5/28/2014, 9:51 am
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At a round-the-table discussion Tuesday, First Lady Above The United States Michelle Obama lashed out at Congressional Republicans for daring to question her dietary wisdom.
These Republicans are investigating current federal guidelines for school lunch nutrition, imposed by FLATUS ukase in 2010, following student complaints that the meals are tasteless, parental concerns about the actual nutritional value of the mandated foods, and local school district budget problems in complying with the menu requirements.
“This is unacceptable,” FLATUS erupted during the session. “It's unacceptable to me not just as First Lady but also as a mother.”
The FLATUS outburst came in response to testimony before a Congressional subcommittee by Marjorie Schwabble, a school cafeteria supervisor from Flatwide, Iowa. “The foods mandated by federal regulation really aren't popular with the children,” Ms. Schwabble stated. “They are also impractical to cook on a large scale.” She described the replacement of standard pasta with the mandated whole-wheat variety as a “disaster,” as the new pasta collapsed into a light-brown paste between cooking and serving.
“You have to serve whole-wheat pasta at the moment it comes out of the pot,” said Schwabble. “When we're serving lunch to fifteen hundred students, it has to sit in a steam table for over an hour while the lines move through.”
“The kids wouldn't touch it,” testified Schwabble, “and neither would the pigs out at the farms we sell our cafeteria garbage to as slops.”
FLATUS blew off the Schwabble testimony. “This is ridiculous. Chef Andre at Chez le Pouf makes an absolutely fabulous braised lobster in cream sauce over whole-wheat pasta, and his noodles are never pasty!”
In response to Republican proposals to allow some school districts to opt out of the federal menu mandates, FLATUS fumed “The last thing we can afford to do right now is play politics with our kids' health.”
Citing Section √-1 of the Constitution, which enumerates the official powers of the Presidential Spouse, FLATUS Obama reiterated her executive privilege to micromanage local government affairs.
“They really are incompetent at the local level to make decisions about what their children should be eating.” She added, “They should be grateful that I care enough to force my standards on them.”
At a round-the-table discussion Tuesday, First Lady Above The United States Michelle Obama lashed out at Congressional Republicans for daring to question her dietary wisdom.
These Republicans are investigating current federal guidelines for school lunch nutrition, imposed by FLATUS ukase in 2010, following student complaints that the meals are tasteless, parental concerns about the actual nutritional value of the mandated foods, and local school district budget problems in complying with the menu requirements.
“This is unacceptable,” FLATUS erupted during the session. “It's unacceptable to me not just as First Lady but also as a mother.”
The FLATUS outburst came in response to testimony before a Congressional subcommittee by Marjorie Schwabble, a school cafeteria supervisor from Flatwide, Iowa. “The foods mandated by federal regulation really aren't popular with the children,” Ms. Schwabble stated. “They are also impractical to cook on a large scale.” She described the replacement of standard pasta with the mandated whole-wheat variety as a “disaster,” as the new pasta collapsed into a light-brown paste between cooking and serving.
“You have to serve whole-wheat pasta at the moment it comes out of the pot,” said Schwabble. “When we're serving lunch to fifteen hundred students, it has to sit in a steam table for over an hour while the lines move through.”
“The kids wouldn't touch it,” testified Schwabble, “and neither would the pigs out at the farms we sell our cafeteria garbage to as slops.”
FLATUS blew off the Schwabble testimony. “This is ridiculous. Chef Andre at Chez le Pouf makes an absolutely fabulous braised lobster in cream sauce over whole-wheat pasta, and his noodles are never pasty!”
In response to Republican proposals to allow some school districts to opt out of the federal menu mandates, FLATUS fumed “The last thing we can afford to do right now is play politics with our kids' health.”
Citing Section √-1 of the Constitution, which enumerates the official powers of the Presidential Spouse, FLATUS Obama reiterated her executive privilege to micromanage local government affairs.
“They really are incompetent at the local level to make decisions about what their children should be eating.” She added, “They should be grateful that I care enough to force my standards on them.”
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