The People's Cube - Political Satire

I, Barack Obama, as your Fearless Leader, have identified and nominated the perfect candidate to be the Downsized Defense Department Secretary to implement my policy (decisively approved by the voters on November 6, 2012) for "Peace by 2016" as promised in one of my most important campaign videos of the 2012 Campaign. Who is that perfect cadidate? It's Chuck Hagel, whose record and expertise make him the perfect candidate for implementing my policy for a Mini-Defense Department streamlined to be Globally Friendly, Earth Friendly, All-Green (apologies to Army brown ad Nav and Air Force blue), and Super-Lean.



His portfolio of positions make him the ideal Mini-Secretary to end the heretofore unwarranted Bush-Era-Size Defense Department's consumption of vast financial resources at the expense of much more vital, progressive programs such as Green Energy, ObamaPhones, Food Stamps, and the wide arraw of Free Stuff for which Americans voted on Nov. 6, 2012. In addition to his budget-cutting expertise, his portfolio of foreign policy positions will strongly reinforce my historic plans for achieving Global Peace by 2016: He voted against Bush's ill-fated "surge" in Iraq, he's opposed classification as "terrorists" the very human-causers with whom we must negotiate and with whom we must demand that Israel also negotiate in defiance of the notorious "Jewish Lobby": Hezbollah, Hamas, all factions of the Muslim Brotherhood, and the Iranian Guard. His downsizing of our bloated U.S. Military will usher-in Peace by 2016 by enabling the Russians, the Chinese and the Muslim Brotherhood to begin carrying their share of the burden of filling the vacuum we will be creating by downsizing our military.


These massive cuts to the Pentagon's gold-plated budget will reverse the Bush-era trend of seeking to provide the burdensome weight on our troops imposed by the sheer heaviness of gold-plated weapons in battling "leaner and meaner" adversaries. Such massive cuts will finally enable us to more dramatically increase spending on more vital programs such as Green Energy, Food Stamps, ObamaPhones, ObamaCare, Obamacation (education in principles of Obamanomics) and other Free Stuff deemed by a decisive majority of Americans on Nov. 6, 2012, to be vital to the Transformaton of America into a society of equitable redistribution. This will also enable us to build that "civilian national security force" to be bigger, more powerful and better funded than our military in order to be able to effectively enforce my soon-to-be-forthcoming Executive Orders to protect all Americans from the private ownership of firearms of any kind.



Ignore the idiot at the end of the above, out-dated video.

--Fearless Leader

Another Oompa Loompa for His Willie Wankerness.

Am I missing something? We Won. Why do we need an archaic Dept. of Defense in the glorious new U.S.S.A? And a far right extremist rethug at that?? We need to re-align the entire Dept. to move us FORWARD™ into our vision of progressive utopia and I've got just the right left man for the job!

Can I get a second?

Shovel 4 U wrote:Am I missing something? We Won. Why do we need an archaic Dept. of Defense in the glorious new U.S.S.A? And a far right extremist rethug at that?? ...

You're right. We don't need the archaic Department of Defense now that the ubiquity of free stuff makes it obvious that we've attained the Collectivist Freedumb for the masses, so now all we need is a downsized Department of Duhfence (an invisible but powerful fence surrounding all of us to keep us secure in our Freedumb), and we must also embrace our rights to bare arms in light of our having attained free-stuff nirvana and total security from the omnipresence of elite surveillance mercifully eliminating our need to bear arms.

Duhfence is, of course, a high-tech invisible version of the fence in Jurassic Park controlled by our wise leaders of the Inner Party so that we dinosaurs don't hurt ourselves by attempting to escape. Reagan (despite his right-wing madness) presciently predicted it would only take one generation for the obsolete concept of Freedom to be lost (and replaced, of course, by Freedumb). There still exists in isolated pockets examples of retrograde thinking about the now-fully-discredited concept of "Freedom":


We must, of course, diligently perform our duty to the collective to attempt to stamp-out such nonsense wherever we find it, so we must all be unrelentingly vigilent in surveilling our neighbors, friends, relatives, etc.

--KOOK

I, Barack Obama, our Fearless Leader, compliment Chuck Hagel for his prescient wisdom in inspiring the way for Comrade Gore to declare himself politically sympatico with Aljazeera in selling his interests in Current TV to Aljazeera and steadfastly refusing to even consider selling Current TV's channel list to the Now-Libertarian Neanderthal, Glenn Beck. Here's Chuck, way ahead of his time back in 2009, declaring himself sympatico with an Aljazeera viewer's view of America as the "bully of the world":




--Fearless Leader