5/8/2014, 7:29 pm
[img]/images/Harry_Reid_Koch_Ancestry.jpg[/img]
A recent DNA study by Party researchers suggests that Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid may have been more closely related to a family group he considers un-Amerikkan than to his Democrat compatriots.
In the months since Reid began foaming at the mouth and accusing the Koches of everything from causing global warming climate change climate disruption to depositing unknown animal poops on his lawn, the senator's ancestry has quietly become the object of intense speculation and controversy. Party leaders state categorically that Reid's desire to build a solar energy plant on the same federally-controlled land where donors to President Obama wish to put up a combination wind farm and presidential library has nothing to do with it.
Party genealogists have discovered that Reid's grandfather, Allwet, was born to an unwed woman named Maria Kochelgruber (who later shortened it to Koch as unAmericans have been known to do) a known climate disrupter who hosted tea parties in her spare time. She subsequently married a community organizer by the name of E. Kent Read who gave his family name to young Allwet. The name became "Reid" because he couldn't spell either.
We spoke to Senator Reid as he enjoyed a lunch of desert tortoise soup, desert tortoise egg omelets and desert tortoise dessert. Comrade Reid denied that Party genealogists are behind the findings, indicating that the source was likely the Koch Brothers themselves.
"These lies are undoubtedly being propagated by the same people who suggested that Comrade Elizabeth Warren was not a full-blooded Cherokee, an allegation that was absolutely proven false by the voters of Massachusetts", Reid claimed. "Both of these smear campaigns have 'Koch' written all over them."
"What's more, I spotted one of the Koches pooping on my lawn the other night. He claimed he was a former member of Occupy Wall Street who got lost on his way to Oakland but I know a Koch when a see one."
Spokespersons for President Obama claim to know nothing about the allegations. Presidential Press Secretary Jay Carney-Barker took time out from a spin class at a local laundromat to note that "I didn't know the Koches were responsible for Benghazi but tell Harry thanks for suggesting it."
In spite of the denials, Party genealogists boldly stand behind their assertions while remaining anonymous, in the finest tradition of Party genealogists. Informed sources stated while the findings remain the current truth, they are subject to change if by chance the evidence somehow gets lost during an upheaval caused by an extraordinary event, say like the groundbreaking for a new presidential library and wind farm, for example.
A recent DNA study by Party researchers suggests that Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid may have been more closely related to a family group he considers un-Amerikkan than to his Democrat compatriots.
In the months since Reid began foaming at the mouth and accusing the Koches of everything from causing global warming climate change climate disruption to depositing unknown animal poops on his lawn, the senator's ancestry has quietly become the object of intense speculation and controversy. Party leaders state categorically that Reid's desire to build a solar energy plant on the same federally-controlled land where donors to President Obama wish to put up a combination wind farm and presidential library has nothing to do with it.
Party genealogists have discovered that Reid's grandfather, Allwet, was born to an unwed woman named Maria Kochelgruber (who later shortened it to Koch as unAmericans have been known to do) a known climate disrupter who hosted tea parties in her spare time. She subsequently married a community organizer by the name of E. Kent Read who gave his family name to young Allwet. The name became "Reid" because he couldn't spell either.
We spoke to Senator Reid as he enjoyed a lunch of desert tortoise soup, desert tortoise egg omelets and desert tortoise dessert. Comrade Reid denied that Party genealogists are behind the findings, indicating that the source was likely the Koch Brothers themselves.
"These lies are undoubtedly being propagated by the same people who suggested that Comrade Elizabeth Warren was not a full-blooded Cherokee, an allegation that was absolutely proven false by the voters of Massachusetts", Reid claimed. "Both of these smear campaigns have 'Koch' written all over them."
"What's more, I spotted one of the Koches pooping on my lawn the other night. He claimed he was a former member of Occupy Wall Street who got lost on his way to Oakland but I know a Koch when a see one."
Spokespersons for President Obama claim to know nothing about the allegations. Presidential Press Secretary Jay Carney-Barker took time out from a spin class at a local laundromat to note that "I didn't know the Koches were responsible for Benghazi but tell Harry thanks for suggesting it."
In spite of the denials, Party genealogists boldly stand behind their assertions while remaining anonymous, in the finest tradition of Party genealogists. Informed sources stated while the findings remain the current truth, they are subject to change if by chance the evidence somehow gets lost during an upheaval caused by an extraordinary event, say like the groundbreaking for a new presidential library and wind farm, for example.
