The People's Cube - Political Satire

Dateline Hollywood -

In a carefully worded press release today in Hollywood, California, space aliens admitted that they abducted several Hollywood celebrities on January 21st of this year.

Among the missing are the following, whose only appearances in public since January 21 have apparently been holograms:

Sheryl Crow, Bruce Springsteen, Martin Sheen, Ed Asner, Sean Penn, Tim Robbins, George Clooney, Jackson Browne, Janeane Garofalo, Neil Young, Jessica Lange, Barbra Streisand, Danny Glover, and Susan Sarandon.

While many have wondered during the last several days why there has been no outcry of anti-war sentiment from these previously very vocal crusaders for peace, the truth is now known. The space aliens declined to address whether some or all of the kidnapped stars had been anally probed, and they stated that they wouldn't be letting them go for quite some time.

"At least now we know now why our brave brothers and sisters for peace have been silent during this wag the dog Syrian crisis", stated a member of the press who attend the briefing.

Neil Young's publicist, who was also present, stated that there is no truth to the rumor that Neil is working on a song including the lyrics "four dead in Benghazi":

"First of all, it just doesn't have that Kent State cadence that Neil's earlier song did, and what difference, at this point, does it make anyway? Besides, we haven't seen the real Neil since January, and holograms pretty much suck at acoustic guitar."

Which ones are the space aliens? -- the ones in ROCK's photo, or the ones in Chairman Meow's photo?

Normally most people would have been suspicious of the alien made holograms right off because all the holograms said was: "Aak! Aak! Aak!" But, we're talking Hollywood.

Myself, I'm just glad to see all the so-called "scandals" disappear from the media radar (such as it was). Dear Leader has More Important Things to do than deal with phony scandals. Like workplace violence in Syria, for example.

We may be on to who's stirring up trouble...

The usual suspects...

R.O.C.K. in the USSA wrote:

SpaceAliens.jpg

Dateline Hollywood -

In a carefully worded press release today in Hollywood, California, space aliens admitted that they abducted several Hollywood celebrities on January 21st of this year.

Can they keep them?



Oh no! Without luminaries such as Susan Sarandon and Matt Damon how am I going to form my political opinions?!?!? I can only watch so much of Comrades Tingles and Maddow!

I've heard that all the male kidnapees were given a gift. True?

Comrade Dedhedvedev
Those items will be of no use to them without first supplying magnifying glasses so they can find their anatomical deficiencies.

Almost simultaneously, BuzzFeed posted a very similar story:

14 Principled Anti-War Celebrities We Fear May Have Been KidnappedOur government is yet again marching us towards a war of choice in the Middle East and our non-partisan, peace-loving celebrities have gone missing since late 2008. We fear the worst.

1. SHERYL CROW
LAST KNOWN PRE-2009 COMMUNICATION:
"I think war is based in greed and there are huge karmic retributions that will follow. I think war is never the answer to solving any problems. The best way to solve problems is to not have enemies."
— Sheryl Crow

2. BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN
LAST KNOWN PRE-2009 COMMUNICATION:
"War. What is it good for? Absolutely nothing."
— Bruce Springsteen

3. MARTIN SHEEN
LAST KNOWN PRE-2009 COMMUNICATION:
"But I am equally against the death penalty or war — anywhere people are sacrificed for some end justifying a means."
— Martin Sheen

4. ED ASNER
LAST KNOWN PRE-2009 COMMUNICATION:
"I also think that there is a strong streak of racism, and whenever we engage in foreign adventures. Our whole history in regime change has been of people of different color."
— Ed Asner

5. SEAN PENN
LAST KNOWN PRE-2009 COMMUNICATION:
"I think we're past that point in human evolution where there's such a thing as winning wars."
— Sean Penn

6. TIM ROBBINS
LAST KNOWN PRE-2009 COMMUNICATION:
"It is very inspiring and amusing how many people have come out in this genuine and spontaneous way to embrace peace and reject war. It reminds us there is a human and gentle spirit out there in this world."
— Tim Robbins

7. GEORGE CLOONEY
LAST KNOWN PRE-2009 COMMUNICATION:
"You can't beat your enemy anymore through wars; instead you create an entire generation of people revenge-seeking."
— George Clooney

8. JACKSON BROWNE
LAST KNOWN PRE-2009 COMMUNICATION:
"American people always have to be tricked into going to war, they always have to be cajoled. I mean, there's a long history of being lied to, of having things described in a particular way, in order to get them out of their sort of isolationist… prosperity mode and go to war."
— Jackson Brown

9. JANEANE GAROFALO
LAST KNOWN PRE-2009 COMMUNICATION:
"War is failure! When you are at war, you have failed!"
— Janeane Garofalo

10. NEIL YOUNG
LAST KNOWN PRE-2009 COMMUNICATION:
"I don't like war. I particularly don't like the celebration of war."
— Neil Young

11. JESSICA LANGE
LAST KNOWN PRE-2009 COMMUNICATION:
"Let's talk for a minute about these masters of war, these same men that are sending our sons and our daughters, our brothers and sisters, our mothers and fathers to fight an undeclared and unconstitutional and unwinnable war for them."
— Jessica Lange

12. BARBRA STREISAND
LAST KNOWN PRE-2009 COMMUNICATION:
"You know, really good artists have a way of being relevant in their time — but great artists are relevant at any time. So, in the words of William Shakespeare, 'Beware the leader who bangs the drums of war in order to whip the citizenry into a patriotic fervor."
— Barbra Streisand

13. DANNY GLOVER
LAST KNOWN PRE-2009 COMMUNICATION:
"The world has come together and said 'no' to this war – and we must stand with them."
— Danny Glover

14. SUSAN SARANDON
LAST KNOWN PRE-2009 COMMUNICATION:
"Let us resist this war. Let us hate war in all its forms, whether the weapon used is a missile or an airplane."
— Susan Sarandon

The only explanation for their continued silence must be a large, organized kidnapping. To whoever is responsible for their disappearance, please post pictures of them holding a recent newspaper so we know they're okay.

Yours in peace,
America

Red Square wrote:Almost simultaneously, BuzzFeed posted a very similar story:

Indeed, Comrade People's Director - and in an amazing coincidence which I can only assume is, in fact, cosmic in nature, the link in the space alien story also goes to the Buzzfeed article!

These Buzzfeeders, however, were obviously not present at the space alien press conference or they would have known WHY these glorious celebrities are missing.

Yet again, The People's Cube is first in the news, and first in the hearts of progressives everywhere!

Progressive Politburo Member Square!
That is quite a long list of AWOL Collective Revolutionary Celebutards!
It is no wonder why the People's airwaves have been so silent from the traditional ravings of anti-war! This is a good thing Comrade Red! It only proves Great Leader can transform war into a good thing so NO ONE will oppose it! Long live Great Leader!
Study and learn from His Little Red ObamaCare Guide! There will be a test next Tuesday! All will pass successfully I am sure!
Che' Ramie OUT

https://www.newsmax.com/Newsfront/asner-hollywood-syria-obama/2013/09/08/id/524400

I fear the worst for Comrade Ed.

It is looking like he has been kidnapped by extremists instead of aliens. See the false story at the extremist website for proof. He is likely being water boarded as we speak and will never see the light of day again!!

State Funeral with full honors for Comrade Edovich Asner!!!

Liquidate non-person Ed Asner with extreme prejudice. Memory hole his existence. No sanctioned media to cover his blasphemous outburst.

"She", Comrade. Laika is a "she". And "her".

*Shakes head progressively*

I stand corrected Comrade!
I have self-denounced myself & fall on my knees in front of The Party Central Politburo & beg for the opportunity for re-education. The offending pro-nouns have been politically corrected!
Shamed, Che'Ramie

Once again, Comrade "ROCK the Persnickety" - minder of words - has instigated a ruckus. bager, bager, BAGER! - take THAT!!

Comrade Captain, my Comrade Captain!
I willingly accept criticism of any politically in-correct pro-noun usage in my postings!
I bend to the will of a Senior Member of the State Politburo!
After all Captain..I wish to keep my job as Politruk with the People's Cube Liberation Army! Every correction of bourgeois language must be immediately embraced if I'm to achieve total Marxist-Leninist thought!

You are wise to do so, Comrade Che'...

Comrade Squirrel, it is important to be aware that Laika is a womyn dog, and therefore more equal than if she had been a man dog.

Comrade Che', your beet rations have been restored.

Many Marxist-Leninist thanks to you Comrade R.O.C.K.!
I accept that The Party is the source of all nourishment & eagerly await my Beet rations to arrive in the usual timely fashion of 6-8 weeks!

See how easy that was Comrade Che'? Merely accede to your tenured equals and the world will be yours - eventually.


Comrade ROCK,

The words she and her contain the masculine indicator "he." I believe Party Directive 445a-88 labels this term "sexist" in nature and therefore off limits for Progs in Training™. Am I correct in this assumption?

Comrade Squirrel,
This is, indeed, Current Truth™, but the Party is still working on suitable replacements for these words for the use of young progs.

I would recommend Party Document 1138.27.839a, paragraphs C and D - sooner or later, the replacements will show up there.

Say, by the way - do you have any Windex I might borrow? This side of the Cone of Silence is a bit cloudy of late.

R.O.C.K. in the USSA wrote:"She", Comrade. Laika is a "she". And "her".

*Shakes head progressively*

Yes, we do not talk about the time when Laika the Space Dog was known as Bradley Manning the Space Dog.

R.O.C.K. in the USSA wrote:Comrade Squirrel,

The attachment ConeOfSilenceSquirrel.PNG is no longer available

This is, indeed, Current Truth™, but the Party is still working on suitable replacements for these words for the use of young progs.

I would recommend Party Document 1138.27.839a, paragraphs C and D - sooner or later, the replacements will show up there.

Say, by the way - do you have any Windex I might borrow? This side of the Cone of Silence is a bit cloudy of late.

Yes, comrade. It looks like your side may be filling with reverb fog. I had a hell of a time getting my side clear again after you left.

Theres a whole jar of something on the shelf, It may be Ivan, but he's a good sport about sharing.

How the Hell did I get dragged into this thread? I was just over in the corner trying to enjoy a nice soy latte and a week-old issue of the Village Voice, and suddenly Tovarichi is waving my jar around the room, shouting, "CHUG! CHUG! CHUG!"

Comrade Brain in the jug, enjoy the beverages... R.O.C.K. needed a product to clean his glass, and I merely referred him to you, in admiration of how your (handler? Caretaker? Undocumented housekeeper?) glass-cleaning person excels in keeping your view on the world all sparkly crystal clear. Being a "thoughtful" comrade (see what I did there?) you might have, but not be suspended in some leftover cleaning solvent that might be available for improvement of the collective. Eagerly awaiting your next Washington Post article!

What is that "giant sucking sound" I hear?

Captain Craptek wrote:What is that "giant sucking sound" I hear?

I believe that is the sound of the vacuum left in the wake of 2 million bikers heading to DC, Comrade! :)

R.O.C.K. in the USSA wrote:Comrade Squirrel, it is important to be aware that Laika is a womyn dog, and therefore more equal than if she had been a man dog.

Comrade Che', your beet rations have been restored.

Was Laika made womyn dog by removal of man parts? If so she is even more equal than most equal womyn.

The Soviet Trumpeter partakes in the tryouts. Who cares if it's for something or against? He just wants to be loved by hot Western babes...



Bright the shine in my horn exiled and forlorn, a damp night in Berlin yes
Soaked in alcohol I walk up to a doll and say "how you look good"

Rejection follows me around like a dagger in my back, I tell you man it hurts
I've come here to express myself 'cause I'm tired of these chains
I'm tired of the strains, walking 'cross the plains take me in you arms

Fire red, the Stage I tread
Elevate me celebrate me
Extroverted but full of fear
The soviet Trumpeter

To make them dance as fairies oh to make them sing along
So close to fever pitch and oh so close to happiness
I'm tempted by their flesh oh I am tempted by their stare, I don't think I dare
'cause I am such a communist and I'm breaking down inside
Though the world is open wide I'm drowning in it's tide take me in your arms

Fire red, the Ground I tread
Elevate me celebrate me
Extroverted but full of fear
The soviet Trumpeter

Soviet Trumpeter (The Making Of)

Red Square,

That's beautiful, and I'm an old, case-hardened progressive. Why does it make me want to burst into tears? Is it Jiffy-Lobo™ time again? Damn.