The People's Cube - Political Satire

John Kerry Promises ‘Unbelievably Small' Action in Syria


And then there's the new line of Obama Dominoes that can be set up in strategically calculated lines from Syria to Iran and beyond. Strike the first domino in Syria with an unbelievably small stick and the Obama Dominoes will fall one after the other all over the toes of middle-eastern badmen and cause them to mend their ways leading inevitably to peace and Iran abandoning its nuclear ambitions.

Unbelievably small! No one will notice! It won't hurt a bit!

Hey, maybe if we offered some free stuff to Iran if they don't use their nukes? You know how some public schools offer kids free ice cream and pizza parties just for getting a C average? Or how the schools offer other free stuff if kids just show up for so many consecutive days? Or they tell them they don't have to take the final exam if they have perfect attendance? That's what we need to do with Syria and Iran. Go for nine weeks without gassing anyone or nuking anyone, and we'll give everyone a free cell phone. Or a free iPad. Or we can tell them they don't have to let U.N. inspectors come in to check out their arsenals.

I think it would work! If you don't believe me, then just give me something for free if I can refrain from whacking you with my shovel for the next 10 minutes.

Of course, you'll have to keep giving me a freebie every 10 minutes after that, but surely you'll agree it's an unbelievably small sacrifice to make if you mean to send me a strong message.

This just in from USA Today:

A second senior official, who has seen the most recent planning, offered this metaphor to describe such a strike: If Assad is eating Cheerios, we're going to take away his spoon and give him a fork. Will that degrade his ability to eat Cheerios? Yes. Will it deter him? Maybe. But he'll still be able to eat Cheerios.

I do not understand this. Do Cheerios not pile up nicely on fork tines? Then one can drink milk from bowl (if food distribution center has any milk this week) ... and finally one can stab enemy with fork.

I know Dear Leader has excellent plan for this fork and these Cheerios. Can someone please explain to me?

RedDiaperette wrote:This just in from USA Today:

A second senior official, who has seen the most recent planning, offered this metaphor to describe such a strike: If Assad is eating Cheerios, we're going to take away his spoon and give him a fork. Will that degrade his ability to eat Cheerios? Yes. Will it deter him? Maybe. But he'll still be able to eat Cheerios.

I do not understand this. Do Cheerios not pile up nicely on fork tines? Then one can drink milk from bowl (if food distribution center has any milk this week) ... and finally one can stab enemy with fork.

I know Dear Leader has excellent plan for this fork and these Cheerios. Can someone please explain to me?

You trouble yourself with too much substance, comrade!

All that matters is that Assad get the proverbial "Fork You!!" intended.

Our adolescent approach to geo-politics will be readily apparent to bad guys the world over. They will know how seriously insane we are!!

I mean, have you seen our state department spokesperson? She's a twenty-something airhead wearing fake rims in an effort to pick up IQ points.

Nothing says "don't mess with us because we're freaking crazy" like the way we've handled the Syria question or governing in general.

I think it would work! If you don't believe me, then just give me something for
free if I can refrain from whacking you with my shovel for the next 10 minutes.

Well now, Pinkie, I got something I'll give you for free (wink-wink, nudge-nudge, say-no-more!)
[Shovel strike in five...
four...
thr....
ouch.]

So, what Comrade John is saying is he'll only stick it in just a little, that's all, and if we don't like it, he'll pull out? Does he think Assad is a drunk sorority girl?

Perhaps King Obameron should send in his loyal sprite Puck to play annoying tricks, like putting a flaming bag of Bo poop on Assad's front porch, ringing the door bell and then flying away. Or would that be too much in a small-small world?

Now Dear Leader has announced that "The U.S. does not do pinpricks." Only what remains after pulling the pin, apparently.

Chairman Meow wrote:

vice-president-joe-biden.jpg

Biden: My penis is this big.