The People's Cube - Political Satire

Dear Comrades,

The head of the Chicagograd Regional Police Battalion, Comrade Chief Garry McCarthy, has declared that the Bill of Rights of the US Constitution only applied to the 18th century, and that all matters of civil rights hinge on workers' and peasants' need for safety guaranteed by State security apparatuses.

Therefore, all attempts to use the US Constitution to oppose security operations by State Law Enforcement organs are a danger to the public and will be suppressed.

Comrade McCarthy, known for his heroic service which has led to Chicagograd having the reputation as one of the safest cities in the USSA, is an expert in constitutional interpretation. In recent remarks on a local broadcast from the American Media Collective, the Chief explained that the Constitution was only intended to cover the current issues of 18th century America, making is a reactionary and decadent document.

In our Progressive era, where all citizens are equal and endowed by their membership in the Proletariat with the unalienable rights to complete protection and the provision of all their needs by the State, the Constitution now represents a threat to public safety when it is evoked as limiting the proper mandatory services of the State for the protection and care of the Masses.

The often misunderstood Second Amendment was, according to the Chief, only intended for sport-hunting muskets in the 18th century, and therefore all weapons ownership is unlawful due to the natural dangers of gun ownership. Comrade McCarthy has often advocated that citizens surrender their firearms and enjoy the true protection and security that Chicago police are known for providing their citizens.

And, since hunting will soon be banned throughout the USSA, loyal citizens may begin pre-seizure surrendering of all muzzle-loading weapons along with whatever weapons one has not already turned over under the Party's Universal Pacification and Disarmament Plan. This will save you a visit by the local People's Militia to collect your weapons from you, which also requires a full search of the premises.

Down with bourgeois ‘rights'!
Up with the Right to Security Through Universal Disarmament!

Faithfully submitted to the Collective of the People's Cube,
Comrade Nomenklatura-climber
Dialectical Progressivism Translator

During the State of the Union address, President Obama explained how Americans must transition into modern thinking in interpreting ancient texts:




Following President Obama's lead as a constitutional scholar enables us to recognize that the Second Amendment applies only to firearms as they existed at that time -- It's the modern constitutional scholarship method of construing ancient statements of abstract principles in ways to un-abstract them and construing un-abstract specifics as though they were abstract generalities. It's the Progressively Modern School of the Living Constitution.

And there is, of course, a "Cliff Notes" version for proles (also known as LIVs) with short attention spans:




--KOOK

Replace the outdated U.S. Constitution with up-to-date U.S.S.R. Constitution!

And this foolish business about "all men are created equal" should be "all persons are equal but some are more equal than others."

From: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Original_intent
"Original intent maintains that in interpreting a text, a court should determine what the authors of the text were trying to achieve, and to give effect to what they intended the statute to accomplish, the actual text of the legislation notwithstanding."

This can be applied to many other domains as well.

"Hey girl
As I've always said I prefer your lips red
Not what the good Lord made
But what he intended"
-- Roger Waters, The Pros and Cons of Hitchhiking