The People's Cube - Political Satire

Comrades,

A local tragedy that may herald a new round of assaults on toiling comrades everywhere has been spiked by the national news services. But I, your loyal investigative reporter, have uncovered the diabolical plan and present it for your consideration:

BURLINGTON, VT - At around 4:20 p.m. Wednesday, the Vermont State Police say the Burlington Police Department responded to Ruthine "Dolly" Brunette's house after her son was acting irrational and destroying property. Brunette was living in an upstairs apartment.

When Corporal Brent Navari and Corporal Ethan Thibault arrived on scene, Wayne Brunette, 49, was wielding a long-handled spade shovel and advanced toward the officers in a threatening manner. Police asked multiple times for Brunette to drop the shovel. After failing to comply with the officers demands, police say, things escalated and officer Thibault pulled the trigger, firing two shots, one striking Brunette in the torso.

Rescue personal arrived on scene around 4:30 p.m. and transported Brunette to Fletcher Allen where he later died. An autopsy is being conducted by the Office of the Vermont Chief of Medical Examiner's office Thursday. Both officers were not injured in the incident and are on administrative leave. Navari is a 10 year veteran and Thibault is a 12 year veteran with the police department.

Vermont State Police say once the investigation is complete, the case will be reviewed independently by the Chittenden State's Attorney and the Vermont Attorney General's office. This is standard procedure in an officer-related shooting.

It's obvious the man was SO enthralled with his shovel that he just didn't want to put it down. Just look at all that beet juice on the blade! If that's not a sign of someone who loves his work in the beet field, then I don't know what is.

He was surely a martyr for the Party™.

Obviously a conservative shovel operator. A gun is no match for a good shovel in the hands of an experienced collectivist worker.

I'll have to tell my sidekick, The Shoveler, to stay out of Vermont.


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Well, crud. Wayne was everything I dig in a soul mate. Not only did he wield a mean shovel, but unlike the other losers I've tried to date, he lived upstairs at his mother's instead of in her basement.

Why, oh why do all the good-looking guys always have to be either married or gay or dead?

Oh, well. At least he can still vote.

This is how Nanski and Diane's gun control will work Comrades! You will have your shovels, and your shovels are all you need!

INGSOC wrote:This is how Nanski and Diane's gun control will work Comrades! You will have your shovels, and your shovels are all you need!

The "Control Sisters" will have to pry our shovels from our cold dead hands!

Never aim for the man's leg . . . especially when he has a shovel. Go right for the torso, that'll teach him a lesson. Wayne was living in his mother's attic, sounds like he didn't like the digs. With that aside, poor guy, probably was just on his way to an AA or CA meeting and needed his shovel for protection against raccoons and snakes and stuff..