The People's Cube - Political Satire

Dear Comrades,

In searching for the most effective and compassionate way to ensure the perfect health and safety of all Citizens of the USSA, the Socialist Democratic Party has now developed a new fitness program based on ancient dialectal materialist concepts of the body interpreted through the principles of Marxist-Leninism.

This new system has been officially named “Bednyak Yoga” in honor of its Proletarian roots, mixing Eastern demi-metaphysics with correct social policy.

Three New York Oblast People's Senators recently gave a demonstration of one of the foundational practices of Bednyak Yoga, which is the chanting of the mantra, “Confiscate.”

It is believed that meditating on and chanting this word will release within workers and peasants their Inner Communist, repressed through generations of Bourgeois oppression and Imperialism.

This singular focus on the Mantra will help all citizens understand the Enlightened Path of Collectivism and Conformity to Party Dictates. It washes away all resistance and doubts, leaving the Proletarian mind refreshed and emptied of selfish concerns, such as the illusion of private property or individualized rights.

After chanting the Mantra “Confiscate,” citizens are thereby prepared to carry out their patriotic duties and fulfill their political obligations to the State. This includes agitation for politically correct legislation and the enforcement of laws through State Security Apparatuses. Such legislation and enforcement naturally leads to better health and safety for all citizens.

Citizens that are not politically developed enough to chant “Confiscate” are often given the Mantra “Regulate” to begin with to work their way up gradually to higher levels of enlightenment. The highest and most progressive of all the Mantras is “Reeducate,” which is reserved for senior Party members.

Loyal patriots are recommended to practice Bednyak Yoga through USDA-monitored dietary management (such as school lunches), ceremonial use of Medical Marijuana, regular viewing of American Media Collective indoctrination broadcasts, and several hours a day of chanting their assigned Mantra.

The way to perfect health and safety is through chanting “Confiscate”!
Socialist Bednyak Yoga will transform the Masses!

Faithfully submitted to the Collective of the People's Cube,
Comrade Nomenklatura-climber
Dialectical Progressivism Translator

Comrade Climber,

Let me be the first to acknowledge that, at least for rodents, chanting "acorn" has a most salutary and stimulating effect as well. Thanks for the advice, though.

I understand that chanting "O-BAH-MAH" also brings some form of "enlightenment" as well as safe passage through low-information thug mobs.

I think we can all agree that recent events demand that the Party look beyond the 'Obama Mantra' towards the more Trascendental Aspects of his adminitration as Party Chairman.

As a loyal prog in the Collectivist utopia of the Peoples Republic of New Tuesday, I am proud of Comrade Greenstein and her fellow partycrats.


Vile, hateful woman. I met her when I was running for borough council- in her arrogance she had to be corrected by my opponent. I really need to consider fleeing this progressive hell.

Viva la Revolucion!

Good thinking, Komrade Katz.

From this we can derive a more general law of Marxist dialectics:

Confiscation is to socialism what profit is to capitalism.

Comrade Director, we should all have this tattooed right above our Party-approved 'tramp stamp'.

Nomenklatura-climber wrote: It is believed that meditating on and chanting this word will release within workers and peasants their Inner Communist, repressed through generations of Bourgeois oppression and Imperialism.

For more on this, please consult

My Multiple Inner Comrades™ Syndrome

Nomenklatura-climber wrote:

Red Square wrote:

Confiscation is to socialism what profit is to capitalism.

Comrade Director, we should all have this tattooed right above our Party-approved 'tramp stamp'.

Since struggle for Progress has always been an asymmetrical warfare, I've always had trouble finding symmetrical equations. But this one seems to be it.

The trouble is, enemies of socialism can now start stealing all our progressive slogans, chants, and visual propaganda. All they need to do now is replace the word "profit" with "confiscation," and they've got a fighting slogan.

PEOPLE BEFORE CONFISCATIONS!

BUSINESS IS A NON-CONFISCATION ORGANIZATION!

And so on...

We've got all your progressive chakras right here!

Comrades
Is problem. Problem is Proletariat is still contorted with current yoga practice of autoendo proctanism, and cannot attempt this program due to being stuckin their own chutes. Is all they have these days. Da?

I'm having a little trouble getting my "oooooooooommm oooooooooooooommm oooooooooooooommm confiscate it all obaaaama" chant audible enough to reach
the eighth chakra - the pure essence of Obama? Any pointers?