8/4/2014, 5:40 am
[img]/images/Alien_Sedition_Act.jpg[/img]
Comrades, ordinarily it is our party's practice to dismiss, insult, and ignore anythin' (remember, Dear Leader deems it necessary to drop the "G" and replace with an apostrophe) done by those wigged typical white racist slave owners who had our country in their vile clutches in the past. Yes, even John Adams, because although he didn't like slavery, he wore a wig, was clearly white, and was alive durin' an era with a bunch of typical white racist slave owners who wore wigs. And he was fat, which would offend FLATUS.
But, with the rethugs doin' nothin' but hatin' on Dear Leader, it might be time to dredge up somethin' from the John Adams presidency: the Alien and Sedition Acts. And we don't need to wait on the Party of No™ to debate this. Dear Leader has a mighty pen and phone and can just put it in place tomorrow. This is important, Comrades! Hatin' on Dear Leader is a national epidemic!! It is the most pressin' issue of the day.
Now clearly, the Alien part needs work. First, we can't say "alien" because that brings up the idea of "illegal alien" which is now the new "bad word" that must not be said. It would be politically incorrect and would offend™ a lot of people who we need to vote for our Party. That includes everyone floodin' the border these days.
Let's just reverse most of the Alien portion of these bills and direct them at citizens who were born here. It would be a swap. For every citizen that we don't like, we deport them to one of the countries our illegals future party voters are comin' from.
And as to the Naturalization Act, let them get naturalized within 14 HOURS instead of 14 years. No test on American history, English (even the Dear Leader version), or understandin' anythin'. Just an automatic blessin' courtesy Dear Leader's glorious pen in exchange for a promise to vote Democrat forever.
Now the Sedition Act, which is a real treasure. Much of this need not be revised, except to make the punishments worse and revise the language to Dear Leader speak ("ing" becomes "in'" and "going to" becomes "gonna"). And of course, update it to have Dear Leader's glorious signature via his autopen instead of the signature of a racist wigged typical white dude such as John Adams.
Dear Leader could require, for example, that people have a scarlet R put on their forehead if they are guilty of criticizin' him. After all, disagreement with Dear Leader amounts to hatin' on him which is the equivalent of RACISM™ since he IS the first half black president. And thus people guilty of disagreein' with Dear Leader should be forced to have a scarlet R on their foreheads for the rest of their lives. And since this is such a terrible, unspeakable thing, the person should be made to wander and shout "Stay away! Racist here!" sort of like what lepers had to do in biblical times. Of course, all of that should be forgotten because it took place long before Dear Leader was born and this is the religion of the racist Bitter Clingers™ anyway.
Clearly, once in a while our typical white racist wigged wrinkly founder dudes can help us solve some of the most important problems facin' society today, like disagreein' with Dear Leader. Not often, but once in a great while.
Comrades, ordinarily it is our party's practice to dismiss, insult, and ignore anythin' (remember, Dear Leader deems it necessary to drop the "G" and replace with an apostrophe) done by those wigged typical white racist slave owners who had our country in their vile clutches in the past. Yes, even John Adams, because although he didn't like slavery, he wore a wig, was clearly white, and was alive durin' an era with a bunch of typical white racist slave owners who wore wigs. And he was fat, which would offend FLATUS.
But, with the rethugs doin' nothin' but hatin' on Dear Leader, it might be time to dredge up somethin' from the John Adams presidency: the Alien and Sedition Acts. And we don't need to wait on the Party of No™ to debate this. Dear Leader has a mighty pen and phone and can just put it in place tomorrow. This is important, Comrades! Hatin' on Dear Leader is a national epidemic!! It is the most pressin' issue of the day.
Now clearly, the Alien part needs work. First, we can't say "alien" because that brings up the idea of "illegal alien" which is now the new "bad word" that must not be said. It would be politically incorrect and would offend™ a lot of people who we need to vote for our Party. That includes everyone floodin' the border these days.
Let's just reverse most of the Alien portion of these bills and direct them at citizens who were born here. It would be a swap. For every citizen that we don't like, we deport them to one of the countries our illegals future party voters are comin' from.
And as to the Naturalization Act, let them get naturalized within 14 HOURS instead of 14 years. No test on American history, English (even the Dear Leader version), or understandin' anythin'. Just an automatic blessin' courtesy Dear Leader's glorious pen in exchange for a promise to vote Democrat forever.
Now the Sedition Act, which is a real treasure. Much of this need not be revised, except to make the punishments worse and revise the language to Dear Leader speak ("ing" becomes "in'" and "going to" becomes "gonna"). And of course, update it to have Dear Leader's glorious signature via his autopen instead of the signature of a racist wigged typical white dude such as John Adams.
Dear Leader could require, for example, that people have a scarlet R put on their forehead if they are guilty of criticizin' him. After all, disagreement with Dear Leader amounts to hatin' on him which is the equivalent of RACISM™ since he IS the first half black president. And thus people guilty of disagreein' with Dear Leader should be forced to have a scarlet R on their foreheads for the rest of their lives. And since this is such a terrible, unspeakable thing, the person should be made to wander and shout "Stay away! Racist here!" sort of like what lepers had to do in biblical times. Of course, all of that should be forgotten because it took place long before Dear Leader was born and this is the religion of the racist Bitter Clingers™ anyway.
Clearly, once in a while our typical white racist wigged wrinkly founder dudes can help us solve some of the most important problems facin' society today, like disagreein' with Dear Leader. Not often, but once in a great while.
