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[center]JUST FOR YOU![/center]
That's right, friends and neighbors, THE STALIN STOREHOUSE, the same good folks that brought you GENUINE OBAMA BRAND SNAKE OIL back in 2009 at the low, low cost of only $787,000,000,000, are back with the next NEW DEAL to make it all better!

At the Stalin Storehouse we are keeping an eye out for YOU!
(With a little help from the boys at the NSA)

We've all heard rumors that everything might not be up to snuff in the online exchanges. While we at THE STALIN STOREHOUSE are as sure as Jay Carney that these rumors are only rumors, and Republican Rumors at that, we still want to do our part to usher in the finest Soviet Health Care available. That why we are proud to announce the Grand Opening of...

Now, we all know that our beloved President, fine man that he is, promised repeatedly "If you like your current health insurance, you can keep it. Period." And THAT IS ABSOLUTELY TRUE, FRIENDS AND NEIGHBORS! Do not believe those dirty, dirty, liars at the Congressional Budget Office! Why, some members of Congress are REPUBLICANS, so you obviously can't trust the CBO!

So we know that if you do like your current health insurance, you can keep it. Period. But we here at THE STALIN STOREHOUSE ask

Why in the wide, wide world of sports would you want to?

Take a look at that old clunker of a policy you've been saddled with. Sure, it's CHEAP. But that's the problem! It ain't got no Bells! It ain't got no Whistles! Sure, you are a 26-year-old non-smoking vegan male who doesn't use drugs...

Tired of all the cool kids making fun of your wimpy $20 co-pay? Well, WE GOT POLICIES WITH $50 CO-PAYS! HECK, WE EVEN GOT SOME WITH $100 CO-PAYS! You'll be the envy of the collective with this cool new plan!

Feel like you AIN'T paying your fair share with a $1,000 deductible? OUR DEDUCTIBLES START AT $10,000! THAT'S RIGHT FRIENDS, A FULL $10,000 DEDUCTIBLE!

If you REALLY want to make Uncle Obama smile, ask about our "Stakhanovite Special":

I do not see distemper coverage. Will this be avaiable at same cost?

Well now, ain't you just an adorable little ol' Kitty Cat!

I assure you, my fine feline, that there is not a single malady or complication that Uncle Obama's Health-O-Rama does not cover.

If you got it, We'll cover it!

If you GET it, we'll cover it!

If you even THINK you MIGHT get it...You're Covered!

Now as to the cost, I assure you, it will be cheaper than projected for MOST applicants, which means that SOME applicants may wind up paying just a small percentage more than they are currently paying. But I assure you we will insure you at a price that will make you dizzy with success. And besides, if you ARE one of those patrons (and I assure you again, it is a very small percentage of patrons) who might see a slight increase in monthly premium costs, rest easy in the knowledge that you OWE this 415% rate increase to the collective, and it has been assessed to you on the basis of "From Each According to Their Means" testing.

Only the wreckers and the exploiters will be facing rate increases.

We promise.

Period.

So what are you waiting for? Get on down to

Uncle Obama's Health-O-Rama Today!

And remember, Wednesdays are Sheriff Joe Days at

Uncle Obama's Health-O-Rama

That's a free Joe Biden Bobble Head doll for every Little Comrade*

Remember Friends, Uncle Obama Wants YOU!

*With purchase of Stakhanovite Special, while supplies last. Not available in some states. Bobble heads do not actually bobble. See store for details.

Is there a policy that covers only Botox and mental health care? It would be named Biden-care...

Step BACK from the display there son, no need to crowd, and don't soil the merchandise by breathing on it.

Now then, my boy (and what a bright and clever lad you seem to be), what you are describing here is the "Pelosi Peek-a-boo Package," and a real eye-opener it can be...just ask Nancy. So powerful is the effect that she has not blinked in three-and-a-half years.

Now then, if you'll just step through this curtain, one of our friendly navigators will get you on your way to the perfect world of affordable health care....what's that, son? ...Oh, a Party Member are you? My apologies, sir! No, no, not through that curtain over there, but over here in this comfy chair. We've got YOUR policy right here in the bag....

Isn't that right next to Honest Obama's Used Insurance Policy lot?

Comrade Brain in Jar, I want one of those Joe Biteme Biden bobbleheads! And why does that "comfy chair" say "Property Of Sweeney Todd"?

Comrade Brain, does it cover G string rash? (I AM a guitar, you know).

Sometimes my G string rides up on me up around the nut (the thingie with 6 little slots at the top of the fret board, boys and girls), and I get all inflamed.

I worry whether that's covered or not, once I've paid my $15,000.00 deductible.

Does it cover Gulag Itch?

R.O.C.K. in the USSA wrote:Comrade Brain, does it cover G string rash? (I AM a guitar, you know).

Sometimes my G string rides up on me up around the nut (the thingie with 6 little slots at the top of the fret board, boys and girls), and I get all inflamed.

I worry whether that's covered or not, once I've paid my $15,000.00 deductible.

I, Captain Craptek - "Defender of the People's Nuts" have been personally assured by high authorities that the plan covers guitar itch. Some advice, though, while you're healing; Avoid bridge chords and excessive strumming.

Ivan, I totally know where that is!!!! Chene St. (Like Dequindre, Gratiot, etc. this name can only be pronounced by people from Wayne County, but it sounds like "Shane")





What a fine looking establishment! And so close to the Ministry of Love!



Now my girls can get their STD tests, Prolixin shots, and detox at the same place! Um, detox is on the list of minimum insurance requirements, no?

Comrade R.O.C.K., here at the Stalin Storehouse we value the members of the creative community more than life itself. You are the vanguard of educating the ignorant in the glories of the Party and the wisdom of its leadership.

So don't you fret about your board or your nuts. All you need is a little Air for the G-String and you'll be right as rain.

Groucho, if you got the itch, Uncle Obama's Health-O-Rama will scratch it. I'm sure the fresh air and healthy exercise of the gulag will cure what ails you.

And my dear Kelly Ivanovna, I must give credit where credit is due: the graphic comes from the boys down in AgitProp, and I have to give them their props for another job well done.

Oh the advertising propaganda opportunities...

RedDiaperette wrote:I do not see distemper coverage. Will this be available at same cost?

So, how equal is it if only the cat gets dis-temper coverage? I double dog (or other most equal animal) dare you to find anyone more dis-temered than a gaggle of proles working a beet field.

I demand equal coverage...

erm, ummm.. maybe I didn't really mean demand - it is more likely that I am just asking or most likely I am not even here... I am down at the station again.

dumb cats get everything...mumble, mumble,mumble

Darski, Darski, dear sweet Darski, of COURSE you will get distemper coverage. Everyone gets disptemper coverage, just like everyone, regardless of age or gender, or species, gets maternity insurance. It's only fair that you pay for the diseases, maladies and conditions of EVERYONE, regardless of the biological impossibility of you personally developing any of them. Can't you see? Uncle Obama's Health-O-Rama means absolute equality!*

*Except of course for the more equal among us, who are completely exempt from any and all provisions** of ObamaCare for perpetuity.

**Except of course for subsidies they will get to help pay for their own insurance policies.

Comrades, this is like deja vu all over again!

Is there a plan that will cover mustache removal? Ever since I bought your Genuine Obama Brand™ Snake Oil, Betinov, I've been plagued with an embarrassing mustache problem that's kept me from getting dates. I can't even seem to hook up with that cute bearded dude at ShovelHarmony.com, and no thanks to the government shutdown, I'm having to go without the fall edition of The People's Dating Service. That was my only source for finding people turned on by mustachioed women.

But back to that mustache. I've tried shaving. I've tried tweezing. I've even tried waxing, but while I was waiting for the wax to cool, I thought I'd take a little nap and then Tovarichi inserted a pair of wicks and lit them and—well, you see all the red splotches on my face. Not all of that is the result of too much vodka, but I'd also like coverage for red splotch removal.

Also, I'd like a plan that includes coverage for tattoos, piercings, and boob jobs.

And my shovel. Especially my shovel. You understand, don't you, Betinov?

Sweet, and above all, temperate, Pinkie, dear heart of the Party, of COURSE Uncle Obama's Health-O-Rama can help you in your hour of need! While Socialist Medical Science may not be able to remove your snake-oil-induced-soup-strainer, the Health Advisory Panel has taken your case under advisement. They have decided (and the decision is not open to debate, alteration, appeal, or question) that the logical course of action is to have you undergo gender reassignment surgery and hormone therapy. This way your moustache will not cause you any anxiety or make babies (at least the ones that make it past the Health Advisory Panel) cry.

Comrade Betinov,

Why did you IM me this image?

As you are aware Pinkie;



Facial hair on a woman proves that you have shed one of the last vestiges of oppressive girly-girl stuff. You are now a true feminist! All of our strapping, young reactionaries will be vying for your attention!

Commissarka Pinkie wrote: ...Also, I'd like a plan that includes coverage for ... boob jobs.

Now just a beet-picking minute! If you get a government subsidized boob job (which will make those babies as sturdy as the turret of a T-55), isn't the whole point to UNCOVER it?

Comrade Betinov,

Just asking for a friend who wishes to stay anonymous........ diaper rash covered?

Tovarichi, are you suggesting that Pinkie should unmask her T-55s at the next Party party?

Up to age 26, if you are on your parents' insurance policy, Snoogs.

PEOPLES CUBE PSA:
"For the common good"

Just a friendly reminder, the door for the Healthy Ho's Party members to register for O'Care is in the rear of Uncle Obama's Health-O-Rama. Tap 3 times and ask for "Huggy O".

Why sex workers are celebrating Obamacare:

Dig4Utopia wrote:PEOPLES CUBE PSA:
"For the common good"

Just a friendly reminder, the door for the Healthy Ho's Party members to register for O'Care is in the rear of Uncle Obama's Health-O-Rama. Tap 3 times and ask for "Huggy O".

obama pimp 1231.png

Why sex workers are celebrating Obamacare:

You mean peoples are actually paying for such as appear in this video?

Come to think of it, should not such services be covered under Obamacare as therapeutic something-or-other? Recall, Comrade Algore demanded such in hotel room as necessary for "releasing [his] second chakra." Tsk. Imprisoned chakra is terrible condition, no doubt. And I assume chakra is not small animal unable to escape... No, I do not wish to pursue this thought.

No Comrade Red D, you do not - lest ye catch it.

And speaking of which, Captain Craptek, was there not disco song about this very thought

Hey Mister, Gor-acle, Gor-acle, Gor-acle
Hey Mister, Gor-acle, Gor-acle, Gor-acle

She met ManBearpig in a Portland hotel
Doing her job an a freak
She said "Here there, guy; you gonna let it fly"

Chakra chakra on the fly-ya
Catchy, catchy on my ear
Gore chakra-lata, ya ya
Gross out, Albert ManBearPig

The sartorial splendor of our Dear Leader is beyond words, that suit must have cost at least 25 dollars!

Free delousing under Obamacare, transportation provided! Proceed to your local Amtrak station.

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Little known fact...
First Monday of the month - Big Hat Day™ at the White House.

Lady Gaga was there to promote proper oral sex hygiene.
.
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Never before have such "High Quality Promises" been made available. Do not delay getting your fair share of these "High Quality Promises" before they are gone. But that's not all, in addition to so many never before available "High Quality Promises", early beneficiaries will also receive Subsidies. Act now.

If I like my Jiffy-Lobo technician, can i keep her?

Tovarichi wrote:If I like my Jiffy-Lobo technician, can i keep her?

Comrade; if you donate $3 to OFA by midnight you'll be entered into a drawing to have one "treatment" performed by the renowned master Dr. Mengele Obama himself!

Had to share the great news right away Comrades as I know many of us here could use a new kidney, ect..

Beatin the competition... Just Fy-NyneeNyne! Liver transplants just a few dollars more, or with your approved credit. C'mon in today!

Tovarichi wrote:If I like my Jiffy-Lobo technician, can i keep her?

Indeed, Tovarichi - those of us who had a Jiffy-Lobo technician before 2010 can keep their Jiffy-Lobo technician!

Plus, if you're a union member, a donor to either Obama campaign with a donation over $1000.00, a former worker at Solyndra, a member of the Democrat Senate or House, or a Communist Party of America member, you're exempt and can use any Jiffy-Lobo technician you choose!

Glorious news, Comrade ROCK!

There shall be much celebration behind the tractor barn this evening from this news! We shall sing marching songs, and gorge on freshly harvested beets, imbibe freshly distilled beet vodka, and if that's not enough, we'll have produce more vodka to wash down more beets!

Oh, Have they solved the interstate portability issues yet? When I visit the Gulag in the east and I cross county lines, I want to know that I'm protected .

Comrade Tovarichi - while it's true that in our progressive utopia it's always a good idea to keep an eye over one's shoulder, so to speak, I do believe that the interstate portability issues - at least for all made progs, inner party members, and others of the class outlined above - have been eliminated by executive order solved.