4/18/2014, 2:25 am
During this week where we are obligated to endure the religiosity and intolerance of the Christophilic practitioners of homophobic, wedding-cake-denying fascism, I once again take refuge in my favorite BO-spel verses.
While some comrades favor the story of how The Leader created jobs for 5000 from the loaves and taxes of only 300 million, others enjoy the story of how The One spared Sandra The Hoyalene from the slut shaming of Rushbo, high priest of the Bag-hendrin by saying, "Let he who is without the taint of white, male, Christo-centric, heteronormative bigotry cast the first aspersion."
Myself, I enjoy the passages from the early, simpler years of The One's ministry when He first began to reveal Himself to us ......
"Now it came to pass that on the 83rd day of the ascendancy of The One that The Leader ventured forth from The Hill to the Town of George near the River Potomac to address the Catholics. But when He entered their temple and saw the graven and stained images behind His prompter, He became greatly angered -- Woe unto thee, O Catholics. How shall I speak here, for you have made My House into a den of religiosity and dogma. For it is written
I am The One thy Bam who leadeth thee out of the wilderness of the Bush years, there shall be no false gods behind me.
And lo the Catholics were rebuked and the idols were covered. But even as The One departed they spoke amongst themselves; "Do we not now this man's absentee father? Is he not Barack, the Marxist apparatchik from the land of Kenya? Was not his step-father of four years Lola the Jakartite Muslim? How can he say such things?" And thus their hearts were hardened.
Now after a period of 32 days, again didst The One venture forth to speak to the Catholics at their gilded House of Mary, called Our Lady, which lay at the South Bend of the River Joseph, near the Sea of Michigan. And the Catholics brought their children so that they might hear Him. But the Pharisees of anti-choice bad them to remove their children from the presence of The One. But when Hussein saw this, He was greatly displeased and said unto them
"Suffer the young graduates to come unto Me, for such is the era of Change. Assuredly I say to you, whoever does not receive My message with the reasoning of a child shall by no means be a part of it." And the youthful multitudes gave praise saying, "Behold, this is the Bam of Saul who taketh away the shame of the Bush years. Happy are we to be called to His address"
And again were the Catholics of anti-choice rebuked. And lo, The One responded to the young graduates saying, "Blessed are the peacemakers who deny extreme words about the Right of Choice, for surely they will be known as Friends of the One." And lo, The Scribes, led by Matthews, called The Chris, looked upon these words and knew that they were thrilled. And then didst the multitudes of English and Comparative Lit and Women's Studies graduates come unto The One to ask, "Bam, how shall we pray?" And the One did answer
"When you pray you shall use the words the Rahm has given you -- Oh Bama, who art the POTUS, "Blessing"* is Thy name. Thy Health Care come, Thy Change be done, in the House, as it is in the Senate. Give us this day our dose of guilt , and berate us our trespasses, just as you embrace those who trespass against us. And lead us not into free market solutions, but deliver us from Palin. For Thine is the Congress and the Courts and the sycophantic, boot-licking media forever and ever, Hope-Change."
Then The One departed, pausing only for a second to cleanse the garments of a Bagger
This is the word of Rahm
*(literally, Comrades)
