The People's Cube - Political Satire

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IRVINE, CA -- Hillary Clinton's speech at UC Irvine today was met with profound enthusiasm from students and educators who came out in droves to hear her talk about such controversial subjects as free speech and patriotism on campus and beyond.

Members of a local student association were especially supportive when the speaker approved of their earlier decision to ban the U.S. flag from campus, calling it the "spirit of new citizenship." Not only did the students legitimately exercise their first amendment right, said Mrs. Clinton, but "the removal of the flag was an act of patriotism, aimed at protecting the feelings of foreign and undocumented students from hate speech, for which it stands."

"Sooner or later these young foreigners will be voting in our elections and deciding the future of our country," Mrs. Clinton said to continuous applause. "And it is the courageous and patriotic actions like the banning of the American flag that will ultimately determine which way their vote will go."

Mrs. Clinton's own patriotic support for the U.S. military was in full display on stage, with dozens of uniformed soldiers lined up behind the Democratic presidential hopeful at the podium.

One of the men, wearing the uniform of a Marine with the stripes of a Master Gunnery Sergeant, later took the microphone and introduced himself as Navy Seal General Elmer Dud. He thanked Hillary Clinton for her service to the country and told the audience that he fought in Benghazi and saw everything with his own eyes.

"I was there, I saw what happened," General Dud told the crowd while at Clinton's side, confirming former Secretary of State's complete innocence in the matter. "As a war hero, I believe that all the so-called 'scandals' surrounding Mrs. Clinton are lies invented by people without integrity or honor, unlike Mrs. Clinton and myself," said Navy Seal General.

The audience responded to his short speech with a standing ovation, even though most of them had seen the previously circulated flyer identifying the soldiers on stage as impersonators. Some of the suspicions were confirmed when, at the end of the event, Mrs. Clinton turned around to salute the soldiers and they randomly saluted her back, each in his own way, some of them using their left hands.

The flyer, titled "Stolen Valor," was distributed by a group of real military veterans prior to the meeting. It claimed that the Clinton campaign recruited these "soldiers" from among the con artists who had been caught wearing purchased military uniforms at restaurants where they were asking the patrons to pick up their tab, or loitering around busy sidewalks and begging for pocket change from strangers.

School officials said the flyer could not be seriously deemed as legitimate because actual veterans and active members of U.S. military were barred from Irvine campus, so as not to offend undocumented foreign students. In the event the veterans had entered the premises illegally, any evidence thus became tainted and inadmissible at best. At worst - and more likely - the accusation of "stolen valor" was one of those lies invented by people without integrity or honor, as described by Navy Seal General Elmer Dud.

Regardless of whether these allegations were true or not, most educators said that a line of haggard-looking fake soldiers behind Mrs. Clinton was a far better way to reach hearts and minds of their students than a bunch of real war veterans, whose attitudes and behavior cannot be predicted and who are not allowed on campus anyway.

Clinton campaign managers agree with the educators' assessment, describing it as "informed opinion based on academic studies, which show that young millennials who will start voting in 2016 are far more receptive to superficiality than any of the previous generations."

(Additional reporting by Red Square)

Seeing all of those medals in alphabetical order reminds me of other glorious, real life heroes.

Marksmanship badges should NEVER be worn straight under the ribbons, and by Lenin, that mustache had better be in trim like all the OTHER Sergeants Major! Look at his level of physical fitness! This man is a role model if ever one graduated from the Surplus Store outside of Parris Island!

(if such things were important outside of the Clinton Campaign...)

It's not over until... oops... Never mind, it's over.

I'm pretty sure General Dud's just one of those rare Master Guns in USMC Aviation who is also in the USN Seals while also in EOD; he must have a very complex MOS designation. Perhaps General Dud is just a huge Kathryn Bigelow fan and bought earned each badge every time he saw one of Ms. Bigelow's movies featuring that branch, group, or medal? Though it is interesting that the wikipedia page listing all the USMC recipients of the Navy Cross don't list MGySgt Gen. Dud.... someone should inform the editors of that Reich-wing organization to get up to speed on the Kurrent Truth regarding General Dud. Though, at this point, what does it matter - Hilldog has already proven beyond the standard of proof for college rape-adjudicating tribunals that she has support of the "veterans."Lastly, Kommissar al-Blagunov, report yourself for political infractions for failure to have sufficient knowledge of the enemy - the EOD badge is an inter-service medal, so there is no army version (well, most as-worn Army medals have drool and bits of crayon on them, but that doesn't apply to other branches).

I Am Tired Of The Mean-Spiritedness In Politics'

Andrey Vyshinsky wrote:I'm pretty sure General Dud's just one of those rare Master Guns in USMC Aviation who is also in the USN Seals while also in EOD; he must have a very complex MOS designation. Perhaps General Dud is just a huge Kathryn Bigelow fan and bought earned each badge every time he saw one of Ms. Bigelow's movies featuring that branch, group, or medal? Though it is interesting that the wikipedia page listing all the USMC recipients of the Navy Cross don't list MGySgt Gen. Dud.... someone should inform the editors of that Reich-wing organization to get up to speed on the Kurrent Truth regarding General Dud. Though, at this point, what does it matter - Hilldog has already proven beyond the standard of proof for college rape-adjudicating tribunals that she has support of the "veterans."Lastly, Kommissar al-Blagunov, report yourself for political infractions for failure to have sufficient knowledge of the enemy - the EOD badge is an inter-service medal, so there is no army version (well, most as-worn Army medals have drool and bits of crayon on them, but that doesn't apply to other branches).

Andrey Vyshinsky wrote:(well, most as-worn Army medals have drool and bits of crayon on them, but that doesn't apply to other branches).

ThePeoplesComrade wrote:I Am Tired Of The Mean-Spiritedness In Politics'

But I recollect that she said she weren't no ways taaaarrrred. I reckon she meant all 'ceptin' fer tha mean-spiritedness n'such.

Comrades, as a humble Party™ member, Lenin knows I'm not one to indulge in ostentatious displays. However, as a service to The Party™ and our MTE, I have been inspired to come out of the closet in a gay display of all the service medals I have earned whilst sacrificing for the Good™ of The Party™ and The People™.

Until our MTE is immaculated, I will proudly display my service medals so that others might be impressed and inspired to give your their all for our MTE.

Four time Hero, Don Shipley called.

Kapitan Kangaroo Kourt - congrats on your promotion to marshal. Should we now address you as Marshal Kangaroo Kourt?

Unless, of course, Kapitan is not a rank but your given name, with Kangaroo being your middle name, and Kourt being your family name. I'm sure mama Kourt and papa Kourt are glowing with pride.

Red Square wrote:Kapitan Kangaroo Kourt - congrats on your promotion to marshal. Should we now address you as Marshal Kangaroo Kourt?

Unless, of course, Kapitan is not a rank but your given name, with Kangaroo being your middle name, and Kourt being your family name. I'm sure mama Kourt and papa Kourt are glowing with pride.

As you are well aware, comrade Red, rank is irrelevant. Everybody is equal.

Mama and Papa Kourt probably would be proud, if they knew. Unfortunately, I was forced to denounce them when they questioned the military experience and strategies of Deer Leader. I haven't heard from or of them since.

We must all make sacrifices, for The Children™.

Besides which, according to the Urban Dictionary, the initials MKK are highly inappropriate and sexist and I could not sanction the use of MKK on this progressively friendly web site. The initials KKK, on the other hand, have a well ingrained and proud history within the progressive movement and so are entirely acceptable.