The People's Cube - Political Satire

Dateline Washington DC -

The Team Leader of the new Obamacare Tech Surge Team told journalists today that, once they've got that pesky login thingie fixed they'll be moving on to working on the guts of the Obamacare ACA healthcare.gov website pictured above.

"Yeah, it's gonna take a while to fix the login page," stated Billy "GeekBro" Sebelius, leader of the new programming team and, incidentally, 2nd cousin of Health and Human Services Secretary Kathleen Sebelius, "and we can't really give you an ETA on when the login will be fixed, but we're pumped, d00d!"

Sebelius went on to explain that there are bound to be further glitches as the remaining 1,284 webpages are implemented, but he assured everyone that his team was way ready to dive into the code and start slinging HTML and Java Script, as well as as some PHP and ASP.NET.

"Hey, code is code, d00d," said Sebelius with a wink, "and we're on it!"

Meanwhile, at least 20 people nationwide are now confirmed to have successfully both signed up AND logged in to healthcare.gov, and while the website may be on and offline sporadically for the foreseeable future, there's reassurance in the fact that the IRS is ready to go with fines for those who have been influenced in any way by Teabaggers and not signed up by January 1, 2014, or maybe sometime later.

That looks really inexpensive and affordable!

Why don't they just sell it on Craigslist?

Way, way back in ancient times the Dems laughed and chuckled over Reagan's Star Wars proposal. They scoffed at the million lines of code that might be necessary for its implementation, and how the completed and integrated system could never be tested till the day it was activated. By then it would be too late to change anything and we'd just have to watch and hope it worked as planned.

Today I heard a few estimates suggesting 2 to 4 million lines of unproven code may need re-writing to get Obamacare off the ground. Oh, the sweet irony of it all-

You know what I don't get? See, they've got to sign up all these young healthy people in order to make this thing work because those premiums of the young and healthy will fund the older generation but at the same time those young people don't need to buy insurance because up to age 26 you're on your parent's insurance. Why would they buy ObamaCare anyway? I'm just not getting this.

Comrade Margaret, I have it on the authority of someone's friend who is a close friend of somebody who once knew a relative of Billy "GeekBro" Sebelius's girlfriend that, once they've gotten those 1,284 other pages up and running, the Tech Surge Team intends to jump right in and create some new Q & A pages for questions just like yours!

Remember - they have to build it so that we can find out what's in it!

And Comrade Squirrel, those millions of lines of code - I heard 5 million, btw - aren't really that big of a deal if you use Common Core Math, which reduces them to about 556 lines total.

I like how I can purchase literally any plan with my premium capped at 2.5% of my income, rest is subsidized by government money tree. Silver plan with $1,500.00 monthly premium? I only pay 2.5% of my income. Platinum plan with $5,000.00 premium? I only pay 2.5% of my income. Thanks you Obama!! Thanks yous evil insurance companies! Thank you government money tree!

PSSSST - Comrade INGSOC - don't tell anybody I told you, because this isn't ready for the People's consumption yet, but after it all goes to hell in a basket Single Payer™ is going to REALLY save the day! Premiums will be cheaper, because our benevolent government will finally completely eliminate the capitalist insurance companies, which were the cause of all the problems in the first place. With Single Payer™ our money will only go to the government itself, where an entire bureaucracy of dedicated civil servants in Washington DC, directly under the president's control, will make sure that there is no waste and that all are cared for.

For details, please see "Shakedown Socialism", written by our very own People's Director.

It's a glorious future that awaits us!

umm, this is looking like Pin the Tail On The Jackass, Chess Style. I hope the instructions are available online.

Fraulein Frankenfeinstein wrote:umm, this is looking like Pin the Tail On The Jackass, Chess Style. I hope the instructions are available online.

Comrade Fraulein, indeed they are, but the website is down at the moment.

But one must surely admire foresight of Comrade Peloski, who told us we must pass law in order to see what is in it. As with spaghetti code (or macaroni-and-cheese code) of Healthcare.gov, more and more mites and weevils good things are surfacing from law itself. For example, it now appears that law will direct peoples to doctors of equivalent race, in order to form "racial concordance" and improved diversity. (Although in what way monolithic concordance can also be diverse is beyond my small brain. But mine not to reason why....) If there are not enough doctors of equivalent race, tough luck there will be grants to encourage production of more such doctors.

Just think, comrades! - After years of struggle, more and more we move back forward to days of separate but equal segregation CONCORDANCE! All hail Obamacare! All hail Next Tuesday!™

See: https://dailycaller.com/2013/10/20/obamacare-seeks-to-segregate-patients-doctors-by-race/#ixzz2iJ0PUwBv

We Currently™ have our best man people working on the problem.

Until the website and the server system is fixed we have the best available phone help experts handling the customer calls helping people to sign up for the great program. FORWARD!