The People's Cube - Political Satire

Good news and bad this morning Comrades.

First, the good news...

Russian soldiers are finally replacing foot wraps with socks

They've seen service in the Seven Years war, the Napoleonic wars, the Crimean war and two world wars – in fact, in every war the Russian army has fought since the 17th century. But by the end of this year, they'll be history.


Portyanki, the squares of cloth (cotton for summer, flannel for winter) in which Russian soldiers have wrapped their feet since the days of Peter the Great, have lost their last and greatest battle – against socks.


When US troops met the Red Army at the river Elbe before the final push on Berlin in April 1945, American GIs were astonished to see their formidable Soviet counterparts wearing rags under their boots.

In fact, the cloths – common everywhere before the industrial revolution – were eminently practical: far cheaper to make than socks, quicker and easier to wash, dry and mend, and (providing they were properly bound) fit for purpose. They allowed Russia's hard-pressed factories not to be distracted by making socks, and soldiers in the field to improvise replacements if need be.

They did, though, need to be worn correctly. Oleg Dimitriev, a Russia Today journalist who spent two years – or, as he puts it, "695 days" – in portyanki on military service, writes that they could be torture until you got the technique right.


"The most crucial aspect is that one can only wear portyanki that are wrapped tightly," Dimitriev says. "If the soldier doesn't follow the procedure exactly, he could hurt his feet and get painful blisters."

You also had to be able to put your portyanki on fast: Red Army regulations stipulated soldiers had to be fully dressed within 45 seconds. The rags, which inevitably got pretty rancid, were changed weekly, at the same time as the soldier's shower, and then boiled at 100C.

**SCHNIPP**

Which brings me to the bad news...

What will these poor Comrades in the field flavor their traditional cabbage soup with??

Will Russian Army borscht ever be the same??

Will the Motherland's cuisine ever recover from the shock and loss of this traditional People's Flavoring??

Will comrades in gulag be issued shovels along with their spoons next??

What is to become of the People's portyanki factories??

Are evil Capitalistic footwear being forced on our brave Comrades??

A dark day Comrades....a dark day indeed....

I remember wearing portyanki with felt boots (valenki) when I was a kid. I still remember the pain caused by an improper wrapping procedure. When I lived in Siberia, I wore felt boots again, only with socks. That's when I appreciated the value of foot wraps: when the boots are loose and don't fit properly (as is the case with all felt boots), portyanki create the necessary cushioning by filling the empty spaces inside.

Since then I have lost that useful skill. Thankfully, I now live in Florida where foot wrapping and felt boots are not mandatory.

I just have to find other ways to flavor my borsht.

Commissar Wahoo!

This callous condition is easily remedied by solutions sold here in the USSA, something I found on the current propaganda device: television. What a country!

You got your wraps, we got ours! Observe!

Thing is, in the case of Siberia's progs, ya gotta use it every day.

In the USSA, not so much.

Here in USSA we are in development phase of using more and more wrappings.

Not to worry, comrades - increases more every day.

I am so fortunate to have a hubby who actually loves me for who I am. He likes to see me unwrapped. You can't get a better guy than this!

Comrade Square, I never intended to impune the integrity of your borscht, but the Russian Army's weekly ration is certainly suspect.

In fact, the Reasonable Comrade Theory says it would be wise to wonder how much cabbage was ever in that weekly ration of Red Army "cabbage soup". At least we know it was 100C....

A famous American capitalist coined a different name for this "People's Seasoning"...bromidrosis.....

BvNtEbdc

That would be Frank Zappa! Listen listen, and learn learn, learn!

I cannot help myself!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Jh6wnm ... detailpage

Pamalinsky wrote:I am so fortunate to have a hubby who actually loves me for who I am. He likes to see me unwrapped. You can't get a better guy than this!

Comrade Pamalinsky, I, for one, prefer to see MOST women unwrapped.

I almost said all, but a few exceptions immediately came to mind.

Pamalinsky wrote:Commissar Wahoo!

This callous condition is easily remedied by solutions sold here in the USSA, something I found on the current propaganda device: television. What a country!

You got your wraps, we got ours! Observe!

Thing is, in the case of Siberia's progs, ya gotta use it every day.

In the USSA, not so much.

Ugh, that makes my flesh crawl. Or as a southern cousin used to say, "My flash crawl."

Here is a more civilized, modern way to rid one's foot of an unwanted callous.

Please comrades! Have mercy and scratch some fingernails on a chalkboard so I forget that image.

Comrade Kelly -

Captain Craptek wrote:

angle-electric-1506.jpg

Here is a more civilized, modern way to rid one's foot of an unwanted callous.

Hey, Captain Craptek!

Yeah! This brings back such fond memories of my own use of this device to grind the paint off a 100-year-old brick wall in a loft we were renovating in NOHO, NYC. You can't imagine the countless layers of paint after all that time: Egg-yolk yellow, Puke pink, Yuck! It was daunting. Yeah, that grinding sucker kicked some butt!

After all the paint was ground off, we sprayed the whole place white, starting the process all over again and bringing it into the 21st Century. I thought it would've been so much better just to leave it alone. But, that's just me. I hadn't become a Progressive yet.

Those were the good ol' days. (Sigh!)

p.s. True story!

R.O.C.K. in the USSA wrote:Comrade Kelly -

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Absolutely Korrect, dear R.O.C.K.!

This is what makes it so difficult for me to keep abreast, if you'll pardon the expression, of what is currently going on. You can't just "unsee" things once you've seen them.

Unless, of course, you can get yourself a full frontal lobotomy. Not sure that would work either. Ernest Hemingway took his life after having done this. I don't recommend it.

Courage! Dearest Comrades! Courage! And, Fortitude!

Pamalinsky wrote:

Captain Craptek wrote:

angle-electric-1506.jpg

Here is a more civilized, modern way to rid one's foot of an unwanted callous.

Hey, Captain Craptek!

Yeah! This brings back such fond memories of my own use of this device to grind the paint off a 100-year-old brick wall in a loft we were renovating in NOHO, NYC. You can't imagine the countless layers of paint after all that time: Egg-yolk yellow, Puke pink, Yuck! It was daunting. Yeah, that grinding sucker kicked some butt!

After all the paint was ground off, we sprayed the whole place white, starting the process all over again and bringing it into the 21st Century. I thought it would've been so much better just to leave it alone. But, that's just me. I hadn't become a Progressive yet.

Those were the good ol' days. (Sigh!)

p.s. True story!

Dearest Pami,

I may have been promoted to Captain, but I'm still Crap to you, my darling.

OOOOOOH! Captain! I am so proud of you! You deserve this promotion!

Ding! Ding! Ding! Happy! Happy! Happy!

Did I mention I had a pivotal role in "The Stepford Wives?" I played the one who called her husband, "Captain" under some, er, well, "duress."

Just kidding, of course!

Thanks for being my friend!

Congratulations!!!!!!!

While we're congratulating (and not running in fear from Evil Rethuglikkkan plots and the like), may I be among the first to congratulate Comrade Craptek on his new avatar?

Yes. Yes, in fact, I may.

Hey Crap!

I have one thing to mention about your avatar, dear Captain Craptek, I hope you don't mind, but, I feel compelled to tell you the absolute truth.

Every morning I am absolutely assaulted by squirrels from everywhere! All I want is a decent cup of coffee, but, not them! These squirrels want everything I can give. Everything! That includes salt-free peanuts, shelled peanuts, dried cranberries, dates, raisins and anything else they can get.

They actually crawl up on the screen to get my attention. And, they get it.

Last year, when fall hit, they disappeared like bees in summer. They were gone!

I almost took it personally until I realized they don't take it personally either.

Maybe I should take a lesson from this. Then again, maybe I shouldn't.

I love life, always have, always will!

That's just the kinda corny girl I am. Really, it's true.

Pami and ROCK,

Your kind words are appreciated here at the Craptek Mansion and Rodent Sanctuary. I too am blessed or cursed - as the case may be - with many friendly, playful tree rats. Each spring at about this time additional, newly created units begin descending a large silver maple in my back yard. I am a rodent fancier (some day I may explain why) and enjoy their antics. I must admit, though, training the new units is a daunting task - much as the training of new proles.