The Obama Administration announced today that the data center for Obamacare is nearly complete, amidst Teabagger claims that the database housing virtually all information known about every American citizen is insecure and will be prone to fraud and identity theft.
Obama spokesbarker Jay "Carney" Carney barked that, "There's nothing to
see worry about here, folks, your data is secure and safe in the hands of the federal government, especially with the IRS in charge."
Patient Navigators First Graduating Class, above
Carney also stressed that
"patient navigators" to be hired by the Department of Health and Human Services will be highly skilled professions, since they're liable to come from the ranks of Planned Parenthood, ACORN, and other outstanding examples of American professionalism, and that they, too, can be trusted to have every scrap of medical and other information about all Americans at their fingertips. Carney mentioned that, while they won't have criminal background checks done on them, and they aren't required to have a high school diploma, he's sure that all of our social security numbers, tax records, and medical records will be safe in their trusted hands.
"Obviously, President Obama would never entrust the nation's citizens' most personal information, which will all be localized in the new Federal Data Hub, to anyone other than
honest, upstanding community organizers like himself," stated HHS Secretary Kathleen Sibelius, as the press conference drew to a close.
