The Wikipedia article on The Lives of Others mentions that "A possible Hollywood remake is said to be in the works, with Anthony Minghella or Sydney Pollack directing."

Now, I don't know about the other guy, but the Party fully trusts Comrade Pollack in doing such an important remake. Let me explain what that means.

PLOT:

In Amerikkka of 2001, CIA Investigator Robert Redford, a keenly idealistic supporter of the Bush's illegal war for oil, is shown interrogating a peace activist who is suspected to know who blew up the WTC. One of his CIA colleagues (Valery Plame) exclaims that waterboarding is "inhumane," but Redford maintains that it helped the prisoner to remember the names of Scooter Libby, Mark Foley, and Macaca.

Redford old classmate, now CIA Director Steve Buscemi, assigns him to spy on playwright George Clooney, who is suspected of liking World Peace and the Environment. CIA agents secretly enter Clooney's small eco-friendly apartment and illegally wiretap his solar-powered light switches. Redford monitors the activity in the attic space above the apartment, typing a summary of activities for the record after each shift.

Redford soon finds out that the real reason why Clooney is being spied on is that George Bush is attracted to Clooney's girlfriend/boyfriend/toaster Susan Sarandon. If Clooney is arrested, Bush will have free rein. This destroys Redford's motivation, as the job is not seriously investigating crimes against US imperialism.

While eavesdropping, Redford listens to Clooney's conversations with Sarandon and Michael Moore. As a result he becomes enlightened about the true state of affairs in the country: illegal war for oil and torture, Big Oil conspiracy, Hurricane Katrina conspiracy, and the Global Warming conspiracy. After Redford listens to Clooney and his friends quietly sing a beautiful song by Greenday called American Idiot, he begins to cry and decides to help Clooney to fight the illegal war and re-defeat Bush.

TO BE CONTINUED...


EPILOGUE:

2008, shortly after Hillary's victory. In the new glorious United Socialist States of America, Clooney is riding a limo in a street where progressive people celebrate the end of dark era of Bush. Suddenly Clooney notices Redford who is running away from a crowd of peaceful Muslims (recently freed from Gitmo by HRC's Presidential Edict) who want to have a word with their former interrogator. Clooney decides not to interfere and drives away in his hybrid limo, wiping a sweet tear of joy.)

Hollywood is so desperate for new movies and ideas now that they are making movies about everything, from video games, to comics, to books. Some of is good, but most of it is crap. Remakes of their old movies just end up being a newer politically correct version of the old movies. It's like they are under new management and are trying to fix the "mistakes" they made with all their old movies. Wait, that last part was completely true....

Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!

Red Square, sir, this is truly the funniest thing I've seen here for a long time. The Lives Of Others could not equal.

Premier Betty wrote:Remakes of their old movies just end up being a newer politically correct version of the old movies. It's like they are under new management and are trying to fix the "mistakes" they made with all their old movies.

True.

But we must also consider making remakes of older progressive films, to educate the lazy and spoiled Americans who wouldn't watch old grainy black-and-while movies.

We must write a remake of Battleship Potemkin. Time and place - Modern USA. A US Navy ship revolts against illegal occupation of Muslim lands while standing in the Persian Gulf. Might as well be the San Francisco Bay. The ship is bombarded from the shore and sunk and the whole thing is covered up. That's why we never hear about it in the media.

Wait, it was all blamed on the Muslims! USS Cole, anyone? The government blew up the ship and blamed it on al-Qaeda in order to start the unprecedented imperialist expansion under the code name "War on Terror."

Any volunteers to write the treatment?

We might as well have a thread where we can propose and discuss such remakes. The Party will select the best ideas and send them to Pollack, Coppola, Redford, Clooney, etc.)

What other movies do you think should be remade by and how?

Remakes of their old movies just end up being a newer politically correct version of the old movies. It's like they are under new management and are trying to fix the "mistakes" they made with all their old movies.

What other movies do you think should be remade by and how?

Well, we certainly can't have "It's a Wonderful Life" promoting the idea that true happiness and contentment come from honesty, hard work, and personal responsibility now, can we?

Ivan Betinov wrote:

Remakes of their old movies just end up being a newer politically correct version of the old movies. It's like they are under new management and are trying to fix the "mistakes" they made with all their old movies.

What other movies do you think should be remade by and how?

Well, we certainly can't have "It's a Wonderful Life" promoting the idea that true happiness and contentment come from honesty, hard work, and personal responsibility now, can we?

For starters, Comrade Betinov, George Bailey needs to do something more noble than work in an S&L. The angel Clarence could be replaced by Our Empress, who will show George what his life could've been like if only she'd been in the White House all those years (e.g., Mr. Potter would've walked due to advances in stem cell research, and George's brother wouldn't have been drafted into fighting some illegal war, etc.)

Or put another way, the Empress could've been in power all those years, and she could show George what his life would've been like had she NOT been in power (Mr. Potter would be in the wheelchair due to the stem cell research ban and lack of UHC, George would've been sent to Iraq in place of his brother, who would've fallen thru the ice and drowned because of global warming, etc.)

I'm not sure which of those works better, but I can clearly see these scenes:

Bartender: "Hey, look at me, everybody!" (Ching ching ching goes his cash register) "I'm making donations to Hillary's campaign!"

After Hillary's revelations, George runs back to his house: "Happy holidays, everybody! Season's greetings, all you people lined up outside the soup kitchen! Know that somebody cares about you, and that person is Hillary!"

The whole town gathers at George's house to donate money to Hillary's campaign. He scoops up little Suzy in his arms. Suzy says, "Listen, Daddy! Teacher says every time a bell rings, more money goes into Hillary's campaign fund and her approval numbers go up!"

Or, if we can put Al Gore in Hillary's place:

Everyone gathers at George's house to inundate him with carbon offsets.

Suzy: "Listen, Daddy! Teacher says every time a bell rings, one more glacier melts, the oceans rise another ten feet, the temperature goes up ten degrees and ten more cute baby polar bears are left homeless!"

He's left with a fluorescent bulb and a copy of An Incovenient Truth, with the following inscription written on the flyleaf: "To George--No man is green, environmentally correct, eco-conscious and earth friendly without a fluorescent bulb in every light socket, and a copy of both my book and DVD! Your friend, Al. P.S. Thanks for investing in my carbon offset company!"

OK, it's lame, but it's a work in progress. I'm not sure this is what the Great Incarnadine Trapezoid had in mind; I suspect he's thinking more of war movies and political thrillers.

A remake of Song Of Russia is long overdue. I would keep the plot exactly like the original 1944 production. It's just before Great Patriotic War and our heros sing and dance their way through Communist Soviet Union where everyone enjoys the bountiful horn-of-plenty non-stop feast that is true Socialism! Lots of stunning Busby Berkeley-like show stopper song and dance numbers of Red Army Tractor Brigades planting and harvesting, members of the Politburo tap dancing while Danny Glover as Stalin belts out a swinging raz-ma-taz. Everyone in the Soviet Union is living a happy carefree life in the late '30s! And then the Nazis invade. The German general leading the invasion looks just like George Bush. Fade out. Finis

Well, we certainly can't have "It's a Wonderful Life" promoting the idea that true happiness and contentment come from honesty, hard work, and personal responsibility now, can we?

Oh yes we can....Have George write sub-prime loans while poor Mr. Potter has to beg David Souter and the Supreme Court to cite London, CT and the whole town is taken by eminent domain, saving George by getting the board of viewers to assess above the market rate, making his former risk negligible, where everybody except the property owners are happy, who deserved to be screwed because owning property is bad. Potter contracts with Meow and casinos are built and the desperate former property owners gamble away what's left of their life savings.
Is that a happy ending or what?

The Magnificent Seven -

A team of seven ACLU lawyers work pro bono to defend a small factory town from the onslaught and environmental destruction by a shady big corporation named Wal-Mart with ties to Dick Cheney.

I see a lot of potential in the story of how they all got together. Half of them are Black and the other half is White, half are men and half are women (3 men, 3 women, and one transvestite). Their undisputed leader is Erin Brokovich (Julia Roberts), a legendary anti-corporate romantic vigilante who is traveling from town to town instituting justice.

A love triangle including Roberts, Antonio Banderas (always wearing the mask of Zorro), and Benito del Torro (transvestite) ends up in a happy tri-sexual marriage cheered on and attended by everyone in the working town saved by them from Wal-Mart.

A wild S&M orgy ensues. Wal-Mart corporate bosses get drawn into the orgy against their will and dress up as transvestites to hide from the police. The experience changes them, they realize how wrong it was for them to be such hard-asses, and they turn into progressive neophytes overnight, firing all their Republican lawyers and signing a Union agreement that includes free healthcare for employees and customers alike.

Screenplay by John Grisham. Directed by Steven Soderbergh.

Red Square wrote:We must write a remake of Battleship Potemkin. Time and place - Modern USA. A US Navy ship revolts against illegal occupation of Muslim lands while standing in the Persian Gulf. Might as well be the San Francisco Bay. The ship is bombarded from the shore and sunk and the whole thing is covered up. That's why we never hear about it in the media.

The famous staircase scene: Muslim man disguised as a woman in a burka on the steps of the capital, Washington DC, with a baby carriage filled with high explosives he was going to use to blow up the capital. He is shot by evil police. The baby carriage filled with high explosives rolls down the steps, bump, bump, bump... gaining speed as it bumps down the steps... finally crashing into the crowd of innocent peaceful protesting workers and peasants at the bottom blowing up and killing them all.

Ha ha! Yessss!!!!

...

Wait... um... I mean... how sad....

TERMINATOR -

A day in the life in Planned Parenthood clinic. Progressive abortionist appears from the future with the goal to terminate pregnancy of a conservative woman who is about to give life to a future Republican President of the United States who will defeat a Democratic candidate made from Hillary's genetic material. His mission is to change the course of history and enshure the continuation of progress.

The conservative woman doesn't want an abortion and is being hunted down by a group of ACLU lawyers, Planned Parenthood workers, and Code Pink activists. The trouble comes when she invokes the Second Amendment...

TO BE CONTINUED...

The conservative woman doesn't want an abortion and is being hunted down by a group of ACLU lawyers, Planned Parenthood workers, and Code Pink activists. The trouble comes when she invokes the Second Amendment...

I thought the second amendment only applied to people who were trying to kill us.

comrade dirk wrote:

The conservative woman doesn't want an abortion and is being hunted down by a group of ACLU lawyers, Planned Parenthood workers, and Code Pink activists. The trouble comes when she invokes the Second Amendment...

I thought the second amendment only applied to people who were trying to kill us.

No, only the bodyguard for Rosie's kids.

Speaking of which, I think it's time for a remake of A C*****mas Story. It totally sends out the wrong message about guns being fun and violence being the answer.

Instead of a Red Ryder BB gun, Ralphie should want to collect money to buy a cow for some starving village in Africa, or maybe to save ten square feet of rain forest in Belize. He just wants to make a difference, but everyone laughs at him.

Also, in the current version, when it comes to dealing with Scut Farkus and his little toady Dill, Ralphie tries to be a cowboy and a bully by "going it alone" without first getting joint approval from Schwartz and Flick, and he <s>strikes back at</s> attacks Scut--on Scut's own turf. Is that what we want to teach The Children? No, in the remake, Ralphie forges an alliance with Schwartz and Flick, and together they talk to Scut and Dill to try and understand their feelings. They resolve their differences with a big group hug. It's just that simple!

After the neighbors' dogs gobble up--and then puke up--the Parkers' holiday tofurkey, the family decides to spend the day serving food to the homeless. Hillary makes a Special Guest Appearance at the end--and what could be a better present than that on any day of the year?

Oh, and no flagpole in the remake, please. Or at least remove the U.S. flag from the pole. It doesn't need to be there for anyone to get their tongue stuck on the pole--unless they want to triple dog dare Flick to burn the flag instead.

The Mighty Pinky wrote

Instead of a Red Ryder BB gun, Ralphie should want to collect money to buy a cow for some starving village in Africa,

No, I think Ralphie did that for UNICEF Halloween.

<off character>
I'll never forgive those bastards for screwing a whole nation of 7 year-olds out of Halloween 1967. How lame. Little Milk Cartons.... that you begged for dimes and quarters instead of tricks or treats and the cash went to a Third World socialist shithole "emerging" nation that just bred more poverty.....but you got to have a sneaking admiration for the UN and such an evil scam.
Hey UNICEF! EAT ME!

<off character>
I'll never forgive those bastards for screwing a whole nation of 7 year-olds out of Halloween 1967. How lame. Little Milk Cartons.... that you begged for dimes and quarters instead of tricks or treats and the cash went to a Third World socialist shithole "emerging" nation that just bred more poverty.....but you got to have a sneaking admiration for the UN and such an evil scam.
Hey UNICEF! EAT ME!

I'm scarred for life. I'll never get over the pain. Can I litigate?

Laika

Lawrence of Arabia:

A progressive activist from the West (Charlie Sheen) joins the Taliban and organizes scattered Islamic freedom fighters into an organized movement to defeat US imperialism. Beautiful romantic scenes with camels, including a consensual one-night stand with a Turkish general. The freedom-fighters learn that this war is all about oil, and in the end they drive the infidels out, get their hands on the oil, drink it and die. Charlie Sheen's head gets cut off, but his noble sacrifice was worthy nonetheless because America was defeated and nothing else matters.

Ben-Hur

All remains the same except in the final scenes Ben-Hur (Alec Baldwin) gets a vision about the progressive path humanity could take if it weren't for Christianity, so he personally finds Christ and kills him before the Messiah gets too much unnecessary exposure.

My Fair Lady

Berkeley Professor Higgins abducts a bigoted conservative Christian Republican woman and teaches her political correctness. She ends up an ardent peace activist, changes her sexual orientation, takes up drugs and votes for Kucinich. But in the middle there's an interesting scene where he takes her to a peace rally with Cindy Sheehan and she repeats all the chants correctly - No blood for oil, Bush lied people died, etc. - but almost blows it when the topic shifts to redistribution of wealth. She starts talking about private property and the Constitution in a way that leaves everyone gaping. That part must be the funniest moment. Starring Michael Douglas and Rosie O'Donnell.

Life of Brian stoning scene:

Real easy change, just replace in the script the word "Jehovah" with "Mohammad".

Perhaps we could have a remake of Forrest Gump under the Glorious United Socialist States of Amerika once Hillary reaches her rightful place.

Forrest Gump, a bright, intelligent computer designer and wealthy shipping magnate meets hippie woman at the beginning of the start of the Empress' reign, and is followed as he is gradually stripped of his wealth and sanity, till he ends up a crippled moron living on a bus bench telling his story to a happy prole and babbling about his chocolates.

Laika the Space Dog wrote:

<off character>
I'll never forgive those bastards for screwing a whole nation of 7 year-olds out of Halloween 1967. How lame. Little Milk Cartons.... that you begged for dimes and quarters instead of tricks or treats and the cash went to a Third World socialist shithole "emerging" nation that just bred more poverty.....but you got to have a sneaking admiration for the UN and such an evil scam.
Hey UNICEF! EAT ME!

I'm scarred for life. I'll never get over the pain. Can I litigate?

Laika

<Pinkie slightly off (or at least off more than usual>

Having spent most of my life with my head stuck in a vodka bottle, I must confess I'm not familiar with this little milk carton scam, so I went a-googling:

UNICEF Scam

Before reading the following excerpt from link, please put your beverage to one side, and remove any foreign objects from your mouth (I sure wish there'd been someone to warn yours truly):

More good news: Because UNICEF is so good at its job, and it has such great helpers like you, it doesn't take a lot of money to make a big difference.

Seriously now, Laika--we wouldn't want the kiddies to have too much fun on Halloween, would we?

I also found the 2005 Parents' Handbook for Trick-or-Treat for UNICEF, but it was a PDF file and I couldn't get the link--but it's 15 pages of socialist hilarity!

If I had any creative talent I'd think up a movie plot about these little UNICEF vermin.

From another thread:

Commissar Pupovich wrote:...a brief educational video on how a progressive poll worker handles any challenges by some right wing fascist vote stealing lawyer trying to take away the voting rights of our Necro Proxy Animal vote for Hillary....

Of all the synonyms to the word "dead" (it's passed on! This parrot is no more! It has ceased to be! It's expired and gone to meet its maker! This is a late parrot!) he never mentioned the most important one -

THIS PARROT IS VOTING DEMOCRAT!

In fact, we could do a remake of this sketch. It's happening at a polling place in Iowa, where a right wing fascist vote stealing lawyer is trying to convince the progressive poll worker that the voter can't be voting because he's dead.

This time, the man at the counter says "Look, comrade, I know a Democrat voter when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now."

Or we can just use the same video and add our own captions.

The original transcript is here - https://orangecow.org/pythonet/pet-shop.html

How about this for a remake? The greatest movie ever....

Gone With the Wind. Only in our movie, the US has been beaten down to rubble, despair, and hunger by the war in Iraq brought on by Bush and his lies. Our heroine, Hillary, who initially supported the war, now finds her former life in shambles and cursing the ones who led the US to this ruin. as she vows that she would never go to sleep at night as long as there are uninsured Americans!

As for Rhett who played both sides, we can feature Kerry, or perhaps Ben Nelson of Nebraska