5/31/2014, 10:35 am

Even the hero of the revolution Che Carney has stepped down from his position as purveyor. "Why?" you might ask, in bewilderment. I mean, after all, he has done nothing wrong. The dirt on his heels is naught but a political ploy by racists to discredit the first equal president.
Many of you have put 2 and 2 together and come up with 5: the logical conclusion. The intergalactic Zionist conspiracy is to blame! They are filling the ranks with their sinister agents!
Though the pure and simple reasonableness of this explanation is seemingly irrefutable, it is nonetheless not in accordance with the current truth. These events are signs!
We should heed these warnings, comrades, and be prepared for what must inevitably follow when a Leader discards his affluence and retires to the safety of obscurity.
Wake up and behold the rising tide of the collective! The evidence is clear! Purge season is coming! Straighten up fast, comrades, because there will be no tolerance for a rusty collective. I say this not as the Thought Sheriff, but as a comrade.
This has been an official Statement made by the Ministry of Privacy.