The People's Cube - Political Satire

Mayor Bloomberg, "People's Soda Hero," has again saved New York workers by assuring their proper soda allotment is protected by banning over provisioning at lower than equal pricing.

If our comrades must stuff themselves with an entire pizza, at least they will not be allowed a decadent 2 liters of soda in one bottle for the inequitable sum of $3 dollars without ever leaving their house.

Among other debilitating effects, soda is very bad for a comrade's teeth, which Our Loving Mayor knows all too well from personal experience. And being of the ruling and over-achieving class, Mayor Bloomberg understands how incapable the common proletariat is at knowing what is best for them. We applaud the Mayor's efforts.

The Mayor's office is asking the people to be on the look out for errant pizza delivery agents who might infringe on the public's right to consumption protection and quotas.


Secretly, the People's Commissar of Derangement and Insanity is checking into Mayor Bloomberg's past experiences to determine the cause of our Mayor's hostility toward soda.

Was he soda-boarded at some point or dropped in a vat of soda as a child? Can severe soda deprivation cause pop paranoia?

Our Committee on Current Truth can easily deal with whatever lunatic idea the Mayor dreams up and turn it into a People's Right. We do, however, want to know if he is a danger to the Inner Party.

Dateline New York City -

In a move described by some as "ludicrous" and others as "ridiculously asinine", New York City Mayor Michael "The Nanny" Bloomberg has taken a bold step - in goose step lock step with FLATUS Moochelle Obama - in combating the overweight epidemic that's holding New York City - and all of the USSA - in its firm but flabby grip.

Beginning on March 12 of this year, no soft drinks over 16 ounces will be allowed to be sold along with meals, delivered or in restaurants within the Big Apple.

"I think it's for the best," stated New York City resident Mahmoud Mohammed Ahmed Muhammud Allahu Akbar when we spoke to him this afternoon outside a popular New York pizzaria - "Hey, the government knows what's right, and once these people get used to the idea of submitting and doing what they're told, we're one step closer to Sharia!"

Not everyone agrees - most of those we interviewed on the busy streets of downtown Manhattan said they were really getting fed up with "this whole government control thing".

Fortunately, New Yorkers will have a hard time standing up for their soft drink rights, what with all the new gun laws recently passed in New York. But just as no one needs an assault weapon or a high capacity magazine clip for any sporting purpose, neither does anyone need more than 16 ounces of soft drinks - even when they're a family.

Seen above, a New York Soft Drink Police sniper gets off a practice round at one of the new DHS targets which looks like a pizza delivery man. Note the Pepsi 32 ounce bottle engraved on the special NYSDP brass cartridge being ejected after firing.

AAAAHHHHKKKK!!! a 30 Round Magazene in NEW YORK!
When swat teams must arrest swat teams, all are finally equal...

Comrades,
Reactionaries are already at work attempting to thwart the good Mayor's efforts through the use of concealed carry 12 can soda belt magazines thereby allowing an unprecedented 144 oz. capacity!!!

Tovarichi wrote:AAAAHHHHKKKK!!! a 30 Round Magazene in NEW YORK!
When swat teams must arrest swat teams, all are finally equal...

Not to worry Comrade - while still over the 7-round civilian limit, that's only a 20-rounder, as the NYSDP sniper is shooting an AR-10 in .308.

And Comrade Craptek, I must admit that that woman has some delicious looking cans!

Wonder what size beer container they can deliver?

Instead of attempting to restrict soda intake, Commissar Bloomberg should have ordered the fluoridation of soft drinks to sap and impurify the precious bodily fluids of New Yorkers. Is no one reading Michelle Obama's memos on how to carry out the international Communist conspiracy?

R.O.C.K. in the USSA wrote: ...Seen above, a New York Soft Drink Police sniper gets off a practice round at one of the new DHS targets which looks like a pizza delivery man. Note the Pepsi 32 ounce bottle engraved on the special NYSDP brass cartridge being ejected after firing.

And the target ....:

ThePeoplesComrade wrote:

bloomberg soda hero.jpg

Mayor Bloomberg, "People's Soda Hero," has again saved New York workers by assuring their proper soda allotment is protected by banning over provisioning at lower than equal pricing.

If our comrades must stuff themselves with an entire pizza, at least they will not be allowed a decadent 2 liters of soda in one bottle for the inequitable sum of $3 dollars without ever leaving their house.

Among other debilitating effects, soda is very bad for a comrade's teeth, which Our Loving Mayor knows all too well from personal experience. And being of the ruling and over-achieving class, Mayor Bloomberg understands how incapable the common proletariat is at knowing what is best for them. We applaud the Mayor's efforts.

The Mayor's office is asking the people to be on the look out for errant pizza delivery agents who might infringe on the public's right to consumption protection and quotas.

bloomberg soda anonymous.jpg

Secretly, the People's Commissar of Derangement and Insanity is checking into Mayor Bloomberg's past experiences to determine the cause of our Mayor's hostility toward soda.

Was he soda-boarded at some point or dropped in a vat of soda as a child? Can severe soda deprivation cause pop paranoia?

Our Committee on Current Truth can easily deal with whatever lunatic idea the Mayor dreams up and turn it into a People's Right. We do, however, want to know if he is a danger to the Inner Party.

Since the gubbermint has seen fit to grant me a big fat case of cancer and I have the time to do the research I will tell you in two words why nanny bloomy is so against "soda".1. aspartame2. high fructos corn syrupBoth of these lovely chemical have PROVEN to give people cancer (mostly lukiemia or some varient of it) and yet the gubbermint allows them in our food supply.10 to 20 thousand people a year are poisoned this way and many many more through other USDA "approved" chemicals like benzine get cancer without ever knowing that it is the choice of drinks that is giving it to them.tell everyone you know about these facts and you just might save a comrades life!

Never fear Comrades, the solution is simple. Wait until we have accumulated about 20 Million undocumented 2 liter bottles then we can call them racists and bigots if they suggest deportation. Bloomboobs would be more understanding I think in that respect.

spymyeyes wrote:Since the gubbermint has seen fit to grant me a big fat case of cancer

I have a feeling you are serious. Let me offer my heart felt sympathy, Comrade. On the issues of what is healthy, I would agree with you. However, I'm just not sure we want our mayors deciding what or how much we should eat or drink. Those decisions should be left to the President or his wife and maybe his children for the good of the people.

We must trust the ruling class to watch out for us.

ThePeoplesComrade wrote:

spymyeyes wrote:Since the gubbermint has seen fit to grant me a big fat case of cancer

I have a feeling you are serious. Let me offer my heart felt sympathy, Comrade. On the issues of what is healthy, I would agree with you. However, I'm just not sure we want our mayors deciding what or how much we should eat or drink. Those decisions should be left to the President or his wife and maybe his children for the good of the people.

We must trust the ruling class to watch out for us.

obama eating 2.jpg

NO !!!! HE DOESN'T WANT IN ... HE WANTS HIS NUTS !!!!!! (TASTES JUST LIKE CHICKEN)

I.M. Craptek wrote:Comrades,
Reactionaries are already at work attempting to thwart the good Mayor's efforts through the use of concealed carry 12 can soda belt magazines thereby allowing an unprecedented 144 oz. capacity!!!

A-Ten-Hut!

Fall in line maggots.

Be it advised that Sarge is here for equipment inspection. Charlie has been located in this sector and we must make sure there are no bOOby traps in the equipment.

As you were men.

Oorah.

[color=#C0392B]R.O.C.K. in the USSA[/color] wrote:Bra cup? What bra cup?

Bloomberg bans Coke throughout galaxy.

Taiwanese Comrades mock NYC's Bloomberg for his unrelenting war on, well..., everything proles like to eat. It may be time to open a People's Cube office in Taiwan! Eastward!

Evil Taiwanese capitalists.

The Progressive Rage Boys respond to a New York Judge striking-down NYC Mayor Bloomberg's ban on large sodas: Mayor Bloomberg declared the Judge's decision unconstitutional because "No soda container should be taller than I am." Al Gore also condemned the decision because "Large Carbonated Sodas Cause Global Warming," and President Obama cried, "Michelle will be OUTRAGED!"


--KOOK

I think the title of the WWJ article is unconstitutional.