The People's Cube - Political Satire

My fellow comrades and the enslaved masses of the People's Commonwealth of Virginia:

Today on this sad and mournful day of everlasting grief and sorrow, we say goodbye to a dear friend and comrade who has served the Party well for nearly a millennium. No, I'm not talking about Bobby Byrd, that's the People's Republic of West Virginia; instead I'm talking about our dear friend and loyal RINO, Senator John Warner. Yes, John Warner – friend of the People and the Party, defender of Progress's onslaught against the Rethug hordes – is, with great sadness, retiring.
~


Senator Warner: Friend, Comrade, Hero of People's World Wide Struggle

Let us all bow our heads in sorrow and recant this little prayer in memory of this courageous man…

Our heavenly Hillary who art whoring for Chinese campaign cash
Hallowed be thy glorious name
Thine Presidency come
Thine will be done
In Washington as it is in Little Rock
Give us this day our daily ration
And forgive us of our meager contribution
As we scold others for giving a meager contribution to us
And lead us not into prosperity
But deliver us from freedom
For thine is the pantsuit
The butch haircut
And everlasting glory
Forever and forever

In Algore's name… A neuter

Because of Senator Warner's steadfast support of the Party, we the Politburo have duly reached the conclusion that Senator Warner will be made an honorary member of the Party and be given the full privileges of a full Party member. Because of his newly gained status within the Party (and his “retiring”), we have also decided to give Senator Warner the proper send off that all Party members receive when they decide to “retire”. Henceforth, it is my personal pleasure to announce that Senator John Warner – in all his efforts to hinder the spread of Conservatism – shall be given the full Khrushchev Retirement Honor.

Just as former Premier Khrushchev, Senator Warner will be remembered as a silly old man in the Party's eyes and will be fully recognized as a non-person. Also, State newspapers will remember him as nothing more than a pensioner when he finally expires in his lonely, cold and damp Dacha. Any memory of him being a Senator will be wiped clean from collective consciousness and any record that will suggest his membership of our Party will be destroyed effectively immediately!

5 shovel salute!

1 – Shovels in… dirt out!

2 – Shovels in… dirt out!

3 – Shovels in… dirt out!

4 – Shovels in… dirt out!

5 – Shovels in… dirt out!

Now the singing of the Soviet Anthem (1944 version, of course!)

Link to funny sounding 1944 version of anthem webpage

(^^ You'll be redirected to the webpage where you can click on the English version of the 1944 Soviet anthem. It is rather unique and sounds a bit like James Earl Jones singing ^^ )

United Forever in Friendship and Labour,
Our mighty Republics will ever endure.
The Great Soviet Union will Live through the Ages.
The Dream of a People their fortress secure.

Long Live our Soviet Motherland,
Built by the People's mighty hand.
Long Live our People, United and Free.
Strong in our Friendship tried by fire.
Long may our Crimson Flag Inspire,
Shining in Glory for all Men to see.

Through Days dark and stormy where Great Lenin Lead us
Our Eyes saw the Bright Sun of Freedom above
and Stalin our Leader with Faith in the People,
Inspired us to Build up the Land that we Love.

Long Live our Soviet Motherland,
Built by the People's mighty hand.
Long Live our People, United and Free.
Strong in our Friendship tried by fire.
Long may our Crimson Flag Inspire,
Shining in Glory for all Men to see.

We fought for the Future, destroyed the invaders,
and Brought to our Homeland the Laurels of Fame.
Our Glory will live in the Memory of Nations
and All Generations will Honour Her Name.

Long Live our Soviet Motherland,
Built by the People's mighty hand.
Long Live our People, United and Free.
Strong in our Friendship tried by fire.
Long may our Crimson Flag Inspire,
Shining in Glory for all Men to see.

Comrades, one could only be so lucky to have this kind of send off. Even Stalin himself would be envious!

Senator Warner, the Party salutes you! But before you go, who the Hell are you!? I have never – and I mean never – heard of anyone named John Warner before! I DON'T KNOW WHO HE IS! I DON'T KNOW WHO YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT!?

I have never – and I mean never – heard of anyone named John Warner before! I DON'T KNOW WHO HE IS! I DON'T KNOW WHO YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT!?

Me too. Can we start scheming up glorious ways that he could have died by serving the people?

Premier Betty wrote:

I have never – and I mean never – heard of anyone named John Warner before! I DON'T KNOW WHO HE IS! I DON'T KNOW WHO YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT!?

Me too. Can we start scheming up glorious ways that he could have died by serving the people?

ABSOLUTELY!

YAY!

Theory 1:
He died trying to stop the methane production from cows so the evil kapatalists would stop saying that cows produce more "greenhouse gasses" than humans.

Theory 2:
He died trying to help the "Boobs for Bill" foundation by acquiring more cheap women for Bill.

Premier Betty wrote: Theory 2:
He died trying to help the "Boobs for Bill" foundation by acquiring more cheap women for Bill.

Hear, hear!!! I likey!!

Chairman M. S. Punchenko wrote:I have never – and I mean never – heard of anyone named John Warner before! I DON'T KNOW WHO HE IS! I DON'T KNOW WHO YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT!?

Never heard of this no-person before either. Was he a beet farmer? But many thanks for the inspirational music. It made my coffee taste that much sweeter this morning.

I was struck by the egalitarian style of the Great Patriotic Anthem. It is a catchy tune that any one can sing along with, from the greatest baritones to the prole whose singing is best left in the confines of the stable. So unlike the imperialistic AmeriKan anthem that only the most elite voices can sing properly.

Premier Betty wrote:YAY!

Theory 1:
He died trying to stop the methane production from cows so the evil kapatalists would stop saying that cows produce more "greenhouse gasses" than humans.

Theory 2:
He died trying to help the "Boobs for Bill" foundation by acquiring more cheap women for Bill.

Who are you talking about Premier?

Who's Warner? Neverheardofhim™

Are you referring to that non-person whose joint cardboard cutout with the other non-person is now being made at the specialized Cardboard Factory No. 27665?

Together we stand, divided we fall indeed!

Why are the Cardboard Factories making pictures of nonpersons (you know, the nonperson that is standing behind the other nonperson, it is like I have seen him before, k,k, ketchup? No) Should not the factories be making cardboard cutouts of our dear leader, Hillary?

Redtheprogressivefox wrote:Should not the factories be making cardboard cutouts of our dear leader, Hillary?

OH SWEET MERCIFUL STALIN! Quickly, Progressive Fox! We must get you out of here before Her Excellency views such an offensive comment! To suggest carboard cutouts of Her Excellency is to imply the failure of the People's 2008 Revolution and our MTE's coronation to become Queen and Goddess! Here, take this $15 and get out of town for a few days. Oh I don't know! Find a hooker or something to keep yourself preoccupied! You can't stay here though - not with that comment looming over you, anyways!

Oh dear, I hear Her grunting around outside! OK, you never saw me here... take the cash and get out of here while you still have a chance!

Chairman M. S. Punchenko wrote:OH SWEET MERCIFUL STALIN! Quickly, Progressive Fox! We must get you out of here before Her Excellency views such an offensive comment! To suggest carboard cutouts of Her Excellency is to imply the failure of the People's 2008 Revolution and our MTE's coronation to become Queen and Goddess! Here, take this $15 and get out of town for a few days. Oh I don't know! Find a hooker or something to keep yourself preoccupied! You can't stay here though - not with that comment looming over you, anyways!

Oh dear, I hear Her grunting around outside! OK, you never saw me here... take the cash and get out of here while you still have a chance!

As usual Chairman, your nose for thoughtcrime is right on target! I would say I hope Fox has a reasonable explanation for this, but that could taint me as well. BTW, since you have provided him with a small sum to hideout with a hooker, and he can't very well use his Party Card at the Peoples Pleasure Palace™ after such a faux pas, as Commissar of Eco Prostitution I would point out that we are running an end of summer special for $15.

No! No! Everyone is misinterpreting what I meant. My question is why do we make cardboard cutouts of nonpersons, and not of someone that is important, like her majesty, and hang them on our living room walls (to prostrate ourselves before)? If I am still guilty of a thought-crime, then sure, I'll take the offer and run (like right now), but should not I fill out a thought-crime forum first??

MEMO

To: All Party Members
Re: Cardboard Cutouts

The cardboard cutout exists for the sole purpose of replacing a live Party apparatchik, who gets purged (shipped off, liquidated, retired with prejudice) for failing to perform according to the Party's expectations. This is needed to preserve appearance. E.g., non-person K got purged after failing the Revolution in 2004 and replaced with a cutout in the Senate, where nobody noticed the switch. For whatever reason all Party apparatchiks are mostly indistinguishable from their own cutouts even while in office. See illustration above.

-- The Politburo

Well that memo clears this issue up. Sounds to me like the Chairman was right on target and Fox may wish to take advantage of his generous offer or he could be the next cutout! Though I know that you are Most Wise and Compassionate, and will no doubt allow Fox to learn from this so he can continue his work for the Party.

<Talking on a cellphone, driving 102 mph on an Arizona desert road running from the Thought-Police>
WHAT ABOUT A STATUE THEN!?!!?

RedtheProgressiveFox wrote:<Talking on a cellphone, driving 102 mph on an Arizona desert road running from the Thought-Police>
WHAT ABOUT A STATUE THEN!?!!?

Were I not so apprehensive to acknowledge your message at this moment, I would say that would be more appropriate. Or better yet, have you no one to blame this misunderstanding on?

<still talking and driving at 102 (they let me refuel and get something to eat and drink to be fair in their chase)>

OF COURSE! I COULD PIN IT ON BUSH IN A HEARTBEAT, BUT 1.! WHERE IS THE FUN IN THAT? 2. I CANNOT FILL OUT THE PROPER PAPERWORK WHILE DRIVING LIKE THIS!!!!! I AM ALMOST INTO THE PEOPLES STATE OF CALIFORNIA! DO NOT WORRY, I WILL BE BACK! SURVIAVAL OF THE SLICKEST!

RedtheProgressiveFox wrote:I CANNOT FILL OUT THE PROPER PAPERWORK WHILE DRIVING LIKE THIS!!!!! I AM ALMOST INTO THE PEOPLES STATE OF CALIFORNIA!

Do they not have Speed Confession lanes in CalIFOOLYA?

No, but be careful driving like that in L.A. The city has initiated a policy of confiscating the cars of street racers and crushing them in front of them in those car compactors if there are non-stock parts on the car that the sale cannot be verified on. It's their attempt to cut down on people stealing parts from other cars and selling them.

Our best bet to ensure Red's safety is to issue him a pardon. I really do not believe he meant to engage in Thought Crime or suggest that Hillary was not going to be victorious. It was just an unfortunate choice of words. Does anyone here have the proper form for this?

No worries Commissar Pupovich, all is taken care of now. I lost those suckers (he,he), and the proper paperwork has been submitted. It was Bush, not me that suggested the cardboard cutout thing. Yes, it is here, in section 3HR-C215. Bush hacked into my account, see? It's Bushs fault, just like it is Bushs fault that fish have a hard time swimming upstream to get to their spawing grounds.

I think Comrade Progressive Fox will be OK. Her Excellency hasn't noticed anything and I haven't heard Her limo outside for a while now (you know, the limo that takes you to Ft. Marcy Park... the final destination for all Party elites WHO FAIL HER). Besides, no one has the power to issue a pardon for offending Her Excellency expect for, maybe, Her Grace the Madam Speaker... who, if I remember, is currently away on "holiday" (she is really getting her face lifted again among other things <shudders>).

The perhaps the less said on this matter the better. Maybe her excellency will not even notice. She is no doubt busy deciding what charity to donate that money to anyway.

Oh how my progressive heart jumps with joy! I must still be really useful for the party to be going to so much trouble to keep me!

That is the key to survival, to remain useful to the Party and of course HRC.