5/30/2013, 6:49 pm
[img]/images/Weiner_Fluke_2016_Ticket_President.jpg[/img]
Scandals, am I right? The whole debacle where the Internal Redistribution Service did their job (in combating the enemy), our Glorious Government tapping the phones of… basically themselves, oh and who can forget the mess with that Ben Ghazi guy, you know the one, that person who repeatedly requested that the consulate place or something in somewhere could be sent reinforcements to aid in the peaceful neutralization of Islamists who for some reason or another want to hurt him because of some movie, but not because of some movie or anything, yes it in some way had to do with the movie, actually no it didn't, what movie? It was just some people out on a stroll who decided to atta- what? they had mortars? What difference does it make? But of course these scandals are terrible unfortunate in their own rights, and we will all benefit from the realization that these are all horrible misunderstandings perpetrated by EEEEeeeEEeevil Repubs.
But these scandals are not necessarily the ones I am going to discuss. Yes, it's that time again. Sexual scandals. With the rise of Anthony Weiner in the not-so-solid-yet polls, many have speculated who would be his erh- partner if… that's what he would do. It is at this time that I introduce, the Championed Sandra Fluke, yes, she's the one who demanded so prog-like in front of so many that others should pay for her commodities and by extension ‘services' she provided presumably to an entire community year-round.
Both of them make the perfect fit because they were involved in something which was once and still is a ‘downfall' for many; however, with their Democrat Protection Status™, they both managed to stay on top amidst all the controversy thrust on them, and in the case of Weiner, surprisingly he's ready to go again. Yes, this thing called sex can so powerfully bring a politician down, sometimes no matter what position they're already in. But this mysterious act can also bring rise to someone who's ready to take what's coming, and especially those who are quite knowledgeable on the subject. Surely everyone remembers when President Clinton was in a seemingly compromising position, in the end, it turned out to almost be a good thing entirely, as he was praised for being the vanguard of indifference throughout all the lying incomplete truths.
There is an irrecoverable fact hidden away in this. That these personal ‘scandals' have their magnitude based not on extremity of the act, nor even is it tied to the ever popular stupid-factor, but the perpetrator of the act themselves. Simply put, when such matters fall into the political realm, all that is needed to determine an outcome is the knowledge of which party loyalty is pledged to, and secondly how much free stuff the person is demanding in return for absolutely nothing.
Purveyors of All that is Good and Proggy™ are not susceptible to debasing and dismay over such sexual matters, rather, they are for lack of a better word excited when given the opportunity to enter the political world in such a fashion. In the case of Weiner, there was much embarrassment at his actions at first, but now that all the tension is gone and he's ‘subsided' he can rise strong once again since his endeavors have brought him back to the same place where he began. Imagine if the same thing happened to someone on the other side… actually don't, don't think of this at all.
This strange and seemingly uncanny double standard arises, and nobody gives another look. When Sandra sat on Congress' lap and requested they pay for her activities, she was hailed as the shining beacon of Progressive virtue, complete with a fish on a bicycle and everything. Both Sandra and Weiner opened themselves up to something which they both very well knew could damage their- nah, they were fine all along, she got a call from our Dear Leadyer literally for f**k's sake. While she was supposedly upholding ‘Reproductive Justice', (which is more accurately the right not to reproduce) Weiner was simply being a pervert, but they both were fighting for something that the government is supposed to have nothing do with… but at the same time is supposed to intrude into the bedroom if any reproductive rights are being violated. However, fear not, since we can all expect these two to act professionally, just as soon as they finish up. I believe that the share the same desires and goals, and so, they would be perfect as running mates.
And what about the real problem? What about money? Think about what she and (hopefully not) others could do with three grand. She could adopt a young seal who can't mate on the San Francisco docks because it's favorite spot is taken by a boat called the ‘Rough Rider', or she could buy Newsweek, or pay for some of the intimate gatherings for Weiner's campaign, or she could get a plate at one of our Dear Leadyer's fundraisers… just kidding that last one would take a lot more money, but what difference does it make? Our Future Workers in Skewls and Education Camps should be taught the Progressive virtues of Promiscuity, Perversion, and proper condom placement since they are all the children of us, the collective, so that they may one day become the bastions of liberation for the new society!
Comrade Sovremennyy,
Administrator of Modern Educational ‘Equipment'
Director of Shovel-ready Mass Graves
People's Director or other members of the Dept of Agitprop, as homage to Weiner's tradition, pictures would be greatly appreciated and/or denouncing, because of the sequester, our entire detachment has to share a collective monitor, and you can imagine how awkward that can be.
