The People's Cube - Political Satire

Kentucky Senator Rand Paul on Thursday introduced the “Life At Conception Act,” saying that the “right to life is guaranteed to all Americans.”

“The Life at Conception Act legislatively declares what most Americans believe and what science has long known — that human life begins at the moment of conception, and therefore is entitled to legal protection,” Sen. Paul said.
It should be noted that with the passage of Paul's bill, the US Government will responsibly provide "Conception to Grave Care." Among the many new benefits bestowed upon the fertilized eggs, embryos, and soon-to-be legal residents from the moment of conception:

1. Tax deduction.
2. Welfare benefits.
3. USDA prescribed breakfast, lunch, and after school snack.
4. Social security number.
5. Full coverage health insurance.
6. Child support payments.
7. Free speech, freedom of the press.
8. Right to bear arms.
9. Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
10. Obama phones.

Qualifying embryo carriers will have access to affordable child-care.

The new citizen-embryos will also be held liable for injury done to the carrying mother. Offenses for which they will be held accountable include:

1. Punching.
2. Kicking.
3. Keeping Mom and Dad awake.
4. Generating excessive amniotic fluid.
5. Stomach stretching.
6. Discomfort from water retention, swelling, or any other act.
7. Depriving other eggs from access to sperm and fertilization.
8. Depriving Dad of sex and causing grounds for divorce.


A judge will determine if the embryos should be tried as adults. Furthermore, a panel of psychological experts will determine the mental state and motivation of citizen-embryos to decide whether crimes committed should be judged as "hate crimes."

If a mother is found to be in any way recklessly endangering a citizen-embryo, the embryo will be extracted and taken into care by Child Protective Services.

All sex will be monitored by trained government workers to determine pregnancy status. All fertilized eggs will be given a 9-digit identification number suitable for tracking throughout his or her lifetime. Same-sex marriages only will be exempt from this provision of the Act, thanks to a last-minute compromise with Senate Democrats. Post-partum to the Act will be a sibling bill (originally authored by former Sen. Barney Frank) which formalizes the legal citizenship of fecal matter.

Birth canals of children (and eventually feces) will be strictly regulated to ensure sanitary conditions at all times. Owners of birthing ports who fail to honor their responsibility will undergo assisted cleaning and regular psychiatric evaluation.

Sex will be prohibited with any woman who has a record of any abortion, voluntary or involuntary.

Miscarriages will go before a government tribunal who will ascertain the cause and prevent miscarriage of social justice. If it is determined that any citizen-embryo could have been saved through intervention, the mother will be charged with second-degree manslaughter for negligence.

Voluntary abortions will, of course, be prosecuted as first-degree murder under the jurisdiction of the Federal Government, who has made this proclamation.

Any woman not wishing to carry a fertilized egg or embryo to full term will be required to find a suitable surrogate. If one cannot be found, fertilized eggs may be deposited on the mucus walls of an Agency approved, damp, subterranean cavern.

When questioned about his claim of what "most Americans believe" and what "science has long known", Paul said, "Who cares that the Bible says that Adam did not become a 'living soul' until God breathed into his nostrils the breath of life? Who cares that it is apparent and has been long known that when you breathe your last breath, you're dead, no longer alive?"

"Who cares that life is invisible, and science has never seen it? Science is infallible and knows these things. There is a consensus."

He added, "What does breath have to do with life? Nothing. What does logic have to do with how we interpret the Bible? Nothing. Not only is science smarter than God, most Americans are too. That's why Obama is president, after all."

"You should be applauding our efforts. We stand for freedom and liberty for all Americans, even our beloved citizen-eggs and citizen-embryos."

When questioned about life after death, Paul said "Sure most Americans believe that as well. When you're dead, you are not really dead. You're floating around in the sky if you've gone to meet your maker. That does not mean anyone should be deprived of the joy of living in the USA in the meantime."

Proposed: Safe, eco-friendly, Party approved egg transportation -

Just wait until our Comrades in the DemocRat Party find out about this...they will be able to borrow more money based upon the potential future earnings of all human ova on hand at any given time.

This truly could be the answer to those pesky financial problems and makes much more sense than those silly trillion ruble coins someone proposed....

I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN ALIVE AT CONCEPTION. I denounce Paul for being unaware of womanly units and their awareness!

... and by the way, I have a disease that needs "controlling" - with whom do I need to be speaking?? (cough cough)

Fraulein Franken-Feinstein wrote:
... and by the way, I have a disease that needs "controlling" - with whom do I need to be speaking?? (cough cough)

First Responders are on their way. Please be patient, we've had a ton of calls from people reserving cavern space for their pods...

Dear Leader will find a way around this caveman's self declared war on womyn
and protect womyns health once and for all.

Whoaaa Comrade....serious flashback......Comrade Bella Abzug arguing that the Old Age Pension benefit would have to recalculate based on conception date.

The ridiculous implications of change in a system could well be the fault of the system itself rather than a fault in the nature and justification of the change.

Having said that, I've danced on both sides of that fence. Let the States go there own way....which means Roe v Wade has to go.

Centers for Disease Control wrote:

Fraulein Franken-Feinstein wrote:
... and by the way, I have a disease that needs "controlling" - with whom do I need to be speaking?? (cough cough)

First Responders are on their way. Please be patient, we've had a ton of calls from people reserving cavern space for their pods...

I did not realize there was a need for disease controlling, so I will try to be patient. But as for cavern spaces for poddery, we have of such at the gulag. Some troll called it a .... sinkhole?

For the sake of The Children, only Party approved Progs will be permitted to breed. All others must be kept in separate stalls housing units throughout their working lives. Intermingling of the sexes - including variations thereof - will be permissible only upon termination during the recycling process.

In case you are wondering what all the obtuse references are (numerous remakes)...

Fraulein Franken-Feinstein wrote:I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN ALIVE AT CONCEPTION. I denounce Paul for being unaware of womanly units and their awareness!

Fraulein, from your picture, you don't look that alive. What gives? Not Necrophilia, I hope.

Centers for Disease Control wrote:

Fraulein Franken-Feinstein wrote:I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN ALIVE AT CONCEPTION. I denounce Paul for being unaware of womanly units and their awareness!

Fraulein, from your picture, you don't look that alive. What gives? Not Necrophilia, I hope.

How is it that a government agency (CDC) can be insulting a beautiful womyn? I denounce your necrophilia and raise you 3 gum diseases.