The People's Cube - Political Satire

[img]/images/Psaki_State_Dept_Spox.jpg[/img]

Comrades, there is now an opening for a new spokesperson at the State Department!

It could be you. It could even be me. Hell, it could even be one of those oppressed members of ISIS who'd certainly stop bombing and burning and beheading people if only someone gave them a job. I know I'd stop whacking proles with my shovel if only someone gave me a job. And a cellphone. And a car. With free gas. And don't forget the free Obama money that comes from—I don't know, I think it comes from his stash.

Just think! Any one of us could easily replace Jen Psaki!

The promise of hashtag: Jen Psaki gets a big promotion

The White House revealed this week that Psaki would be moving on from her role as spokeswoman for America's chief diplomat and will be diving back into the political fray. She will soon transition back into the White House to serve as Obama's new director of communications.

Do you seek adventure? Travel? Romance? And all of it on the taxpayer's dime?

Do you love Obama?

Do you like to make people laugh?

Do you ever dream of residing in some alternate universe?

Then you could be the next State Department Spokesperson!

QUALIFICATIONS:

Proficiency with the creation of hashtags and their use via selfies required. (Selfie sticks will be provided at taxpayer expense.)

Be willing to wear hideously clunky, gaudy jewelry so people will notice that and not whatever the hell in God's name is coming out of your mouth.

Utmost sensitivity to all aspects of Islam an absolute requirement!

Ability to name the leaders of obscure, militant Christian groups that have long since disbanded, were last active in small remote countries that probably no longer exist, and that no one else has ever heard of, is preferred but not necessary.

Must be able, without any hesitation, to blame Republicans and/or George W. Bush and/or Israel as involuntarily as any bodily function.

Complete and total detachment from reality a definite plus!

If you meet all of these qualifications, then you should apply at once. And if you do get the job and continue to meet the above requirements, then you could eventually advance just like your predecessor, Comrade Psaki, to either the White House or as host of your own show on MSNBC!

But this opening won't last long, so buy those big beads and get your application in now!

Don't forget folks! Apply now and get a free set of hipster glasses! (They make you look coo-wul on MSNBC!)

Disqualifications:

If you are:

part of the secret secret inner inner circle.

Bush

Joe Biden

Tea Bagger

Intelligent

White Christian Male

Capitalist

Gross in German terms

Know more then one country other then the USSA

There is more on the Obama Website, just put all your information on an insecure page and our parolees will take care of it.

There (cough) is NO "inner circle" (cough, wink wink)...

You must be confused!

I must confess sadness from this news.

After all, Mother Russia has long since held Ms. Psaki on a high pedestal, that was solely based and founded on a mutual respect for her skills and her craft at her soon-to-be-former job.


Look how he worships her, expecting guidance throughout his late night show! She a true Prophet of Dear Leader and spoke The Current Truth™ with the poise, dignity, and intellectual forthright one could expect from anyone chosen to run something in this current administration.

Seeking to replace such a person is not something one should take lightly; it will be hard to find someone at the level of Ms Psaki, and we can, unfortunately, do nothing but wish her all the luck with this perfect example of Negative Selection her well deserved promotion.

Indeed, it shall be the coldest winter ever this year, in the hearts and minds of the 18-34 year old demographic of Mother Russia...

[img]images/clipart/Prog_Off.gif[/img]

For the uninformed.

Hammer and Loupe wrote:Disqualifications:

.....Know more then one country other then the USSA...

Komrade Hammer, I have learned from Komrade Glorious Leader that there is, "uhhh...hhhh," a country called Austria, where they speak Austrian, like in the USSA Peoples Senate.


Does that disqualify me?

Saturday Night Live Transcripts

(this 1975 video exists on YouTube but can't be embedded, you have to pay to watch)

Ambassador Training Institute

[In a kitchen, a wife serves her husband dinner.]

Husband: [disgruntled] Sandwiches again tonight?

Wife: You know I can't stretch the food budget any further! Why don't you get a better job?

[Through the magic of Chroma-Key technology, a pitchman appears - superimposed over this kitchen scene - and addresses the camera.]

Pitchman: Are you stuck in a go-nowhere, do-nothing job? If so, this is your chance to start an exciting career in the world of international diplomacy as an ambassador to a foreign country -- by enrolling now at the Ambassador Training Institute.

[After a glimpse of the ATI logo (a shield with an eagle, a dollar bill, and a crossed knife and fork), we dissolve to stock footage of horse-drawn carriages, diplomats shaking hands, tables laden with food, etc.]

Ambassadors live in luxury and get to mingle with glamorous celebrities, royalty, and the social elite. And they don't have to pick up after themselves. Ambassadors have a lot of prestige and influence. They put in long hours without working hard. And they're often the center of attention. And the food? Fantastic! Ambassadors dine on the finest gourmet food at big fancy dinner parties in palaces, in embassies and trade centers.

[Back to the pitchman.]

To see if you qualify for a career in diplomacy, take this easy test, right now, in the privacy of your own home. Listen closely. You are having dinner with some foreign dignitaries and someone says something anti-American. You:

(A) Shoot him and create an international incident.

(B) Pretend you did not hear it and ask him to pass the sweet and sour shrimp.

You'd be surprised how many people say "A" -- but if you said "B," then you have the ability to make quick decisions on your feet. When you enroll at Ambassador Training Institute, you'll learn how to accept gifts graciously, how to propose toasts. You'll use phrases like: "Delighted to see you again!" "I'll ask the Secretary of State." and "Pass the sweet and sour shrimp."

Now, here's how to get your free booklet. Just send three hundred thousand dollars and the name of the country to which you'd like to be ambassador to: Illegal Campaign Contributions, Ambassador Training Institute, Mexico City, Mexico.

That isn't the test Joe Biden gave me.