The People's Cube - Political Satire

Dear Comrades,

Socialist Democrat Party officials today announced that all Citizens of the USSA must, beginning next Tuesday, refrain from using their ‘pinkie' fingers while holding objects.

Following the example of Comrade Party Chairman Barack Barackovich Obama, citizens are to either curl the pinkie finger or lift it sufficiently so as not to make contact with any objects being grasped. For those workers and peasants having difficulty understanding the concept, they are ordered to visualize ‘playing tea' with a five-year-old girl… indefinitely.

The three-finger-and-a-thumb grip has been declared safe by the Occupational Safety and Health Administration for all labor activity under State supervision. Many government workers are already well acquainted with this hand technique.

Over the next several years, notable educators from Hollywood will be recruited to help demonstrate how glamorous and virile men look while lifting the pinkie finger. Loyal citizens will gladly wear the title ‘Pinko' in recognition of their social conformity and political formation.

Beginning with 2015, citizens found using their pinkie fingers to hold objects will be found guilty of non-conformism, and may lose custody of their pinkies. The People's Senate has already ratified a bill calling for the collectivization of all digits, and law enforcement agencies will soon be issued self-cauterizing bolt cutters in addition to their regular rations of recycled military equipment.

Pinkos lift the Pinkie! Follow the lead of our Glorious Leader and lift yours… now!

Faithfully submitted to the Collective of the People's Cube,
Comrade Nomenklatura-climber
Dialectical Progressivism Translator

This group called Yakuza.... They go even further.

OMG! What will we do with our opposable thumbs?
Every pinkie need a thumb FORGODSAKES! Are our pinkies now obsolete? Huh?
Give us a break! (not our fingers, just a break, you know, like, "space.")Maybe pet chimps, orangutans or gorillas are the solution?Doesn't sound right to me. I dunno. It's just not right.I get confused when we start talkin' digital. Maybe that's just me. I dunno.

As long as I have a middle finger my freedom of speech is assured.

So I ask myself, “I wonder what's cooking over at The People's Cube right now? Do they miss me yet? Have they even noticed yet that I haven't been around in a while? Are they asking each other, ‘Does anyone know what happened to Pinkie?'”

So I mosey on over to The People's Cube, and lo, what do I see on the Mother Page under the most recent list of topics at The People's Blog?

I see something that says, “USSA Citizens Ordered to Stop Using Pinkies”

My heart leaped. At last! Someone has noticed! Even if it is some imbecile who never heard of an apostrophe, unless he happens to be a German using a German-style possessive and how likely is that?

Stop using Pinkie's WHAT? Clearly the subject line was too long to fit in its entirety in that little box, so there was only one thing to do.

Click on it.

And so I clicked, thinking, “It must be my shovel. Everyone wants to use my shovel, because they think it has magic properties, or that it will get them more free stuff, or imbue them with Progressive powers, or even prevent them from being whacked upside the head.”

Instead, this thread is all about not using one's pinky finger?

With no mention of ME?

Have I been forgotten already? Have I been scrubbed? Declared a non-person? Airbrushed out of existence?

You, Nomenklatura-climber…

WHACK!!!

Clearly, no one misses me. No one has noticed. No one CARES, which should hardly be surprising since no one here cares as much as I do—and I have the awareness ribbons, wristbands, selfies with hashtags, and buckets full of all manner of assorted crap dumped over my head to prove it!

Ouch! An honest mistake! I lost you number when I washed my trousers.

Hey, how about the 'Unfermented Beet Juice Bucket Challenge'?

How can we mine their gold if we have TWO LESS fingers than Travolta and his men?

The Commissarka said: wrote:So I ask myself, “I wonder what's cooking over at The People's Cube right now? Do they miss me yet? Have they even noticed yet that I haven't been around in a while? Are they asking each other, ‘Does anyone know what happened to Pinkie?'”

Ah, Pinkie, my Pinkie, how I have longed for you. Did Colonel 7.62 send you into another continuum for time, times, and half a time to stew too?

I always knew you were the People's Manifestation of GLaDOS:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=p ... B-SgJR2SjQ

- By the way, have you seen Captain Craptek this weekend?

(OH NO! I wasn't supposed to mention him to you…)

Commissarka Pinkie wrote:Clearly, no one misses me. No one has noticed. No one CARES, which should hardly be surprising since no one here cares as much as I do—and I have the awareness ribbons, wristbands, selfies with hashtags, and buckets full of all manner of assorted crap dumped over my head to prove it!

Perhaps it is recognition of hard work for the Collective, like retiring number on futbol jersey?

I just knew this was going to go badly... I'll be in the back beet field if you need me for anything, just keep looking if you don't see me right away. ;)