The People's Cube - Political Satire

Black Or White (was to be released Jan 30, 2015)

Official Craptek Film Review: Rumors are circulating that certain leaders of racially oppressed minorities are threatening to bring Hollywood to its knees if the movie BLACK Or WHITE is released in theaters early next year. While no specific details are available at this time, the phrase “Hands Up, We Can't Breathe” is being whispered in the lunch rooms and hallways of numerous production studios. A brief synopsis of the movie's plot sheds light on the growing outrage.

This so called “story” centers on a rich white attorney, Elliot Anderson (Academy Award winner Kevin Costner) who is widowed when his detestable, drunken wife's car accidently explodes in the driveway of their fashionable estate. Between weekends spent screwing local tramps and overnight stays in the local police station drunk tank, Elliot has somehow managed to raise his perfectly adjusted bi-racial granddaughter Eloise. However, an unexpected event is about to disrupt their idyllic existence.

Elliot awakens after a particularly intense weekend of drinking and screwing to discover himself face down in the mud next to his idling BMW roadster. Rolling over on his back he finds Eloise's grandmother, Rowena, (the deserving, but never Academy Award winning Octavia Spencer) her face contorted with disgust and loathing, standing astride his rum soaked body.

Rowena releases a lengthy, obscenity laced tirade down upon the hapless Elliot the likes of which one seldom encounters in PG-13 movies. Beginning with a condemnation of Elliot's overall lifestyle and disgusting appearance, she proceeds to demean his pathetic white heritage, lack of sensitivity, and ape like facial features. Then, her shrill voice rising to an ear-splitting crescendo, she demands that Elliot turn over his granddaughter to her biological father Reggie, a murdering drug addict who is likely responsible for the “accidental” death Elliot's own daughter.

BLACK Or WHITE is a glossy portrayal of a family oriented white man caught up in a struggle clouded by black racial bitterness, blame and unbearable tension who learns to forgive blacks and provide for the only family he has left - his cute, well adjusted little mixed race granddaughter Eloise. (or so the writers would have us believe) We didn't, and still don't!

Wait, who's supposed to be the victim here, whitey?

I may be washing the tractor that night. Yes, that's tractor wash night, I'll have to miss it.

Captain Craptek and Comrades, there still is time to save the millions of victims of Hollywood's terror. Perhaps, now is the time for a film that challenges and changes American culture and meet all the needed obligations to third world dictatorships, progressives as well as self appointed leaders of the Black Community which would stem the tide of hate and bigotry that our culture has popularized through Hollywood productions. However, I am quite sure that the wounds could also be healed with large sums of cash heaped largely upon self appointed leaders, progressive leaders and third world leaders from the creation of re-written Hollywood classics…….
How about a film, yes a film that starts out not in black and white but in a sepia-tinted desolate small town in the early part of 2015. A young girl named Dotty, who lives in a house near a former evil coal fired electric power plant ( that at one time produced energy needed to create weapons of evil against harmless repressed socialist countries ) with her Uncle Tom and his live in bi-racial girlfriend. Dotty and her ThinkPad get into trouble with a cruel heartless Right Wing Republican Christian Fundamentalist Spinster ™ , when questioning historical ethics of the America's founding by e-mails to her friends. However, Dotty's Uncle and live in girlfriend are all too busy with their abject consumerism to pay attention to her. The Wing Republican Christian Fundamentalist Spinster ™ arrives at the abandoned neighborhood with thought police to have her interrogated and sentenced for thought crimes. Dotty escapes with her ThinkPad and runs away from home to escape the punishment of the thought police. While learning to avoid the pitfalls of a toxic landscape created by evil capitalists, she meets a benevolent terrorist freedom fighter cleric, who realizes Dotty as a runaway and ……pardon me while I get another shot of Nyquil.....

I am disappointed that Eloise is shown to be a cisgender female instead of a well-adjusted trannie. Will the heterosexism never end?

This film release must also be postponed until the DOJ determines who gets the victim status.

Red Square wrote:This film release must also be postponed until the DOJ determines who gets the victim status.

Perhaps the car? (Hoods up! Don't 'splode!)

Comrade Craptek thanks for an informative review. This movie in some form should be shown to all school children, along with the progressive videos 'I Pledge', 'Safe Schools', and 'That's a Family'. We need to teach our kids that mommy and daddy are just "misinformed" and all children should be brave by telling teacher and school administrators about any denial of 'white privilege', racism, or homophobia that may occur at home.

Proving once again he is the consummate liar, [color=#C0392B]Ivan the Stakhanovets[/color] wrote: I may be washing the tractor that night. Yes, that's tractor wash night, I'll have to miss it.

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Yea... you really bust your ass on 'tractor wash night', Ivan!

(**Captain Craptek the Flying Squirrel to Supreme Allied Command, "I have acquired the target... permission to begin assault, over!"**)
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Elliot awakens after a particularly intense weekend of drinking and screwing to discover himself face down in the mud next to his idling BMW roadster.

Tsk, tsk! Comrade RedD was warm - as usual, but not quite korrekt. How did you miss this clue? Retaliation for the movie's destructive content will most likely come from our revolutionary enviropathic comrades! Idling cars kill The Children.™

Comrade Putout wrote:

Proving once again he is the consummate liar, [color=#C0392B]Ivan the Stakhanovets[/color] wrote: I may be washing the tractor that night. Yes, that's tractor wash night, I'll have to miss it.

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Yea... you really bust your ass on 'tractor wash night', Ivan!

(**Captain Craptek the Flying Squirrel to Supreme Allied Command, "I have acquired the target... permission to begin assault, over!**)
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washing-our-tractor.jpg

Dearest comrade May,

Extending you the benefit of the doubt that you've never been in a men's locker-room shower (lets just say that), you are most likely unfamiliar with the phrase "It's mine, and I'll wash it as much and as fast as I want to..."

I say when the People's tractor is dirty, and dammit I'll decide when and how it gets cleaned, and if you and comrade Pammie want to help, I approve of your work uniforms....I'll provide sponges, soapsuds and vodka...

Tractors can be very sensuous don't you think?