The People's Cube - Political Satire

WASHINGTON — A combative President Barack Obama blamed Republican lawmakers Friday for failing to stop automatic spending cuts that were to begin kicking in later in the day.

Obama, pressed on whether he bears some of the responsibility for the stalemate, expressed frustration. "Give me an example of what I might do," he challenged reporters. "I am not a dictator. I'm the president," he said. "I can't do a Jedi mind-meld to get Republicans to negotiate".

Additional details of the tension-filled meeting emerged from the discussions with Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell and Speaker of the House, John Boehner. The President started off the meeting by introducing his 28-foot tall sequester robot, Gort.

"Gentlemen...I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser gate. All those moments will be lost in time... like tears in rain... Time to increase taxes before I let my Chicago friend, Gort, conduct the 'negotiations'."

"What is that thing?" asked McConnell. "A droid or a drone?"

"I think it's one of the droids that my staff use to Tweet with...." Boehner speculated.

"These are not the droids you are looking for" snapped the President. "I have tried to work with you to come up with a balanced approach to this problem."

"Do or do not. There is no try." the Speaker replied. "Look...the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few...or the one. We've got to get this deal done."

Senator McConnell explained that there was no common ground and that he had a plane to catch and headed to the door. At this point the President signaled to Gort to block the door. John Boehner attempted to get past the giant robot, but was physically restrained by the droid.

"Take your damn stinking paws off me, you damn dirty droid! Now open the Oval Office doors, Gort."

"I'm afraid I can't do that, John" Gort chillingly replied. With some quick thinking, Senator McConnell uttered "Klaatu Barack Obama" and the droid ceased his restraint of the Speaker. The pair then opened the door to leave.

As he exited, Speaker Boehner paused, put on his sunglasses and said to the President (in a deep Austrian accent), "I'll be back."

Negotiations are expected to resume next week on the planet Alderan.

A new HERO of the PEOPLE emerges, the Mind Melding Jedi.

Their minds are becoming as one!

What does Dear Leader need with a starship?

Engles Lenin And Palmer wrote:What does Dear Leader need with a starship?

Comrade, have you not been reading your Keynesian-Marxian economic texts religiously???? Public works projects of all types, even half-finished bridges in Japan, stimulate the economy and enrich the People!

Besides, you never know when someone will be opening a golf course on Jupiter.

Well that's just stupid. Everybody knows you can't make people do things with the mind-meld. All you can do is read people's thoughts with the mind-meld. Sheesh, if you could make people do what you want with the mind-meld I'm afraid to even think what my boy friend would've got me to do.

Opiate of the People wrote:Comrade, have you not been reading your Keynesian-Marxian economic texts religiously????

Nyet, comrade, I'm too busy making concept album about Hayek's The Road to Utopia, but the People's Mellotron keeps going out of tune.

Margaret wrote:Well that's just stupid. Everybody knows you can't make people do things with the mind-meld. All you can do is read people's thoughts with the mind-meld. Sheesh, if you could make people do what you want with the mind-meld I'm afraid to even think what my boy friend would've got me to do.

It seems like it would violate the prime directive.

Which of course is an evil conservative idea that causes beings to suffer! Were we to follow the prime directive in the USSA, for example, how could we force them into Obamacare? Or gun free zones?

Well played, Comrade I.M. Craptek.....well played. :-)

He is no Vulcan, he is ROMULAN!!!!!!

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I'm sticking with Borg.