The People's Cube - Political Satire

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We are now in possession of empirical evidence that Race Card still trumps Gay Card with all its subcategories, including the Gay-Hispanic-Minority variety.

OPENLY GAY UNIVISION CORRESPONDENT RODNER FIGUEROA FIRED FOR RACIST REMARKS ABOUT MICHELLE OBAMA

Rodner Figueroa, the openly gay style correspondent for Univision, has been fired for comparing First Lady Michelle Obama to a character from "Planet of the Apes" during an on-air segment. He made the comments while discussing a viral video about a Filipino actor and makeup artist who transforms himself into different female celebrities including Michelle Obama.

“You all know that Michelle Obama looks like she's from the movie Planet of the Apes,” said Figueroa.

His co-hosts attempted to diffuse the situation by asserting that Mrs. Obama was very attractive, but the damage had been done.

By the end of the day Univision had terminated Figueroa, wiped him from their official website, and issued an official statement saying that his comments “were completely reprehensible and in no way reflect the values or opinions of Univision.”

Hours later Figueroa released a statement of his own, apologizing for his comments and claiming that he was fired after White House representatives expressed their concern to Univision:

“I come from a bi-racial Latino family, with family members like my father, who are Afro-Latino. I am the first openly gay host on Spanish-language television and I have been an activist for causes to help minorities, who like me have been discriminated against. I voted openly two times for your husband, Barack Obama, because I consider him to be a great man who respects minorities like me in this country.”

So much for the recent promotion of Gay Cards by Comrade Blogunov, who misleadingly claimed that Gay Card is like the old-fashioned Race Card, but on steroids.

This can wait for the next show trial, but it would be interesting to find out which lobby has greased Comrade Blogunov's palm for him to disseminate such blatant un-truths.

In the meantime, we must issue an Executive Order declaring all Current Truth previously written by Comrade Blogunov about Gay Cards to be "no longer current" until further notice.

This is contingent upon him redistributing his proceeds to the Party leadership, in whose power it is to upgrade his previously stated truths to "partially korrekt." Depending on the magnitude of his remorse (and the extent of his willingness to share), the leadership may consider airbrushing the "show trial" comment above, or at least demoting it as "no longer current."

The show trial must go on, comrade Red. I do fear, however, that comrade Al-Blogunov will likely pull the Islamaphobia card in order to avoid an embarrassing show trial.

Does the Islamaphobia card trump the race card? Only time will tell.

Comrade Al-Blogunov, I'm available for counsel and have a fresh supply of popcorn. I know how much you appreciate that wonderful source of nutrition.

While the effectiveness of each compared to the other may be in question, it is important to add that Comrade Figueroa has been deemed by the Glorious Collective as a 'White Hispanic', and so any situation which draws the race card takes precedence no matter what his orientation.

At least, that's how my newly updated Pocket Edition Progressive Tolerance Flowchart™ determines this case when searched under the 'special conditions' category.

Comrade Sovremennyy - you pointed at an important circumstance the court hasn't weighed in yet. Citizen Figueroa is indeed a "White Hispanic," or WHISP - even more so than George Zimmerman.

For reference, use our earlier developed HISPANIC SKIN COLOR ADVISORY SYSTEM:



For further reference, use also our earlier developed Flowchart of Oppression and Guilt:

With only 52 cards in the deck and Lenin only knows how many genders that have been recently discovered in the LGBQTBDSMETC ecosystem, it could be a while before we know the correct card hierarchy. Add to that the fact that due to human-heteronormative climate change, even as we discover new genders, hundreds of of other genders, some of them dating back to the last century, are going extinct.

New races, of course, are also being discovered, the latest being "white hispanic."

Kapitan Kangaroo Kourt wrote:Comrade Al-Blogunov, I'm available for counsel and have a fresh supply of popcorn. I know how much you appreciate that wonderful source of nutrition.

Great Stalin's Ghost wrote:With only 52 cards in the deck and Lenin only knows how many genders that have been recently discovered in the LGBQTBDSMETC ecosystem, it could be a while before we know the correct card hierarchy. Add to that the fact that due to human-heteronormative climate change, even as we discover new genders, hundreds of of other genders, some of them dating back to the last century, are going extinct.

New races, of course, are also being discovered, the latest being "white hispanic."

Great Stalin's Ghost wrote:...New races, of course, are also being discovered, the latest being "white hispanic."

How true. Konsidering his overtly ray-sisss remarks, I fear that komrade Figueroa is one of those "white hispanics" that the Propaganda Ministry warned us about.

Great Stalin's Ghost wrote:With only 52 cards in the deck and Lenin only knows how many genders that have been recently discovered in the LGBQTBDSMETC ecosystem, it could be a while before we know the correct card hierarchy. Add to that the fact that due to human-heteronormative climate change, even as we discover new genders, hundreds of of other genders, some of them dating back to the last century, are going extinct.

New races, of course, are also being discovered, the latest being "white hispanic."

I'll let you in on a little secret, comrade. There is no limit to the number of cards in a stacked deck. Why would The Party™ limit itself to 52 cards? or 50 states? We can create cards (and states) as circumstances necessitate. If we can decree 57 states, we can decree 157 cards.

Remember, it's all about ensuring the end of White Privilege™ - hispanic or otherwise - and Equality™ for all.

Ppfft! The Gay Card is soo-ooo 2012, when everyone either came out or evolved on gay marriage to win elections.

The Transgender Card is the latest in Victim Chic™. I don't know if it trumps the Race Card this year, but I do know that Science trumps everything...except gender identity. I mean, just because you have a Y chromosome doesn't mean you're male if you think you should be a female, right?

I think Univision decided "never again".

"His co-hosts attempted to diffuse the situation by asserting that Mrs. Obama was very attractive, but the damage had been done..."

His co-hosts knew their place. I've noted several commentators in context of this story jumping in to praise the beauty of our beloved first lady. The brave comrades didn't even choke on it, I think it's a matter of relaxing the throat muscles.

Soviet Mike Komsomolets wrote:I think Univision decided "never again".

Yeah, and she defiantly said she "doesn't read cursive" (so, don't fuck with me).

Actually, I think it is a case of "nothing beats a FLATUS Michelle card."

Soviet Mike Komsomolets wrote:

Most equal, comrade.