3/31/2013, 12:37 am
Anonymous, soon-to-be executed sources from inside darkest North Korea today named Nobel Prize winning economist and NY Times columnist Paul Krugman as the driving force behind DPRK supreme leader Kim Jung Un's threats to declare war against the United States.
Krugman, a well-known proponent of Keynesian economic theory, is said to believe a credible threat of a nuclear attack on the US, one which could cause the destruction of several large cities, would trigger massive amounts of US government spending for defense and infrastructure reconstruction. The resulting economic stimulus would quickly end the depression caused by former Republican president George W. Bush in 2008, just as government spending during World War II ended the first great depression caused by Republican president Herbert Hoover.
On a television panel discussion in August 2011, Krugman floated a similar idea which employed space aliens as the catalysts for spending instead of North Koreans (although many would say that is a distinction without a difference.) However, the program was on CNN and thus no one was watching. Undeterred, Krugman pressed forward with the plan but was unable to convince any extraterrestrials to sign on and was forced to drop it.
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Krugman later attempted to revise the "extraterrestrial" stimulus plan, substituting the idea of having scientists predict an alien invasion instead of the aliens themselves doing so. In fact, a number of prominent climate scientists agreed to make the alien invasion forecast publicly and the plan was activated but little credence was given to their prediction for some strange reason and the strategy was abandoned.
But as luck would have it, the term of North Korean supreme-leader-for-life Kim Jong-Il ended in December 2011 and the people chose his son, Kim Jung Un as his replacement. The new DPRK leader turned out to be an enthusiastic Keynesian (as most enlightened smart people are) and eagerly signed on to the Krugman plan when the subject was broached with him by Roving US Ambassador Dennis Rodman during a state visit last month.
The revelation has worried some experts who fear that Kim Jung Un may not comprehend that the nuclear sabre-rattling is just a ruse designed to influence US fiscal policy or that he may get caught up in the excitement of putting an end to evil capitalism once and for all, resulting in the DPRK following thru on the threats and launching a nuclear attack.
Krugman laughs off such notions, saying "These are sane Marxists we're talking about here, not NRA members or Sarah Palin. I have as much faith in Kim Jung Un as I do in Ben Bernanke."
Other critics are worried that if the plan succeeds and huge amounts of government borrowing and spending ensue, the economic effects on the country may unexpectedly not be as positive as Krugman predicts, resulting in a figurative debt bomb of nuclear proportions.
"That's just nonsense tea-bagger talk", said Krugman. "Listen, I'm an expert, I work for the NY Times. I have a Nobel Prize. When people with credentials like mine advocate a policy, what could possibly go wrong?"
