6/6/2013, 3:31 pm
The Director of National Intelligence, Comrade James Clapper of the National Socialist Security Agency, has issued a clarification statement regarding its collecting of millions of phone records from throughout the USSA. Comrade Clapper has stated that the NSSA is collecting phone records as proof that the USSA's ‘War on Terror' has been a complete victory and that no terrorist phone calls have been intercepted by the NSSA.
When Comrade Party Chairman and Future President Barack Barackovich Obama declared the full cessation of hostilities in light of his declaration of the world's embrace of his Socialist Revolution, many reactionaries doubted that the world community would become more peaceful and that State security would improve.
However, under Comrade Obama's leadership as he prepares to enter his first term as President of the Socialist Republic in the 2014 elections, the War on Terror has ceased and peace has come to all corners of the globe. Using the Department of Revolutionary Defense's peaceful drone program, we have verified that countless thousands of terrorists have disappeared and no longer threaten the workers and peasants of America.
The collection of phone records is necessary to bear witness to the nay-sayers and counter-revolutionaries who believe that America is still under any kind of external threat. What a lie they tell! Our glorious People's Army, guided by the wisdom and courage of B. B. Obama, has brought us security from external threats. The phone records have proved that there are no threats and our security is assured.
Our only real concern, Comrades, is for the terrorists that lie within our borders who have temporarily escaped the watchful eye of our Department of Social Justice. With the help of state enterprises like Google and state agencies like the Internal Revenue Service, we will soon know the identities of all Capitalist wreckers and disloyal citizens who can then be isolated and re-educated.
Phone records prove the War on Terror is over!
Support the State's struggle to free us from the tyranny of Capitalism!
Faithfully submitted to the Collective of the People's Cube, Comrade Nomenklatura-climber
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