The People's Cube - Political Satire

The Day One dizzying success of Obamacare has inspired several industries in the private sector to similar heights of achievement. “The private sector is always languishing behind the government,” said Jay Carney in a White House press release earlier today, “especially in terms of technology and efficiency. It is hoped that by our showing the world that success is achievable, others would be inspired to do as well."

Indeed, with the government to lead the way, private sector businesses, and even other governments, are beginning to think they could succeed, too. Consider some of the Obamacare inspired success stories of today:

Last week, Ford rolled out its Pinto II. Always on the cutting edge of green energy, the Pinto II boasts the new Internal Eco Drive, or IED powered engine. Selling like hotcakes, 8,327 Pinto IIs rode off the lot in the last seven days, and dozens of them carried their satisfied owners home without exploding. “We believe 48 of our new cars may have made it home safely, and there are reports of two or three more in another country that did the same. We're just so grateful that our president showed us what's possible,” said a Ford spokesman

In other news, Microsoft released its new SacreBleu! operating system. “We've had some bugs and glitches with the system initially,” said Microsoft on their website, “but just like ObamaCare, we're seeing amazing success. Some of our customers, only 99.98%, reported system crashes and total data loss, but one man in Maryland said his computer is working just fine after installation. We're waiting to hear what happens when he attempts to go online or actually install a program.”


Even our old Cold War foe, Russia, is taking its lead from the Obama adminisration and is revamping its fleet of attack submarines with a program called AkulaCare.

At a christening ceremony for a new Akula II, Vladimir Putin complimented his American counterpart for once again showing the world what was possible. “We would have never imagined what we could do with our new line of submarines,” said a shirtless Putin posing with a slingshot next to a sedated rhinoceros, “until we saw how ObamaCare met and exceeded all expectations. Then we realized we could perhaps do as well.” Prime Minister Dmitry Medvedev was tragically killed when moments later the bow of the Akula II he christened exploded after being struck with a champagne bottle. However, one Akula II sold to India has not yet sunk, and observers are eagerly awaiting the results of its first dive.

“As I'm fond of saying,” said a justifiably proud President Obama, “you didn't build that; somebody else made that happen. It just goes to show once again how if government succeeds like it has with my signature health care plan, everybody's a winner.”

Duh. He is of course, the worlds biggest best bullshitter salesman.

Perhaps GM (A subsidiary of the DNC) will re-release the Pacer and/or the Gremlin!
One can only hope (and change)

I know that my business has been trying to emulate the DMV for years but we can't seem to get it right. Should I also unionizing with the Teamsters as the final key to success???

Proletarian Robot wrote:I know that my business has been trying to emulate the DMV for years but we can't seem to get it right. Should I also unionizing with the Teamsters as the final key to success???

Probably SEIU would be safest bet. You do not even have to be government employee to join now. All you need is some link to government. And SEIU will determine link. Sometimes breathing is sufficient.

Once again, I am indebted to Your Equalness for the upgrades.

Excellent reportage, Comrade Blogunov! I can't wait to test drive the new Pinto II.

Rumor has it that our friends at MySpace are about to roll out a new social media site called "PrySpace." Subscribers to PrySpace, touted as our newest thoughtcrime monitors, will be able to alert The Party, instantly, when they find that their neighbors, friends, and family members are engaging in counter-Revolutionary activities.

This gives me great motivation to bring my best idea yet to market - castor oil truffles on a stick! I'll have CGI build my website too.....

Ahhh, yes Comrade Blogunov. "Snitcher" is what The People are dying for and it's about time that the bourgeois anachronism called "Twitter" was upgraded (i.e., purged).

I am, however, somewhat concerned about the launch date. Nov. 1 is less than a week away. Have our top cyber-scientists installed the proper firewalls to make it impervious to fascist hackers? We must spare no expense (read: other people's money) to prevent the saboteurs, who closed down the ObamaCare website, to attack "Snitcher."

Dr. W. S. Palimpsest wrote:Ahhh, yes Comrade Blogunov. "Snitcher" is what The People are dying for and it's about time that the bourgeois anachronism called "Twitter" was upgraded (i.e., purged).

I am, however, somewhat concerned about the launch date. Nov. 1 is less than a week away. Have our top cyber-scientists installed the proper firewalls to make it impervious to fascist hackers? We must spare no expense (read: other people's money) to prevent the saboteurs, who closed down the ObamaCare website, to attack "Snitcher."

Comrade Dr.,

It occurs to me that hacking Dear Leader's personal gift to The People™ could result in mass destruction of The People's™ property due to rioting in the streets. Worse still, many are going to die from want of medical attention! I wonder if hacking Healthcare.gov will be charged as a capital crime?