The People's Cube - Political Satire

Dear Leader has seen fit to dump some more **** on share his superior wisdom with the American people. In this age in which the reprehensible sport of Fascistball is glorified, and with the (spit) Super Bowl only two weeks away, he takes time from his busy schedule repressing the citizenry serving the People to deliver this ominous warning:

“I would not let my son play pro football,” Obama told the New Yorker in a lengthy piece that was published on Sunday. “But, I mean, you wrote a lot about boxing, right? We're sort of in the same realm.”

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It is encouraging that Dear Leader will not let his son Trayvon take up this (spit) disgusting and degenerate capitalist "pastime." We can only hope that the People will wake up and do something about it as well.

OBAMA COMPARES PRO FOOTBALL TO SMOKING, SAYS HE WOULDN'T LET SON PLAY

Ex-Lingerie player stumps for women's football safety

Once again Dear Leader is two steps ahead of the media and Rollerball Fascistball pundits, but a careful reading between the lines is necessary to clarify His true intent. The New Yorker piece is, in fact, a call for women's equality in sports!

Ask yourself why there are no highly paid female players in the NFL, yet more than half the population is female. Random chance? Bad luck? Can't think of a satisfactory answer can you? Didn't think so.

Well, Nikki Johnson and other equally capable women are now engaged in the struggle to break the sporting world's final barrier to total equality among the many sexes of this world - the formidable testosterone ceiling barrier.

Yes, comrades, Nikki Johnson of the struggling Lingerie Football League (LFL) and her team mates insist on an equal share of all future Super Bowl glory. It is to this struggle that Dear Leader bends his mighty shoulders. As in all things unequal, bringing down the mighty is the fastest way to achieve equality for the masses. The NFL must be purged of all violence and dangerous play such as that which injured Nikki's wrist. (See referenced story) I ask you comrades, how many more times must we hear the plaintive howl “it hurts” from these brave women? Answer me!

Dear Leader (PBUH) Barack Hussein Abu Trayvon Obama would not allow his son to play amerikkan futbol because it would be offensive to his religious upbringing.


As a Mooslim, (his son would be raised properly, not like his daughters) playing with a pigskin ball is Haram (forbidden).

I'm sure that none of the infidel womyn in Crapteks photo have that problem...

Comrade Tovarichi,

I challenge you to repeat that comment in the presence of this,...er...person.

This just in -

After watching the Seattle Seahawks play the San Francisco 49'ers with the first family in the Oval Office, Valerie Jarrett told us confidentially that Richard Sherman is precisely why she makes sure that Comrade President B. Husseinovich Obama is always kept on high doses of tranquilizers.

"Frankly, he's bad enough even WITH the tranquilizers, but seeing the post-game interview with with the Seahawk's Richard Sherman was a good reminder of why I make sure the president keeps up with his meds, around the clock. You can just imagine, can't you?"

Comrade Craptek, thank you for bringing this LFL to our collective attention. All I can say is, what cheek these ladies have. Especially #7 and #18.

Boo Tay Crapteck

Comrade Crapteck, what about the Muslim or even the LGBTH football team? Shouldn't these people be represented and avoid discrimination? Wouldn't this finally allow Americans to get together under one big glorious tent to change the hegemonic stranglehold the gender and religious purists have on our culture itself, in the name of sports fairness? I am quite sure that our founding fathers with their powdered wigs, frilly blouses and androgynous high heeled boots would want a more inclusive progressive football standard....right?

Comrade, understand, once football is fully liberated from oppressive shackles of conservative illusory ideologies and open to all Americans regardless of religion and gender identities, we will be able to ban them entirely by virtue of related healthcare costs. Obamacare is a win, win!

Comrade Trashmouth,

Quite right. And once we have established our The People's Utopia - the final step: Ban representative government* entirely to assure no further changes are possible.

*Inner Party members not included

It is high time the Leader spoke out against this most unequal of pastimes. Do you realize, Comrades that the white male minority is only allowed 15% of the slots reserved for the football catching "wide receivers" and the football carrying "running backs" who get paid the most dollars .... And that most white males are relegated to the anonymous, subservient roles of obstructing others so that the black "running backs" are given the freedom to accomplish their celebrated glorious exploits ..... And that the underlying reason for this is a bigoted, unproven, unspoken assumption that black players are faster than white players.

There are those who point to the so-called "quarterback" position which is supposedly "dominated" by white males. As if this compensates for the obvious injustices already illuminated. The "quarterback", as the name suggests, is clearly only half as valued as the "halfback" and only a fraction as valued as the "fullback", which are positions mostly denied to white males. Moreover, what is the role of the quarterback? He is given the ball by the white male "center" and then is obligated to immediately give it to a black "running back" or throw it to a black "receiver" And does the quarterback get credit for scoring a touchdown if the black "receiver" crosses the goal line with one of his throws or "handoffs?" Of course not

Moreover, when the black athletes crosses the goal line, he gets awarded six points. But how many points does the white field goal kicker get when he kicks a ball fifty yards through the narrow goalposts? Would you believe only three points? Even if the distance is an all time record!! Still only three points!! You will tell me that walking across a goal line after catching the throw of a white quarterback is twice as difficult as kicking a ball (that is not designed to be kicked, BTW) 64 yards through narrow goal posts?

No, I am thrilled to hear that the Leader has spoken out against this soul crushing discrimination against white players and refuses to allow the half white son (that he will never actually have) to be subjected to it

Oh, and one more thing. We are now seeing more and more blacks playing the so-called quarterback position supposedly "dominated" by whites. And of course, we are seeing that the black quarterback is allowed to go off on thrilling fifty yard runs with the football whenever he sees fit. What about the white quarterback? Is he allowed the same priviledge? No, comrades, he is obliged to stand as still as a statue while he attempts to throw to the black "receiver" -- even as black defensive "Pass rushers" are hurrying to physically harm him. And this sanction is even applied to Peyton Manning. He is required to remain immobile, even though he has suffered a previous injury to his neck

Oh, and one other more thing. At times, when the team is close to the goal line, the white quarterback is allowed to run with the football. But when he scores do they describe his gallant effort with the honorific "rushing touchdown" They do not! Inevitably, they call this play a quarterback "sneak" -- as if the white quarterback has done a shameful, dishonorable thing .. even if the play wins the game or even the NFL championship!!! They will say the quarterback "sneaked" into the end zone

Indeed, this was the fate suffered by one Bart Starr, who led his team, The Slaughterhouse Laborers of Green Bay, to FIVE NFL championships, only to have his legacy permanently tarnished by accusations that he won his fifth championship by "sneaking" into the end zone with 16 seconds left.

Yes, it is well past time that this most unjust situation be addressed by proper State intervention

Comrade Lennie, this seeming injustice against white players is justified because raaacist.

Remember, slavery. And - today of all days - MLK Jr.

While I understand while Comrade Prezzy MompantsOnFire would never let his son play in this fascist game of "football", the reality is that his son would be a quarterback, due to being 1/4 white.

R.O.C.K. in the USSA wrote:

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Did I miss something? When did Busta Rhymes start playing professional football?

R.O.C.K. in the USSA wrote:Prezzy MompantsOnFire

HAHAHAHAHA!!!! Too funny!

In a quote after the game Mr. Obama had said "If I had a son he'd look like Richard Sherman."

I LOVE THIS GAME!

I am troubled for our Dear Leader, komrades. We keep hearing, "If I had a son....".
Perhaps there is a son of Obama out there somewhere, one who ran away from home when he found out that he was not enough like Trayvon, or that daddy would not let him follow his dream of becoming a professional football player? "No son of mine will ever play professional football. I want you to follow in my footsteps, boy. Now go to my room and get the choom. I'll teach you what it is to be a real asexual equalitarian."
In a desperate bid for approval from daddy, will one of the WH girls CHANGE into Trayvon, with a little help from a gifted surgeon? She wont become a footballer, no. She'll be like Trayvon and learn the honoured code of the Knockout Game and die a martyr for the cause.
Which cause will she die for? When will it happen? Will there be any causes left to die for by the time her scars have healed? Will daddy still be Heap Big Sh Sitting Prez? Will the PREZ go for the big change and finally become a man for Moochelle to stand by?
For answers to these quesetions and more, stay tuned for the next episode of - "Days in the White House" ...... the continuing story of a Prog who's gone to the Dogs.

We are speaking of Dear Leader's composite son, are we not? It is indeed touching (but never tackling) to see such dreams from a father.