5/17/2013, 4:52 am
Rumors are spreading that President Obama has lost faith in his current presidential spokesman Jay Carney and may soon replace him with Hans Schultz, a past military veteran with the rank of Sergeant and a purported master of dealing with delicate and potential embarrassing situations.
Whitehouse officials who spoke on the condition of anonymity, have told the Peoples Navy Daily that Mr. Carney just doesn't really have to the knack to deal with all the potential embarrassments and the distracting sideshows that have recently engulfed the administration. Officials have furthermore confirmed that secret auditions of potential replacement candidates have already been held and that Hans Schultz had by far exhibited the qualities that they are so desperately seeking right now.
What else do we know about him?
Leaked Still Photo of Hans Shultz During His Secret Whitehouse Audition
A former employer of Mr. Schultz and also a military veteran a retired Colonel Wilhelm Klink gave Schultz "good reviews" and told the Peoples Navy Daily that when confronted by pesky questions and evidence that had the potential of making him look bad that the former Sgt Schultz will simply look the other way, repeating, "I hear nothing, I see nothing, I know nothing!" and then would keep repeating it with force "I see nothing–I KNOW NOTHING!" Mr. Klink said this was invaluable in allowing him to continue to carry on with his work without worrying about meddlesome prying eyes further questioning it. Mr. Klink stated, "He has an outstanding understanding of how rapid-response operations work after mopping up for some of the stuff that we had really blown it on."
Officials did stress that a decision is not yet final to replace Mr. Carney but if it comes to that Mr. Schultz is by far the absolute perfect replacement as the new public face of this administration.
Leaked Snippet of Schultz's Audition Tape While Responding To The Current IRS Scandal
Whitehouse officials who spoke on the condition of anonymity, have told the Peoples Navy Daily that Mr. Carney just doesn't really have to the knack to deal with all the potential embarrassments and the distracting sideshows that have recently engulfed the administration. Officials have furthermore confirmed that secret auditions of potential replacement candidates have already been held and that Hans Schultz had by far exhibited the qualities that they are so desperately seeking right now.
What else do we know about him?
Leaked Still Photo of Hans Shultz During His Secret Whitehouse Audition
A former employer of Mr. Schultz and also a military veteran a retired Colonel Wilhelm Klink gave Schultz "good reviews" and told the Peoples Navy Daily that when confronted by pesky questions and evidence that had the potential of making him look bad that the former Sgt Schultz will simply look the other way, repeating, "I hear nothing, I see nothing, I know nothing!" and then would keep repeating it with force "I see nothing–I KNOW NOTHING!" Mr. Klink said this was invaluable in allowing him to continue to carry on with his work without worrying about meddlesome prying eyes further questioning it. Mr. Klink stated, "He has an outstanding understanding of how rapid-response operations work after mopping up for some of the stuff that we had really blown it on."
Officials did stress that a decision is not yet final to replace Mr. Carney but if it comes to that Mr. Schultz is by far the absolute perfect replacement as the new public face of this administration.
Leaked Snippet of Schultz's Audition Tape While Responding To The Current IRS Scandal
