The People's Cube - Political Satire

[img]/images/Yougurt_Beer_Texas_New_York.jpg[/img]

Somehow this seems to me to be a weird but perfect food/beverage metaphor for U.S. State politics...

Of course the left-leaning 'forward thinking' New York elite would make their official snack (official State snack? WTF!) yogurt... It's healthy (in theory)... It's probiotic. It's trendy. It makes all other snacks pale in comparison to its forward thinking goodness so that by definition, if you don't snack on yogurt, what you do snack on is BAD! You are BAD!

And yet, though Rick Perry has likened homosexuality to alcoholism... something for which a person may have a genetic predisposition (pick whichever you like... homosexuality or alcoholism... I'm sure I'll take hits for that, but too bad. I had too may discussions with Papa Theo to believe otherwise), but which they can decide not indulge in (according to Perry)... still, the majority of men in Texas, both straight and gay, have decided to make beer the official state beverage.

Apparently, beer doesn't count as alcohol there (mind you, here in Kanadistan, Amerikan beer doesn't actually count as an alcoholic beverage), and since its health benefits are well known - historically it has been both a repository for nutrition not to mention that hops have an antibacterial quality to them, but throughout history, there have been many times when beer was actually safer than water - and it has now become the unofficial official state beverage, as well as being a beverage a real man can hold in his hand and it automatically erases any gayness... The only thing that could possibly be more manly is walking around with a bottle of Jack (often in nothing but a tool belt, regardless of your orientation), but that would be hard alcohol and could be misconstrued as misdirected homosexuality....

So... New York's official snack is now yogurt, and Texas' unofficial official state beverage (and snack, given it's nutritional value) is now beer... It all makes so much sense... really... on some level. Besides, ask any Texan... yogurt is soooo gay.

Love from Kanadistan, where we're all starting to wonder about y'all... Really? Official State Snack?

Sister Massively Opiated

With thanks to Our Glorious Incarnadine Trapezoid for his Wondrous Illustration.

Comrades here is the official list from Wickipedia, this does not include all 57 states which dear leader has visited.[table] [tr] [td] State[/td] [td] Drink[/td] [td] Year[/td] [/tr] [tr] [td] Alabama[/td] [td] Conecuh Ridge Whiskey (State Spirit)[/td] [td] 2004[/td] [/tr] [tr] [td] Arkansas[/td] [td] Milk[/td] [td] 1985[/td] [/tr] [tr] [td] Delaware[/td] [td] Milk[/td] [td] 1983[/td] [/tr] [tr] [td] Florida[/td] [td] Orange juice[/td] [td] 1967[/td] [/tr] [tr] [td] Indiana[/td] [td] Water[/td] [td] 2007[/td] [/tr] [tr] [td] Kentucky[/td] [td] Milk[/td] [td] 2005[/td] [/tr] [tr] [td] Louisiana[/td] [td] Milk[/td] [td] 1983[/td] [/tr] [tr] [td] Maine[/td] [td] Moxie (State Soft Drink)[/td] [td] 2005[/td] [/tr] [tr] [td] Maryland[/td] [td] Milk[/td] [td] 1998[/td] [/tr] [tr] [td] Massachusetts[/td] [td] Cranberry juice[/td] [td] 1970[/td] [/tr] [tr] [td] Minnesota[/td] [td] Milk[/td] [td] 1984[/td] [/tr] [tr] [td] Mississippi[/td] [td] Milk[/td] [td] 1984[/td] [/tr] [tr] [td] Nebraska[/td] [td] Milk (State Beverage), Kool-Aid (State Soft Drink)[/td] [td] 1998[/td] [/tr] [tr][td] New Hampshire[/td] [td] Apple cider[/td] [td] 2010[/td] [/tr] [tr] [td] New York[/td] [td] Milk[/td] [td] 1981[/td] [/tr] [tr] [td] North Carolina[/td] [td] Milk[/td] [td] 1987[/td] [/tr] [tr] [td] North Dakota[/td] [td] Milk[/td] [td] 1983[/td] [/tr] [tr] [td] Ohio[/td] [td] Tomato juice[/td] [td] 1965[/td] [/tr] [tr] [td] Oklahoma[/td] [td] Milk[/td] [td] 2002[/td] [/tr] [tr] [td] Oregon[/td] [td] Milk[/td] [td] 1997[/td] [/tr] [tr] [td] Pennsylvania[/td] [td] Milk[/td] [td] 1982[/td] [/tr] [tr] [td] Rhode Island[/td] [td] Coffee milk[/td] [td] 1993[/td] [/tr] [tr] [td] South Carolina[/td] [td] Milk (State Beverage)[/td] [td] 1984[/td] [/tr] [tr] [td] South Carolina [/td] [td]Local tea (State Hospitality Beverage) [/td] [td]1995[/td][/tr] [tr] [td] South Dakota[/td] [td] Milk[/td] [td] 1986[/td] [/tr] [tr] [td] Tennessee[/td] [td] Milk[/td] [td] 2009[/td] [/tr] [tr] [td] Vermont[/td] [td] Milk[/td] [td] 1983[/td] [/tr] [tr] [td] Virginia[/td] [td] Milk[/td] [td] 1982[/td] [/tr] [tr] [td] Wisconsin[/td] [td] Milk[/td] [td] 1987[/td] [/tr] [/table]
[table] [tr] [td] D.C. & U.S. Territories[/td] [td] Drink[/td] [td] Year[/td] [/tr] [tr] [td] American Samoa[/td] [td] Kava[/td] [td] Unofficial [/td] [/tr] [tr] [td] District of Columbia[/td] [td] Rickey[/td] [td] 2011[/td] [/tr] [tr] [td] Puerto Rico[/td] [td] Piña Colada[/td] [td] 1978[/td] [/tr] [tr] [td] U.S. Virgin Islands[/td] [td] Bushwacker[/td] [td] Unofficial[/td] [/tr] [/table]

Yet another reason to questions the veracity of Wikipedia as a reliable source of information.

Where are these people getting all these dairy products? I thought all dairy cows were confiscated by the state in order to harness their deadly emissions and save the ozone layer for later mastication and digestion by Al Gore.

How about beer from New York sold in Texas:

"Yech! Why, this beer is made in New York! New York! It's just fermented yogurt."

Or, yogurt from Texas for the New York market:

"Mmmm... yummy. Why, this beer yogurt is delicious. It's got beer in the bottom. Just stir it up!"

Chicken and Waffles was so '90's. Beer and Yogurt. Sounds like a new kind of yuppie hang out. "Let's go to Beer and Yogurt." Yum, yum, yum. The new trendy place.

Hello my friends

Here is the official list from Wickipedia, this does not include all 57 states which dear leader has visited.

I can help you with that, trashmouth!

Michigan

State drink: - a tie: Vernor's and Faygo Red pop
State snack: Sanders bumpy cake!



Except on the Tuesday before Ash Wednesday, when it's Paczki (pronounced POONCH-ki).



UPDATE: I have just learned that, since Michigan legalized medical marijuana, the state snack is "EVERYTHING!!!!!" But I don't know. I think if I had the munchies, I'd just eat more Bumpy Cake.

Apparently, beer doesn't count as alcohol there (mind you, here in Kanadistan, Amerikan beer doesn't actually count as an alcoholic beverage),

Sister Massively Opiated, you do, don't you, know why American beer is like making love in a canoe?

Kelly Ivanovna/келя ивановна wrote:

Apparently, beer doesn't count as alcohol there (mind you, here in Kanadistan, Amerikan beer doesn't actually count as an alcoholic beverage),

Sister Massively Opiated, you do, don't you, know why American beer is like making love in a canoe?

Is this a riddle like, "What's the difference between a Jewish Amerikan Princess and Jell-o™?"*

If not, I'll get scientific and guess it has to do with Archimedes and the fact that because it's essentially water, if you tried to make love in a canoe full of Amerikan beer and it has the same density as water, you'd sink, and possibly drown?

Alternately, my confusion could have to do with the fact that medikal marijuana's been legal in Kanadistan for a really long time, and even when it wasn't, it's always seemed to grow abundantly in certain parts of the country without a lot of human or cetacean intervention, so I've been pigging out on yogurt, actual alcoholic beer and cough syrup all day, watching the World Cup. Or that I'm a stoned Dolphin. Snerk!

Okay! I give up. Why is Amerikan beer like making love in a canoe? Also, Why would anyone wanna make love in a canoe? Very silly. Much Like Amerikan beer... Wait! Is that the answer? Snerk, snerk!

Sister Massively Opiated
(A Jewish Kanadistanian Dolphin)

* Jell-o™ moves when you eat it.

Margaret wrote:"Yech! Why, this beer is made in New York! New York! It's just fermented yogurt."

Oh Margaret... I've so missed your essential "Margaret-ness". Sweet thing. Yogurt IS fermented... By definition, it's dairy that's been fermented for between 4 and 25 hours with at least two bacterial cultures. Like beer, it was a way of historically having nutrition, in this case dairy, last longer, though not as long as cheese. That's one of the reasons our ancestors fermented anything. The other, like cooking meat, was that it made it more easily digestible and so the nutrition was more available to us. Cooking meat, is one of the reasons our brains grew bigger than our hominid ancestors. It's protein and fat was more accessible, allowing our brains to grow bigger. Or rather, your ancestors. Mine just ate lots of Omega fat rich cold-water fish.

A little dry, I know, but life is always an opportunity to learn... something.

Mwah!
Sis

I can only wonder what our late, most darling, Father Prog Theocritus, would have to say about this yogurt drenched specimen. Just wondering. He would have made short work of it, in his own way. God, I miss Theo!

Sister Massively Opiated wrote:That's one of the reasons our ancestors fermented anything.

It's a good thing they did that before the government could stop them. It' strange to think, most of us would never have been born if it weren't for beer.

Sister Massively Opiated wrote:

Kelly Ivanovna/келя ивановна wrote:

Apparently, beer doesn't count as alcohol there (mind you, here in Kanadistan, Amerikan beer doesn't actually count as an alcoholic beverage),

Sister Massively Opiated, you do, don't you, know why American beer is like making love in a canoe?

Is this a riddle like, "What's the difference between a Jewish Amerikan Princess and Jell-o™?"*

If not, I'll get scientific and guess it has to do with Archimedes and the fact that because it's essentially water, if you tried to make love in a canoe full of Amerikan beer and it has the same density as water, you'd sink, and possibly drown?

Alternately, my confusion could have to do with the fact that medikal marijuana's been legal in Kanadistan for a really long time, and even when it wasn't, it's always seemed to grow abundantly in certain parts of the country without a lot of human or cetacean intervention, so I've been pigging out on yogurt, actual alcoholic beer and cough syrup all day, watching the World Cup. Or that I'm a stoned Dolphin. Snerk!

Okay! I give up. Why is Amerikan beer like making love in a canoe? Also, Why would anyone wanna make love in a canoe? Very silly. Much Like Amerikan beer... Wait! Is that the answer? Snerk, snerk!

Sister Massively Opiated
(A Jewish Kanadistanian Dolphin)

* Jell-o™ moves when you eat it.

Q. Why is American beer like making love in a canoe?

A. Because it's f---ing close to water. --Eric Idle

Pamalinsky wrote:I can only wonder what our late, most darling, Father Prog Theocritus, would have to say about this yogurt drenched specimen. Just wondering. He would have made short work of it, in his own way. God, I miss Theo!

Me too, Comrade-Sister. Me too. I was actually thinking of him when I wrote the bit about guys in nothing but tool belts. He was one of the best of us, and I do miss him terribly.

Sister Massively Opiated wrote:

Kelly Ivanovna/келя ивановна wrote:

Apparently, beer doesn't count as alcohol there (mind you, here in Kanadistan, Amerikan beer doesn't actually count as an alcoholic beverage),

Sister Massively Opiated, you do, don't you, know why American beer is like making love in a canoe?

Is this a riddle like, "What's the difference between a Jewish Amerikan Princess and Jell-o™?"*

If not, I'll get scientific and guess it has to do with Archimedes and the fact that because it's essentially water, if you tried to make love in a canoe full of Amerikan beer and it has the same density as water, you'd sink, and possibly drown?

* Jell-o™ moves when you eat it.

Kelly Ivanovna/келя ивановна wrote:Q. Why is American beer like making love in a canoe?

A. Because it's f---ing close to water. --Eric Idle

So, in a way, I got the bit about Archimedes right... LOL

Margaret wrote:

Sister Massively Opiated wrote:That's one of the reasons our ancestors fermented anything.

It's a good thing they did that before the government could stop them. It' strange to think, most of us would never have been born if it weren't for beer.

An absolute "good one," Comrade Margaret! Excellent.

Wait! Wait! Wait! Here's what Father Prog Theo might say, though I would never presume to put words in his mouth, or yogurt, for that matter: