An unprecedented slashing of government budgets imposed by the recent sequestering of funds may be having unexpected impacts on life at the White House.
An obscure report by George Condon, dated September 2013, outlines a series of unfortunate events deep in the White House basement press offices. Within these damp and poorly lit spaces a veritable army of rodents and cockroaches scamper to and fro over flood soaked carpets. Spiders, ants, and gigantic mushrooms sprouting from walls and ceilings greet fearful reporters on a daily basis, and the entire area is said to reek of mold and the rotting corpses of dead vermin.
One tale of horror was recently reported by Martha Joynt Kumar, professor of political science at Towson University. Kumar, who has worked out of the press offices studying the president-press relationship for almost four decades, spied a monstrous cockroach attempting to carry off an unsuspecting female intern. “STOP!” she screamed, startling the struggling beast. The bug briefly glowered up at Kumar, dropped the intern, and disappeared behind a row of filing cabinets.
"It was the size of a small drone," sobbed Kumar, obviously in a state of shock. “Where is the GSA? Where is The Department of the Interior when you need them?” White House personnel and a few intrepid reporters searched for over an hour, finding nothing but a few large cockroach droppings and partially eaten hotdog rolls. The creature was gone.
The question now is one of responsibility. Specifically, which government department is responsible for finding and capturing the creature that is hiding somewhere in the White House basement? The Department of the Interior claims the bug entered through a crack in the building's 213 year old foundation. Therefore, it is now a ward of the General Services Administration, the GSA. The GSA notes that the roach was formerly roaming the White House grounds, and is therefore a wild animal to be controlled by the Department of the Interior.
At a press conference last week, President Obama told reporters he will make a decision on which governmental agency is to be held responsible soon after congress returns from its Christmas break.
9/16/2013, 7:45 am
Dedhedvedev
Uh-oh...expect more tingles up more legs.
9/16/2013, 8:55 am
R.O.C.K. in the USSA
Captain Craptek wrote:An obscure report by George Condon dated September 2013, outlines a series of unfortunate events deep in the White House basement press offices. Within these damp and poorly lit spaces a veritable army of rodents and cockroaches scamper to and fro over flood soaked carpets.
Are you sure George Condon wasn't referring to the WH Press Corps?
9/16/2013, 10:22 am
Che' Ramie
9/16/2013, 1:03 pm
RedDiaperette
Captain Craptek wrote: White House personnel and a few intrepid reporters searched for over an hour, finding nothing but a few large cockroach droppings and partially eaten hotdog rolls. The creature was gone.
Uh-oh, we are knowing who is going to basement to eat hot dogs, no?
9/16/2013, 1:06 pm
Captain Craptek
Che' Ramie wrote:
robot_cockroach.jpg
Yes comrade. And Comrade Kook provided us a link to the flying variety in an earlier post.
9/16/2013, 1:28 pm
Che' Ramie
The Capitol Capitalists will stoop to new lows to ferret State Secrets from Great Leader & his loyal Politburo! Imagine..having to resort to robotic insectoids to infiltrate the Sacred Chambers of Great Leader!! Is there no limit to what these sub-humans will do??
9/16/2013, 6:48 pm
Iosef
Dear Leader is skilled with roaches.
9/16/2013, 6:58 pm
Che' Ramie
Iosef wrote:
obama-smoking-pot.jpg
Dear Leader is skilled with roaches.
YES! Dear Leader will "burn" them like he has many, many mind-blowing doobies! And yes Beloved Comrades...Magnanimous Leader DID inhale!
