11/26/2014, 4:49 pm
[img]/images/Obama_Act_Club.jpg[/img]
TV announcer: Ladies and gentlemen we are delighted and privileged to have for you tonight none other than the President of the United States. Oh, here he comes now. Everyone please give a big hand. The President of the United States!
Audience: clap.
TV announcer: Mister President, it is an honor to have you on the show. I understand you have a very important announcement to make tonight?
Barack Obama: My name... Barack Obama! President of the United States of America.
Audience: laugh
Barack Obama: Yes. I have a very important announcement tonight. Tonight I have a very important announcement. On this show. There is an announcement to make.
Audience: laugh
Barack Obama: My name... Barack Obama, President of the United States of America.
TV host: Thank you, mister President. And what is the announcement, if I may be so bold to ask?
Barack Obama: Tonight, I have an important announcement to make to the United States of America. [Fishes in pockets. Pulls out pieces of paper. Looks through the papers.]
Barack Obama: Oh, my... [Looks at papers] Oh, my goodness...
TV host: Mister President?
Barack Obama: [Still looking at papers.] Oh, my...
TV host: President Obama?
Barack Obama: My, oh my...
TV host: President Obama?
Barack Obama: My name... Barack Obama! President of the United States of America.
Audience: laugh
TV host: Do you have the announcement there?
Barack Obama: My name... Barack Obama. I have a very important announcement to make. These papers. They are not the announcement. This is a very important announcement. I did not even know this until right now. I thought they were, but they are not. This is very important to know. I'm glad I looked. Otherwise it would be very embarrassing for me.
TV host: What are those papers, Mister President?
Barack Obama: These papers, they are resignation papers.
TV host: Oh, my...
Barack Obama: Hey, that's what I said. But I come here tonight not for that. I come here tonight to your show to make an important announcement to the people of the United States of America. Do you know what I say tonight?
Someone in the audience: My name... Barack Obama?
Barack Obama: No, no, no. My name is Barack Obama. I don't know what your name is but it is not my name. Unless it is your name, but I don't think so. No. My name... Barack Obama and I come here tonight to announce that I just took an action to change the law.
TV host: You took an action to change the law? You must be talking about immigration law. Can you do that?
Barack Obama: My legal team tells me I can do this. My name... Barack Obama, President of the United States of America and my legal team tells me I can do this!
TV host: Wow, that's something. So, you've issued executive orders or some kind of written instructions that you've actually signed that direct your executive departments to carry this out?
Barack Obama: No. Actually I'm not signing anything like that kind of can of worms like that. Are you crazy?
TV host: I don't understand. Haven't you said you ordered this? What about those two executive orders you've already issued?
Barack Obama: Those aren't executive orders. Those are just memos. If you read them closely you'll see that I, Barack Obama, only signed something that directs people to do studies and recommendations on immigration.
TV host: But you've already had studies and recommendations. Why are these different?
Barack Obama: You tell me. I just work here.
TV host: You came here Mister President, to announce that you took actions to change the law. So, if you haven't signed anything what action did you take?
Barack Obama: I came here to announce that I have taken action to change the law so if I haven't signed anything what actions did I Barack Obama, President of the United States, take!
Audience: laughs
Barack Obama: This was the hard part.
Audience: laughs
Barack Obama: The action I took. It was hard. Because people are very very afraid.
TV host: What are people afraid of, Mister President?
Barack Obama: Well, people are very very afraid of the law. I mean, they just are.
TV host: The law? Are you asking people to break the law?
Barack Obama: I called up the department heads and told them to do this thing. Do what I say. You understand? I told them it was okay, you just do what I say. Don't worry.
TV host: And what did they say?
Barack Obama: Most of them say if they do what I say they want something in writing with my signature on it or they will take the rap if anything go wrong and where they be and what would I say then when it's all in court.
TV host: And you said?
Barack Obama: I say, forget what you say. I do what you say then and, and, and... have something in writing and sign it then I, Barack Obama President of the United states of America, I'm really in trouble, you know?
TV host: So, they said?
Barack Obama: Most of them said, "I resign."
TV host: Ah. That would account for all the resignations you've got there. What do you plan to do now, Mister President?
Barack Obama: Well, you know... My plan is to keep bullshitting my way through this thing until it all blows up.
TV announcer: Ladies and gentlemen we are delighted and privileged to have for you tonight none other than the President of the United States. Oh, here he comes now. Everyone please give a big hand. The President of the United States!
Audience: clap.
TV announcer: Mister President, it is an honor to have you on the show. I understand you have a very important announcement to make tonight?
Barack Obama: My name... Barack Obama! President of the United States of America.
Audience: laugh
Barack Obama: Yes. I have a very important announcement tonight. Tonight I have a very important announcement. On this show. There is an announcement to make.
Audience: laugh
Barack Obama: My name... Barack Obama, President of the United States of America.
TV host: Thank you, mister President. And what is the announcement, if I may be so bold to ask?
Barack Obama: Tonight, I have an important announcement to make to the United States of America. [Fishes in pockets. Pulls out pieces of paper. Looks through the papers.]
Barack Obama: Oh, my... [Looks at papers] Oh, my goodness...
TV host: Mister President?
Barack Obama: [Still looking at papers.] Oh, my...
TV host: President Obama?
Barack Obama: My, oh my...
TV host: President Obama?
Barack Obama: My name... Barack Obama! President of the United States of America.
Audience: laugh
TV host: Do you have the announcement there?
Barack Obama: My name... Barack Obama. I have a very important announcement to make. These papers. They are not the announcement. This is a very important announcement. I did not even know this until right now. I thought they were, but they are not. This is very important to know. I'm glad I looked. Otherwise it would be very embarrassing for me.
TV host: What are those papers, Mister President?
Barack Obama: These papers, they are resignation papers.
TV host: Oh, my...
Barack Obama: Hey, that's what I said. But I come here tonight not for that. I come here tonight to your show to make an important announcement to the people of the United States of America. Do you know what I say tonight?
Someone in the audience: My name... Barack Obama?
Barack Obama: No, no, no. My name is Barack Obama. I don't know what your name is but it is not my name. Unless it is your name, but I don't think so. No. My name... Barack Obama and I come here tonight to announce that I just took an action to change the law.
TV host: You took an action to change the law? You must be talking about immigration law. Can you do that?
Barack Obama: My legal team tells me I can do this. My name... Barack Obama, President of the United States of America and my legal team tells me I can do this!
TV host: Wow, that's something. So, you've issued executive orders or some kind of written instructions that you've actually signed that direct your executive departments to carry this out?
Barack Obama: No. Actually I'm not signing anything like that kind of can of worms like that. Are you crazy?
TV host: I don't understand. Haven't you said you ordered this? What about those two executive orders you've already issued?
Barack Obama: Those aren't executive orders. Those are just memos. If you read them closely you'll see that I, Barack Obama, only signed something that directs people to do studies and recommendations on immigration.
TV host: But you've already had studies and recommendations. Why are these different?
Barack Obama: You tell me. I just work here.
TV host: You came here Mister President, to announce that you took actions to change the law. So, if you haven't signed anything what action did you take?
Barack Obama: I came here to announce that I have taken action to change the law so if I haven't signed anything what actions did I Barack Obama, President of the United States, take!
Audience: laughs
Barack Obama: This was the hard part.
Audience: laughs
Barack Obama: The action I took. It was hard. Because people are very very afraid.
TV host: What are people afraid of, Mister President?
Barack Obama: Well, people are very very afraid of the law. I mean, they just are.
TV host: The law? Are you asking people to break the law?
Barack Obama: I called up the department heads and told them to do this thing. Do what I say. You understand? I told them it was okay, you just do what I say. Don't worry.
TV host: And what did they say?
Barack Obama: Most of them say if they do what I say they want something in writing with my signature on it or they will take the rap if anything go wrong and where they be and what would I say then when it's all in court.
TV host: And you said?
Barack Obama: I say, forget what you say. I do what you say then and, and, and... have something in writing and sign it then I, Barack Obama President of the United states of America, I'm really in trouble, you know?
TV host: So, they said?
Barack Obama: Most of them said, "I resign."
TV host: Ah. That would account for all the resignations you've got there. What do you plan to do now, Mister President?
Barack Obama: Well, you know... My plan is to keep bullshitting my way through this thing until it all blows up.
