The People's Cube - Political Satire

Our friend Daniel Greenfield has a few thoughts about ending the intolerable Santa's White Privilege. Here's an excerpt:

...no Christmas would be complete without a national conversation about Santa's whiteness.

Over at Slate, Aisha Harris, its resident expert on being offended by racist things in pop culture, suggested replacing old white Santa with a penguin of no specific color. The little blue penguin (Eudyptula minor) and the yellow-eyed penguin (Megadyptes antipodes) are equally welcome. So long as they aren't the albino penguin (Aptenodytes albus) from beneath the earth. They're too white.

Replacing old white Santa with a beady-eyed penguin has the advantage of removing the need to have Santas of every race, color and creed, not to mention gender, gender identity and sexual orientation, for the sake of achieving complete and total identification. It's even easier than finding a Maori transgender gay Santa in a wheelchair to really terrify the kids.

The penguin solution won't work for all holidays. Replacing Jesus with a penguin will raise all sorts of theological issues and turning George Washington, Abraham Lincoln and Martin Luther King into penguins will add a whole new twist to history.

But if we're going to "penguinify" our way out of every holiday to avoid excluding anyone... we might as well start breaking out the penguin masks.

What is the charge against Santa? He's a white male. He's not a member of some KKK lodge in the North Pole and doesn't burn frozen crosses on tundra. It is his whiteness that is offensive.

Read the rest here:

Santa's White Privilege

Fortunately, Comrade People's Director, The Obama family will be spending - and I do mean spending - another fun-filled Christmas in Hawaii, where penguins are everywhere!

Why, I wouldn't be surprised if they flew in a few C-17s filled with snow for the festivities! After all, nothing's too good for the Royal Family!

Come to think of it, the penguin isn't an ideal replacement either. While as a group they've always served our cause as a perfect model of a collectivist egalitarian utopia, individually, each penguin can still be identified by genus, gender, size, age, or a heat outline in the commissar's night-vision rifle scope.

In all fairness, a much better, all-inclusive and non-offensive substitute for Santa would be a lump of coal.

In the words of Daniel's email dispatch to us, we've reached the era of post-human holidays. Time for a species occupation!

I am ready for Get Drunk On Rainbow Colored Beer Day!

Use of coal is in violation of Dear Leader's (PBUH) endeavors to do away with the coal industry. Wind energy is more appropriate, and is appropriate for replacing fossil fuels with a stocking full of "wind" if found guilty of being naughty.

Following party policy and bribing your way to the "nice" list will have the secondary benefits of abolishing strip mining, and moving unemployed coal workers onto the government paycheck where they belong.

Just so I know I'm keeping up...Santa is now a penguin who is going to fart in the children's Winter Solstice Festival stockings, which will be hung by the tenement apartment heating vent with care.

Exactly! Happy Kwanzaa, Comrade!

I propose a new TV series - "Breaking Wind" - The story of a white Santa gone socialist, who spends the lonely summer months in his tropical rain forest cooking massive vats of baked beans which he annually distributes in his solar powered Prius.

Penguins in Santa suits waddle through park

Nine incredibly adorable penguins were dressed up like Santa Claus, reindeer and Christmas trees at an amusement park in South Korea today. The penguins will welcome visitors at the park until the end of the year.

"Santa Crause doesn't rook rike me yet!"

African American dance team shocks Alabama Christmas parade with their revealing Santa Claus outfits

A small Alabama community got the shock of the season on Saturday when a group of scantily clad gay African American Santas took their Christmas parade route by storm.

The Prancing Elites, an all gay dance team known for their provocative moves and outfits, were confused by the invitation to walk the Semmes, Alabama (population 3,000) Christmas parade but swayed and thrust their way through outraged crowds nonetheless.

Parade organizers have since apologized for including the Prancing Elites, but the five gentlemen from Mobile think it was all just part of a day's work.

A small Alabama community got the shock of the season on Saturday when a group of scantily clad gay African American Santas took their Christmas parade route by storm.

The Prancing Elites, an all gay dance team known for their provocative moves and outfits, were confused by the invitation to walk the Semmes, Alabama (population 3,000) Christmas parade but swayed and thrust their way through outraged crowds nonetheless.

Parade organizers have since apologized for including the Prancing Elites, but the five gentlemen from Mobile think it was all just part of a day's work.

Comrade Red Leader,

I see that you presented this article for instructional purposes - and appropriately so. The author's presumption that the 5 participants are male is outrageous! These proud people are LGBTY(*) advocates, and not to be classified using stereotypical social terminology.

(*) Insert add appropriate designations as required.