery Cure may contain astronomical amounts of snake oil.

They are working on a suppository for ease of use, there are those who prefer it that way.

Krasnodar wrote:Now I understand Obamacare ......

Empowering government with managing our healthcare will accomplish two things:

1. We will cast off an un-needed one sixth of our population that drains away government revenue ( the pre-natal, the old and the sick ). Good riddens !

2. The government will steal ..... loot.... acquire another one-sixth of the country's wealth.

It's a win - win for everyone* !

Comrade Kras, indeed 0bamadon'tcare Magical Mystery Cure does not work on the sick (we of the Inner Party need not concern ourselves with any lack of accuracy on the part of our adverts geared to the proles, just as our Dear 0'Leader knows and practices - it's not like he's held to account, or any such racist Tearrorist thing as that), or pre-born (that - not WHO - are properly named in unperson terms, i.e. fetuses, or “mistakes”), or elderly (that is, non-productive soon-to-be-ex-members of the State). 0bamadon'tcare Magical Mystery Cure, because it contains rainbows and unicorn farts, is a “brilliant” potion, tuned via Laika to the Current Truth™, specifically targeted to work only on young, healthy, unquestioning, obedient members of the 0bamanation Plantation – in other words, workers, the vast sea of shiny, ignorant, pathetic, but strong-backed True Believers.

No, they're not “workers” yet. But they will be. For us. Soon. If they want to live.

Yes, and there are old True Believers who are drinking the Kool-Aid Elixir. But we don't tell them it will do them no good. They won't be around long enough to be a concern, anyway. I smile a sharky grin when I see them with their (soon to be our) cars festooned with 0bama 2012 bumper stickers as I drive by them.

By the way, I like your math. It is correctly Proggish! By eliminating one-sixth of the population (to start), we will have one-sixth more of the country's wealth for 0urselves The People™! Out with the deadwood. Oh – of course we love them! But since we are “in camera”, as dear Father Theo is want to point out, we can afford to be pragmatic. There will always be more workers…

Leeroy Jenkinsky wrote:Look how well it worked for this comrade, comrade! Gaza missile victim cured of shrapnel wounds by Obama's Magical Elixir.

Yes, Comrade LJ, 0bamadon'tcare Magical Mystery Cure is particularly effective on such traumatic phantasmagoric injuries.

By the way, that's a fine shovel you've got there! The blade appears honed to a razor's edge.

The better for chopping up indolent proles.

But why is your ushanka's Red Star upside down?

Party Diplomat Ivan Drago wrote:SURGEON GENERAL WARNING:
Magical Mystery Cure may contain astronomical amounts of snake oil.

Comrade Ivan! I must break you. Nothing from Dear Leader Caesar 0bama would ever, EVER contain anything impure or vile or dishonest like “snake oil”. That's what the RethugliKKKans and Tearrorists sell! Why the racist homophobic Islamophobic bigoted nerve of them, thinking that honest labor, or diligence, or love of one's neighbors, or square-dealing, or respect, could ever get anyone anywhere.

No, in 0ur World, we Prog Elite The People™ decide how much to take from each, and to whom and how much to give! And we make it work, because it is true that 100 years of failure mean nothing – we're smarter and better than every Prog who's ever gone before. Now go read your Saul Alinsky and Karl Marx manifestos, consult your Inner Comrade™, take a swig of 0bamadon'tcare Magical Mystery Cure, and see me in the morning.

If you haven't made sufficient FORWARD!™ Progress™ by then, I will schedule you for a Jiffy-Lobo™. Or denounce you, depending upon my mood at the moment.

Anyer Marx wrote:I had heard that it was not to be taken orally.

Comrade Gitsat, you need to be indoctrinated educated in this Magical Mystery Cure's Potency and Utility! It can be taken up any orifice your body may happen to have – now or in the Progressive World of This Tuesday to come!

General Confusion wrote:They are working on a suppository for ease of use, there are those who prefer it that way.

Comrade General, the 0bamadon'tcare Magical Mystery Cure works in any form imaginable by man, womyn, trans-gendered, beast, or any combination thereof. It has such Potent Progressive Party Purely Powerful Perfection that the suppository form would make those rainbows and unicorn farts shine and glow right out of one's ass.

How do you suppose Father Theo does it?

(Uh-oh. I just realized I'm setting myself up for an impaling.)

Hey, R.O.C.K.! Ya get that armor back yet? Lemme borrow it!

Not yet, I'm afraid - I may need to track that woman down. Woman I loaned it to was having a hard time getting her vagina over it (the costume, I mean) at a protest last thing I heard. I will keep you posted!

Well at least she used it appropriately for the Iron Fist vote to ensure Dear 0'Leader Progress™ed to rule and reign over us for Four More Years™!

How many times did she vote? I heard she'd hit fourteen polling places... Voting Progressively in proxy for dead people and pets for The People™. Thanks to gangsta politics The Chitcago Way we Progs don't need IDs to vote!

Ah, well then, I'd better find another suit of armor to steal appropriate; the Smithsonian People's Museum is just down the street, and they owe me some grift a favor...

By the way, where'd you come from, R.O.C.K.? I didn't see you lurking about. You wouldn't be cloaked in one of my Nanosuits, would you, hmmm?

Commissar, I'm difficult to see - I sort of drift on the wind, much like like musical notes that Edgar Alan Poe would have played had he been a lead guitarist...

ROCK like an apparition appeared
Almost unseen as slowly he neared
C.R. asked as ROCK stood before
"Perchance you have in your house of store
Armor to don as in days of yore?"
Quoth the Rocker, "Nevermore".

Who needs a Nanosuit when you can ride the zephyrs unobserved?

That ability no doubt comes in handy to observe the neo-kulaks as they scheme and hatch their nebulous nefarious plots in the false security of their imagined privacy!

As I drifted, zephyr riding
Watching kulaks ducking, hiding
Dear Obama always guiding
As I wafted through their door
Seeing loot, I was rewarded
Twinkies, hundreds - hidden, hoarded
Quick emailing, I was flagging
As I floated by their door
Whitehouse gov, which they abhor
To confiscate their Twinkie store

Comrade R.O.C.K., you have out-Poed Poe!

Yo' no po' man's Poe.

This analogy was so perfect Redumdi! You underestimate yourself! I have taken it upon myself to post the original lyrics, in support of you!


Roll up, roll up for the magical mystery tour, step right this way.
Roll up, roll up for the mystery tour.
Roll up, roll up for the mystery tour.
Roll up (AND) THAT'S AN INVITATION, roll up for the mystery tour.
Roll up TO MAKE A RESERVATION, roll up for the mystery tour.
The magical mystery tour is waiting to take you away,
Waiting to take you away.


Roll up, roll up for the mystery tour.
Roll up, roll up for the mystery tour.
Roll up GOT EVERYTHING YOU NEED, roll up for the mystery tour.
Roll up SATISFACTION GUARANTEED, roll up for the mystery tour.
The magical mystery tour is hoping to take you away,
Hoping to take you away.


A mystery trip.


The magical mystery tour.
Roll up, roll up for the mystery tour.
Roll up (AND) THAT'S AN INVITATION, roll up for the mystery tour.
Roll up TO MAKE A RESERVATION, roll up for the mystery tour.
The magical mystery tour is coming to take you away,
Coming to take you away.
The magical mystery tour is dying to take you away,
Dying to take you away, take you today.




Edit: Could not make the obvious returns work. Even tho I'm in the Rich Text category. For this indescretion I will be taxed within an inch of my life! Sorry Comrades. I'm really not an idiot. Really!

Comradette Pamy, Bravo and thank you for that trippin' time trip! I suspect that the Fab Four even in their most psychedelic daze would've never imagined the mystery trip the former US of KKK is on today!

Oh yes, 0ur Mystery Tour certainly has a Disposition Matrix list of those who will be dying as we take them away. No amount of 0bamadon'tcare Magical Mystery Cure will cure what'll ail them.

Wait - No! I would never say such a thing. I am a Prog of The People™!

And for the textin' and writin' - try switching to Poor Text. It pays behooves us Progs to pretend acknowledge we are of The People™ and for The Children™ even as we destroy them.