The People's Cube - Political Satire

Today's topic comes from The Daily Mail: Baby bust? National birthrate hits an all-time low due to weak economic recovery

This means, comrades, that American workers and peasants are holding off on their production of new labor force members until the full implementation of Socialism in America, since the uncertainties of the present quasi-capitalistic market are considered inappropriate for the development of Young Socialists.

In order to improve the USSA's breeding program, it is imperative that the People's Congress immediately pass the Immigration Reform Bill so that more fertile populations can help America replace its decreasing labor pool necessary to sustain the State's wealth redistribution plans. Mexico is particularly favored for this project, after replacing America as the most obese developed nation, so that obese immigrants can help the USSA regain its foremost standing.

Both infertility and weight loss are signs that the Proletariat of America are unhappy with Capitalism and the reactionary delusions of the Republicans. The constant oppression of the Bourgeoisie through their wealth hoarding and inflationary pricing must be stopped, or the State will be forced to import workers from even further abroad, like India or Malaysia.

Socialism has always been concerned with the equality of sexual partners, which increases activity and leads to increased pregnancy in some cases. Under the watchful eye of Party organs such as Planned Parenthood, women can be guided through the process of evaluating whether their child will be wanted as a true Socialist, or eliminated due to burdensome genetic conditions or lack of authorization.

We must also remember that women are not prepared for true parenthood until their political formation is completed in their mid- to late 30s, after they have completed high indoctrination and have established their loyalty to the State through participation in the labor force.

Counter-revolutionary agitators, most often Republicans and Libertarians, often agitate for women to not complete their political formation or to enter into oppressive arrangements such as early marriage and breeding, which leads to more non-permitted births that burden our State school systems by increasing teacher stress levels. This type of non-conformity must no longer be tolerated!

Therefore, the Socialist Democratic Party calls upon all Republicans to resign from the People's Congress and Senate for the sake of the children!

Socialism will bring back our fertility!
Collectivization will help us increase our baby quotas!

Faithfully submitted to the Collective of the People's Cube,
Comrade Nomenklatura-climber
Dialectical Progressivism Translator

I knew it!

Brought to you by Angry Babies for Change

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Stop capitalist parenting! Agitate for state custody!

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My parents are capitalist pigs! I demand to be raised by government bureaucrats!

Women: don't be punished with a baby!

The IRS says, "If you don't abort, we'll extort! More taxation for more foster homes!"

My prediction: some day very soon you commies will not only scorn abortion you'll make it a serious crime against the State. Socialism is an army of the State. You're going to find out what that means. Making babies for the State is going to be about the only approved use of your time.

Alcohol and sex. Paradise, an evening's escape from paradise.

Live it up!

The State Spoon Birth to Death

And little Nikkita is banging his sippy cup on the table, bellowing "We Will Diaper You!"

Comrades, let us stop and think for a moment. Is it not our liberal sisters who have the overwhelming majority of abortions? Aren't offspring more likely to vote the same as their parents? Our sisters have literally flushed millions of liberal voters down the drain! Why, we could have had the glorious world of Next Tuesday many years ago if not for this.

Capt. Commie wrote:Comrades, let us stop and think for a moment. Is it not our liberal sisters who have the overwhelming majority of abortions? Aren't offspring more likely to vote the same as their parents? Our sisters have literally flushed millions of liberal voters down the drain! Why, we could have had the glorious world of Next Tuesday many years ago if not for this.

Hence the need for immediate Immigration Reform, Comrade Captain!

Agitate for Equality of Parenthood! It's not fair that some children have a mother and a father, and others don't. Demand that parents be evenly distributed to all children. Down with Mother and Father and up with Parent 1 and Parent 2!

Brought to you by supporters of Gay Marriage!

Please desist Comrade Commissar of G E. Lest the rocks that students at Georgetown and other Jesuit universities crawled out from under lodge complaints of discrimination.

Comrade Pistov, I don't understand the reason for your suggestion for me to desist. Please elaborate.

I could be wrong, Comrade Commissar, but I suspect that Comrade Pistov refers to the People's rocks, which, of course, are non-discriminatingly and tolerantly poised to hurl themselves at you for your intolerant use of "1" and "2" - wherein, "1" obviously comes first, before "2" - which is dramatically and intolerantly non-equal.

Life is breathing hard into the People's Cube's neck. Friendly and guilt-free alternatives to mothers now offered by colleges. The below picture is of an advertisement for Monroe College in a New York City subway car:
It says:

If you miss class, she calls.
Need an ear? She'll listen.
Fall behind? She'll help.

She is like your mom...
Without all the guilt.