The People's Cube - Political Satire

Dateline Washington DC, December 30, 2012.

President B. Hussein Obama announced today that he intends to enact new legislation banning various assault weapons and high capacity magazines as early as April 19, 2013.

"I've spoken with the leadership of the BATFE, the FBI, the CIA, and the military," stated the president during a newscast earlier today, "And they assure me that the American people agree that there is no reason for any civilian to own these types of military weapons, no sporting use whatsoever, and we will begin a field operation on April 19 of next year to remove them from the general population."

The president intends to sign the legislation at a ceremony to be held somewhere in the Lexington/Concord area of Massachusetts.

We contacted official spokespersons at the BATFE (shown above during a training session) and were told that they expect little resistance, if any.

"The American people are behind this legislation," stated BATFE spokesperson Lon Horiuchi, formerly of the FBI Hostage Rescue Team, "And besides, we out-gun them. I, myself, am a hell of a shot - ever heard of a two-fer?"

We attempted to contact the American people, but they were out having Sunday afternoon target practice and weren't available for comment.

Obama on Sunday said he would make gun control a priority in his new term, pledging to put his “full weight” behind passing new restrictions on firearms in 2013.

https://thehill.com/blogs/blog-briefing ... es-in-2013

Knife murders rise 50% in US -Look for more draconian knife laws in near future -

Tasty?

I.M. Craptek wrote:Knife murders rise 50% in US -Look for more draconian knife laws in near future -

Comrade Craptek, I am reminded by the picture why (among other reasons) I am not invited to 1%-er dinners ... I keep forgetting whether it is the Browning or the Derringer used during the salad course.

Comrade Marx, the Derringer is generally preferred for the salad course. Of course.

The real problem comes when they wheel in the massive chocolate mousse dessert and you have to reach behind you and grab the Barrett.

Comrades, do not fret... Dear Leader's™ plan is tight!

A 10 year old girl told him to take all the guns away from people, so he's doing it. The Progressives should cast aside their FORWARD meme and adopt this new one:

THE CHILDREN™ HAVE SPOKEN

Comrades, it is truly a glorious time to be alive here in the USSA! We knew that NextTuesday™ would be progressively delightful, but it's already panning out to be beyond our wildest dreams! In just a couple of days Senator Dianne Feinswine is going to take a major step toward keeping us all safer, and Dear Leader President B. Hussein Obama (pbuh) has said that she has his full support!

As the details continue to emerge concerning the legislation about to be rammed through passed, it caught my attention this morning that all those evil assault weapons (and semi-automatic handguns) that will be grandfathered in will, nevertheless, require registration to be legally owned. Can you just imagine the consternation the vast right wing teabag conspiracy is going to feel when they hear that they have to register not just their AR-15s, but their Glocks, Sig Sauers, and Smith & Wessons?

And we all know what follows gun registration, don't we comrades? All we need to do is look at history to see what all the other gloriously progressive governments of the world have done shortly after forcing persuading their citizens to register their firearms.

Suffice to say, the USSA is going to be a LOT safer once those weapons are removed from the cold, dead fingers of all those bitter clingers!

I think I'm going to go and have an early sip of beet champagne!

For contrast purposes only, I present a Bitter Clinger from the so-called "heartland" - holding an Evil Assault Weapon™!

How do I get one of those, not the gun, the bitter clinger.

Does she need something to cling to?

Oh. No.

:O

Robert Fine wrote:

Obama on Sunday said he would make gun control a priority in his new term, pledging to put his “full weight” behind passing new restrictions on firearms in 2013.

I should have guessed what he meant by "full weight" is the First Horse.

Fhalkyn wrote:

I.M. Craptek wrote:Tasty?

The attachment human-brain_1001_600x450.jpg is no longer available

Comrade Craptek, what have you and Comrade Krasnodar done to Comrade Ivan Benitov?!

Forgive me for not making it clear Comrade Fhalkyn. The brain in question was not that of Benitov. I have had a field worker korrekt this grievous omission of detail.

So just how long is this confiscation gonna take
so we can get to the fun stuff?

If perhaps you might send your progressive field worker over this way, I would be delighted engage in a bit of fraternal socialist fraternization....