The People's Cube - Political Satire

Dateline Abovetexas City, AT -

With the current controversy surrounding the name of the Washington Redskins, the state of Oklahoma announced today that it will be proactively changing its name to Abovetexas.

"Many people don't realize that "Oklahoma" is actually Choctaw for "Land of the Red People," stated official Native American representative Juan Pendejo, a white Hispanic person of Native American heritage, who is, incidentally, a cousin of United States Senator Elizabeth Warren.

Mr. Pendejo elaborated, "It's time that we as Americans, regardless of our particular hyphenations, stop insulting people of other races, creeds, and religions - except, of course, for Judaism and Christianity, which, hey, we all know suck."

The state of Texas did not return our calls, but rumor has it that their initial response was that "Nothing is above Texas."

Texas must be wary of its Texas Scissor Tail symbol. This nasty bird is a Tyrannidae, which is a member of the tyrant flycatcher family. There is but ONE tyrant here, people - and we know who that is, don't we?

A brilliant idea from the State of Abovetexas! The fundamental transformation must continue in states like Michigan, where just about every burg, stream and lake has a native-american designation. All must be re-designated, preferably with monikers connoting the arrival of Next Tuesday™, like Distributown, and the CryMea River .... Which also brings us to this "Washington" thing. Unless this refers to Booker T., all such names referring to old-dead-white-slaveowning-1%-ers must be changed.

And about those rumors that Alaska is bigger than Texas - I DENOUNCE SUCH LIES!!

Nothing is above TEXAS and no body ever moved to the previously known state of Oklahoma -- travelers from the east, heading to TEXAS, lost wagon wheels in the providence of previous OK and could go no further! That is the only reason their are residence in previously state of OK.. OK?! There is nothing there but future Texans. (spit spit.. who cares!!?)

And we mustn't forget about Connecticut and their homage to that outdated hindrance, the Constitution.

Comrades, we certainly do have our work cut out for us.

FORWARD!

Don't forget Utah, named after the Utes. They are highly offended by a state being named after them.

<prog off>
incidentally, the University of Utah went through the same thing as WSU a few years ago. A friend of mine had his dad, from the Ute tribe, sitting on the council that was looking to change the U of U's mascot because it might be offensive to Native Americans.

His response to the council was this:
"I'm sick of white people telling me what offends me."

The mascot is still the Ute.

Not to mention Louisiana..politically incorrect for SOOOO many reasons!

• First, it's named after a French King & Queen *spew* *spew*! Didn't the French overthrow their King, re.Guillotine-o-Matic & Reign of Terror TM?

• Next, this hot sauce state advocates the killing of poor helpless animals (even though they taste delicious!)

• Then "pro-life"?? I need not say any further!

• I'll close with "the Saints"? Gumbo-Land has a professional football team named after "holy men"! Hmmm..Opiate of the Masses?

I could go on an on an on an on about this counter-revolutionary Cajun infested swampland! This place should be re-named Loser-ana! Oh I've forgotten the most important reason.

Cajuns are nick-named "Coon-Asses"! Disgusting! My denouncement evidence is posted below..

Comrade Che', there is absolutely nothing wrong with France.

From France we received the enlightenment.

The French stormed the Bastille and killed the Rethuglikkkans there who were holding innocent Democrats hostage.

French fries, Comrade. French fries.

Congratulations, Comrade R.O.C.K. in the USSA - you have made many wonderful posts, but I think this is the first one that made the Mother Page.

BEET VODKA FOR ALL! IT'S ON THE HOUSE AND ON THE SENATE!

Clicking now to view the post there! Zivali to Comrade ROCK (as I gulp down my beet vodka)!

Comrades, I can happily report to you that here in Oregon we achieved communist perfection beginning in 1974. Even before that time, Orygun was famous for it's Red Salmon and Pink Trout.

Absolutely no one dares even think about offending anybody or anything that has been assigned Political Perfection.

Capitalists have been prevented from any and all profit on any business scheme for almost 40 years.


Afterthought- There is really no reason why this state shouldn't be renamed as North California.

Thank you Comrade People's Director! I do it all for the Party!

I'd like to take a moment to thank my parental units, as well as Karl Marx, comrades Lenin and Stalin, and of course Dear Leader Comrade President Barackzebub Husseinovich Obama, without whose guidance and inspiration none of this would have been possible.

*opens another bottle*

R.O.C.K. in the USSA wrote:Thank you Comrade People's Director! I do it all for the Party!

I'd like to take a moment to thank my parental units, as well as Karl Marx, comrades Lenin and Stalin, and of course Dear Leader Comrade President Barackzebub Husseinovich Obama, without whose guidance and inspiration none of this would have been possible.

*opens another bottle*

Here, Comrade ROCK. Let me pour that for you. Chilled glass?

Comrade ROCK,

A most worthy achievement and congratulations on your receiving accolades from our most glorious People's director to move your reporting to the front page! The People's Navy galley has issued you an extra ration coupon to use at your leisure for a fine dining experience that can only be had at the galley. Remember on Next Tuesday's it's always fish night.

Rock, hurry up and do something clever again soon, I need the vodka...

I remember when that table cloth beneath that sumptuous fish platter was white.
Well, at least it was until our dear Frau passed out from one too many revolutionary toasts and spilled her beet juice clear across the table.

But it's just a "construct" you know. Living in a "Normal State" is simply prohibited as a geographic area and mentality. We just need a few new internal borders and designations, like combining Wisconsin and Minnesota to form Neverneverland. Californicacia west of the Sierras should really be called Perversia. Here in Slackoffia, nobody notices or cares. The quality of life here has always been determined by where you went to high school and continues to be the dominant factor of existence until one's last breath is drawn and expelled. The only major change in the last half century is which form of miscreants your current student bodies elect as homecoming queen, Queen, or P C titles of Next Tuesday so long as Straight White Christians are excluded. Sieg Hurl!

Why - Oh Why - Cannot Our Beloved Obammunist Master simply OUTLAW ANY Non-Obammunist Thought? We would All Fare So Much Better Under Total Obammunism!

R.O.C.K. in the USSA wrote:

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Comrades, we certainly do have our work cut out for us.

FORWARD!

Yes, indeed, Comrade R.O.C.K.! I have updated New Jersey's plate for the Greater Good™.

Here is an example of a good idea upon which The Party™ has improved: I love the sentiment of "enchantment;" it's so evocative of New Mexico's natural wonders. But, if you tweak the text just a bit, you get a much more progressive and correct message: